Not Where I Belong
by lls-mutant
Summary: Tory might have pulled her from the launch tube, but Cally's life still felt like it was over. Everything she loved was gone, or at the very least, changed to something that she hated. Season 4 AU, based on a prompt that Cally and Dee live. Warnings for suicidal thoughts (Cally) and suicide (not Cally). Canon pairings, former Cally/Galen, Cally/Hot Dog. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

There wasn't any blood on her hands. Cally noticed that as she shifted Nicky on her hip, her legs moving of their own accord. She'd just hit her husband as hard as she could with a pipe wrench- shouldn't there be blood? But there was no blood.

Nicky whimpered and she automatically rubbed his back. Nicky. Cally couldn't even think about him, her mind was so numb. She couldn't think about anything- not herself, not Nicky, not… not Galen. She didn't even see the hangar bay as she crossed it; just the launch tube airlock that beckoned like the proverbial light at the end of a tunnel.

And there it was, out in front of her. Space. In just a few minutes, it would all be over. All of the pain, all of the betrayal… all of this terrible feeling of her insides ripping in half would be over. She inserted the key into the lock, and began the procedure.

"Cally."

She froze, and all the numbness shattered in an instant as she recognized Tory Foster. "Stay the frak away from me!" she ordered desperately. "I know what you are. I know what all of you are. How could you?"

Tory was calm. "We don't even know what we are."

"I heard you. You're Cylons!" She spat the word; it was bitter with the ashes of New Caprica. "A bunch of frakking skinjobs."

"I wish it were that simple," Tory sighed.

Simple. The bitch didn't even begin to know what complicated was, not until she found herself like this. Cally turned the key and closed the airlock behind Tory viciously. The lump in her throat burned. "I told you to stay away from me" she reminded her. "Guess you better hope there's a spare body waiting for you."

Tory spread her arms. "You want to kill me? Go ahead. Don't do this to yourself or to your child. To Nicky."

Nicky's name was like fire to live ammunition, and Cally yanked him away protectively. "Get the frak away! You're not getting your hands on my son! Not you, not Galen! He frakkin' used me!" Every time she thought about that, it made her want to vomit. Was anything real anymore?

"He didn't know," Tory insisted. "None of us did. We didn't find out until we entered that Nebula."

"Oh, shut the frak up, traitor! Frak!"

Tory pressed on. "All we know is that we're Cylons. But in every other way, we're still the same people."

Cally shook her head angrily. "You're frakking machines!"

That seemed to hit Tory, and she looked down at her hands. "I don't know," she admitted, and some distant part of Cally's brain marveled that those words ever came out of cool, calm, professional Tory Foster's mouth. "But I do know that we're not evil. We're not inhuman. And we're just as scared and confused as you are." She came closer, and Cally tried to back away, tears streaking her face.

"I can't live like this! It's a frakking nightmare." She closed her eyes, but every time she did she saw Galen with Tory, Galen with Tigh and Tory and arguing about Cylons… she shuddered, clutching Nicky tighter. Nicky, who, no matter what he was, was part Galen. Nicky, who clung to her trustingly, his little hands on her shoulders, his soft hair against her cheek as he began to cry in earnest.

Nicky was crying. That got through to her.

Tory was nearly weeping. "You don't want to do this, Cally," she begged. "He's your son."

Cally fell to her knees, Nicky still in her arms, the realization that this was real breaking through and washing over her. "What have I done? I'm so sorry. Oh, Gods." Tory touched her shoulder, and ironically, the coolness of her hand brought more clarity. Cally took a deep breath, focusing on the baby. "It's okay," she whispered. "It's okay, Nicky. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay." Maybe if she repeated it often enough, it would be.

Tory's face was sympathetic. "Let's just get out of here. It's okay. We'll work this out together. It's okay." Her voice had the same tone, the same cadence as Cally's did. Cally nodded.

"Okay."

She got to her feet, and Tory helped her by taking Nicky, stroking his hair. Then she took Cally's hand and pulled her fully to standing.

"Come on," she repeated, handing Nicky back to Cally. "Let's get out of here."

***

"I don't understand," Cally said, wiping her face. "Why?"

"Why what?" Tory asked calmly. They were in a cubicle in the infirmary, a tube hooked to Cally's arm. Cottle hadn't been crazy about the idea of leaving a suicidal patient alone, but Tory had assured him that she wouldn't leave Cally's side. And she hadn't, even when they'd taken Nicky off to sleep.

"Why did you stop me?" Cally asked. "Why do you even care?"

Tory shrugged. "I don't. Not the way that you're asking. But walking by another person and just walking away… turning a blind eye to harm like that…" she smirked. "It's inhuman."

"Inhuman," Cally muttered, looking down at her hospital gown. She shook her head and decided to lay it all on the line. "But I know," she said. "How are you going to keep me quiet. Because if you think that you pulling me back makes me-"

"Because," Tory overrode her, "no one will believe you."

She said it with such calm assurance that Cally knew she was right before she even thought about it on a rational level. Adama would never believe that Tory or Galen was a Cylon, not with their records. And Tigh? There was no way anyone in this Fleet would convince Admiral Adama that the sky was blue if Tigh said it was red. If Tigh wouldn't admit to being a Cylon, there was no way that Cally could prove it. Especially right after admitting to trying to flush herself and her son out of an airlock. She closed her eyes and sighed, falling back against the pillow.

"You're right," she whispered.

Tory smiled. "I know I am," she said. "And if you ever forget that, you will regret it, and so will Nicky. Understand me?" Cally nodded. Tory pulled the covers up to Cally's shoulders. "Now go to sleep. Things will look better in the morning." She smiled, but her smile had an edge of mockery.

***

They didn't.

When Cally woke up next, Tory was gone. But Galen was sitting by her bed, his face anxious.

"Go away," she said, closing her eyes and turning her face away.

"Cally…" Galen began.

"Just go," she ordered him.

He took a deep breath. "No."

"Galen-"

"You hit me in the head with a pipe wrench, Cally!" he hissed, and she could envision him looking around to make sure no one overheard him. "I frakking deserve an explanation for that!"

"You deserve an explanation?" Cally demanded. "After you've been lying to me all this time?"

"I told you," Galen ground out, "I'm not having an affair!"

"I didn't mean-" Cally began, and then cut herself off. Galen's eyes were flaring with suppressed rage. He was a Cylon. She thought of what she'd seen Cylons do on New Caprica, of what Tory had just threatened the night before. She shut her mouth abruptly.

"What?" Galen demanded.

How would Galen react if she told him she knew he was a Cylon? Cally shrunk back against the bed. He looked hurt, but he still looked angry. And the words burst out of her, beyond her control.

"I want a divorce."

***

Two days later, she was putting some of her clothing into a bag, Galen watching, holding Nicky.

"We can work this out," he insisted. "Come on, Cally. Don't do this. Don't do this to Nicky."

She turned on him. "Don't you use Nicky to guilt me into staying," she said. "Believe me, you have no room to talk."

"You keep saying that!" Galen said exasperatedly. "But I don't know what I've done!"

Cally hesitated, and then put the tanks she was folding down. "It's not what you've done," she finally admitted. "It's what you are."

Galen froze. "What do you mean?" he asked. "I'm the same person I've always been…" but Cally knew his voice well enough to hear the uncertainty and fear.

"Don't worry," she said with a sigh. "I won't tell anyone. Like Tory told me, they wouldn't believe me anyway. But I can't stay here."

"Cally…" She shook her head, pressing her lips together. She didn't want to say the words in front of Nicky. Galen sighed heavily. "So, this is really it? You know- you… frak. How did you know?"

"I heard you talking," Cally admitted simply. "I thought you were having an affair and I followed you." She laughed bitterly. "It's sad, isn't it? Now I wish you'd been having an affair with her. An affair is something I could live with and work through. But this?"

"But nothing's changed!" Galen insisted.

Cally spun around to face him. "Do you really think that, Galen? Do you really think I'm going to say 'oh, darling, it's okay, it doesn't matter'? After everything those frakking toasters took from us?"

"But I didn't do it!" Galen insisted. "You know me! You knew me long before the world ended!"

She turned away, and he sputtered in frustration. But she closed her ears, because nothing he could say would change the fact that he was one of them. A Cylon. She put the tanks into her bag.

"What about Nicky?" Galen said, and she knew that he was finally accepting this. "Now that you know-"

"I knew when I agreed to this joint arrangement," Cally admitted. "Nicky stays here, and we alternate weeks with him."

"Well, why are you agreeing to this?" Galen asked, running a hand through his hair. "Why aren't you thinking I'm going to… to… " he looked at Nicky and looked away.

Cally zipped the bag. "Hera," she said, rolling her eyes. "She's the chosen one. The shape of things to come. And if she's so frakking important, Nicky must be, too. They won't hurt him." She firmly blocked Tory's threat out of her mind. "You won't hurt him. And because you know if you do, I will kill you."

Galen paled and stepped back, holding Nicky to him. Cally nodded and walked past them, her bag slung over her shoulder.

She left the room that they'd called home, and she didn't look back.

***

There was an open bunk in the racks. It took Cally all of ten minutes to arrange her things. The others were watching her, curiosity clear on their faces. She tried to ignore them, but it was impossible.

She closed the locker door with a loud clang, and then realized for the first time in a year, she had an evening with nothing to do. The thought was completely boggling.

With one last mind your own business glare at her new bunkmates, she yanked a brush through her hair, and then angrily strode out of the room, closing the hatch with as loud a thud as she could manage. She stepped out into the corridor, looking around aimlessly, and then sighed.

Joe's.

It wasn't a place she went often- she never had the time. But tonight, she stood on the threshold, looking at the crowd with new eyes. It was funny, she thought, how she could spend so much time on Galactica and still feel like this was a bar full of strangers.

She pushed through the crowd, fighting her way to the bar. As she did, a woman stood up, heading for the door with a man's arm wrapped around her waist. Cally darted through a gap in the crowd and snagged her seat.

She sat on the stool, leaning on the bar. But the bartender didn't seem to notice her. She waved, trying to get his attention, but he was busy talking to a group of people.

"Are you a pilot?" the man sitting next to her asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you a pilot?" the man repeated. He looked vaguely familiar, but Cally couldn't place him. He was obviously military; she could see the chain for his dog tags around his neck, even though he was wearing a faded t-shirt and torn jeans. He was playing with an empty glass, and Cally automatically noticed he wasn't wearing a wedding ring.

"No, I'm not a pilot," she answered.

His eyebrows quirked up. "Good luck getting served tonight," he muttered.

"I take it you're not a pilot, either," Cally said.

"Nope. I'm on the bridge."

"Are you an officer?"

"Yup." He didn't seem overly pleased or proud of that.

Cally grimaced. She knew that in Joe's, especially given the time and the way things were, rank wasn't really supposed to exist, or the protocols were very loosely followed. But she had some notion that bridge officers were meant to be different, and she wasn't sure what else to say.

The officer sitting next to her managed to catch the bartender's eye, and the bartender came over. "Another one, lieutenant?"

"Yeah. And one for Cally here, too."

Cally waited until they'd gotten their drinks before she said, "You know me?"

He shrugged. "Sure. I know who you are, anyway. You're Tyrol's wife, and I'm good with names and faces." He took a deep swallow from his glass. "I'm Hoshi, by the way. Louis Hoshi." He extended a hand.

Cally took it; it was bony and cold. "Cally Henderson," she told him firmly, emphasizing her last name.

He raised an eyebrow, but didn't intrude. On a ship of busybodies, Cally found that oddly refreshing. She relaxed a little. "What do you do on the bridge?" she asked.

"Normally, I'm Communications, but right now I'm serving as Tactical Officer," he said, and for some reason that seemed to make him a little more annoyed. Cally remembered hearing that Gaeta was gone on that Demetrius supply mission. She nodded knowingly and sipped her drink. It was strong, with a very bitter aftertaste, and it burned going down, but it spread warmth through her.

"So, where are you from?" Cally asked, retreating back to safer territory. "Before all this, I mean."

"The Pegasus," Hoshi said.

"No, I mean, where was home?"

Hoshi gave her a dead-on stare. "The Pegasus," he repeated.

"Okay," Cally muttered. "I get it." She took another sip, searching around for a topic. "Do you like Galactica?" she asked, thinking it sounded lame even as she said it.

Hoshi snorted. "No," he said bluntly. "But what choice to I have? Those frakking toasters nuked everything else, and now the only thing that made this frakked up ship tolerable is gone, so… no. I can't stand it." He knocked back the rest of his drink.

Cally pursed her lips together. "Were you on New Caprica at all?" she asked.

"No."

Hoshi was not the easiest person to talk to, Cally realized as he stared moodily at his empty glass. She tried one more time. "Do you have kids?" she asked. He didn't answer, but his glare darkened, even if it was at the surface of the bar. "Well," Cally said, sliding off the stool, "thanks for helping me get a drink." She picked up her glass and slipped through the crowd before he could say a word. Well, if he wanted to.

The bar was still so crowded. Cally had only ever been in here once or twice- it really wasn't the sort of place to bring Nicky- and she had forgotten the press of bodies against each other, the loud noise, the smell of smoke. It was overwhelming, and not helped by the fact that she remembered walking in here and seeing Galen with Tory. Galen and Tory… her head spun, and her knees weakened.

"Hey!" Someone caught her by the elbow, and Cally's vision cleared enough to see Racetrack looking down at her concernedly. "Cally, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Cally said, fumbling. "Just… it's crowded in here."

"It is," Racetrack said happily, surveying the scene. But as she looked back down at Cally, there was compassion in her eyes. "Are you here with anyone?" Cally shook her head, and Racetrack linked her arm through hers. "Good," she said. "We've got a table over there," she gestured grandly with her drink, "so you can join us."

"All right," Cally agreed, frantically wondering who the hell we was.

We turned out to be Racetrack, Dee, Danielle from the deck, and Caroline, one of the Marines. Cally relaxed. They were Seelix's friends. Seelix had told Cally about them, and before she'd left on the Demetrius, she'd been trying to convince Cally to inform Galen that he was watching Nicky that night and come out with them. Cally had always promised she would when the time was right, but never gotten around to it.

Well, the time was sure right now.

"Push over!" Racetrack ordered Danielle. "Cally needs a seat."

"And a drink," Caroline said.

"I have a drink," Cally protested.

"The problem with that sentence," Caroline said, smiling, "it the word a. Hold on. I'll be back." Cally watched her go, slightly overwhelmed.

"You okay?" Dee asked Cally. "You look a little shaken."

"I am," Cally admitted. "Between the crowds and one of the rudest officers I've ever met-"

"Rude officer?" Racetrack perked right up. "Which one?"

"Up there at the bar. Hoshi."

"Oh." Dee rolled her eyes. "Ignore Hoshi," she said. "He's been in a mood all day. The T56 unit on the DRADIS went down, and Colonel Tigh-"

"Oh, Hoshi's just mad because he's not getting any," Racetrack interrupted. Danielle smacked her on the arm.

"Hey, just cause a guy isn't getting any doesn't mean he's not worthwhile."

"You're only saying that because you've got a crush on Figurski."

"He's nice!" Danielle insisted, in what was obviously a well-worn argument. "There are not many men left in existence that can make that claim!"

Cally was laughing with them when Dee leaned in. "I heard you left Tyrol," she said softly, and then clinked her glass against Cally's. Cally suddenly remembered that Dee had left Lee Adama, and relaxed even more. "Are you holding up all right?"

"Word travels fast," Cally said, swallowing the last of her drink. "But yeah. I guess. I mean…"

"What happened?" Dee asked, and then pulled back. "Or do you not want to talk about it?"

It was funny. Cally had left the racks because she couldn't stand the eyes on her, she'd evaded every offer Cottle had given her for a psychologist, and she'd brushed off Ishay's compassionate attempts at conversation. But Dee, who she really didn't know that well, was sitting there with open, inquiring eyes and a full drink, and Cally found herself cracking.

"I just… I found out he was lying to me," she said, fingering the edge of her glass. "Ever since I met Galen, I thought I could trust him. Completely. He's just that sort, you know?" Dee nodded, and Cally took heart from it. "But the entire time I've known him, he's been lying to me."

Dee cocked her head. "Was he married?"

"No. Nothing that straightforward."

"It never is," Dee sighed. "It would be so much easier if it was."

"So say we all," said Caroline, who skillfully slipped through the press of bodies back to their table carrying five drinks and not spilling a drop. "If it was straightforward, you wouldn't have to explain it. Because gods damn it, if it's not that simple, the just aren't going to get it."

"Men!" Racetrack said, holding up her glass. "Can't shoot 'em, can't frak without 'em."

"Well, actually-" Danielle began, but Racetrack treated her to an even glare.

"That's not what I meant," Racetrack said.

"Don't knock it until you've tried it," Caroline riposted. Racetrack stuck her tongue out, and Caroline leered. "Don't wave that around unless you plan to use it, you tease," she laughed. She draped a companionable arm around Racetrack's shoulders, and kissed her cheek. Racetrack ruffled her hair.

Cally smiled, feeling a little awkward, but Dee raised her glass. "To men," she said. "And their utter frakkery."

"Frakkery?" Danielle asked.

"Frakkery," Dee repeated firmly.

Cally raised her glass and clicked it against Dee's. "To men and their utter frakkery," she echoed. She was pretty sure that tonight she was going to get very, very drunk.

***

She was right, and she regretted it at roll call the next morning, when Galen's voice seemed like hammers in her head. She had to steel herself against vomiting, and he must have known. But he looked away from her and she was glad, because the last thing she needed was a scene on the hangar deck.

Raptor 718 was acting up again. Cally wasn't sure if she was relieved or annoyed to see the frakking thing on her work assignment. On the one hand, concentrating wouldn't be fun for a long time this morning. On the other hand, she'd be away from people and have an excuse for being grumpy all morning. She picked up her tool kit and headed over to it.

She was almost there when Galen stepped into her path. "You gonna run the diagnostics on 718?" he asked.

"Yes," she sighed.

"Don't forget to check out the exhaust system."

"I know."

"And the O2 scrubbers. They've been on the fritz."

Cally looked at him evenly. "I know. It's on the work order. I can read, Galen."

He did that thing he always did with his hands when he felt a little helpless. Cally tried to step around him, but he stopped her.

"Nicky missed you last night."

"He'll get used to it," Cally said. Oddly enough, she felt nothing when he said that. "After all, he's got you."

"It's not the same thing," Galen argued.

Cally looked away. "Let me go," she said dully. "I have work to do."

Amazingly, Galen stepped aside. Cally made her way to the Raptor, trying to ignore the guilt that was rising up inside her whenever she thought of Nicky. She didn't want to think about Nicky; it only made her head hurt worse and her stomach rebel. Instead, she pulled out her tools and began to get down to work.

She was wedged under the ECO console testing the connections when she heard a knock on the Raptor's frame. "What is it now?" she asked grumpily.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I can come back later." The voice was male, but it wasn't Galen's. It wasn't one that Cally really recognized, although it sounded vaguely familiar.

"Hold on just a second," she said, deftly twisting two wires together. She eased out from under the ECO and looked up to see an officer in duty blues standing stiffly, just inside the entrance. It took a minute, and then she finally remembered him.

"You're Lieutenant Hoshi, right sir?" she asked. "What do you need?"

Hoshi made a face. "Actually, I'm not down here for official business. It's just… I have this memory of being incredibly rude to you at Joe's last night, and I wanted to apologize."

Cally blinked, and then blinked again. "Oh," was all she could think to say.

"It's not an excuse," Hoshi continued, "but I was drunk. I had a miserable day yesterday, and I've been worried ever since… well, ever since. But I shouldn't have taken it out on you like I did."

"It's all right, sir," Cally said, still struggling for footing in a conversation she didn't really quite expect. "Trust me. With the day I had yesterday, it barely registered."

"Rather humbling," Hoshi said, flashing a quick smile. His face dropped back to seriousness, and he cleared his throat. "If I didn't have such a hangover, I'd ask you for a drink tonight to make up for it," he said. "But as it is-"

Cally looked at her watch. "I have a break," she said. "We could go for a cup of coffee right now instead,"

Hoshi's face lit up as he smiled. "I'd like that, if you've got time."

"Sure." Cally picked up her tools and put them in her box, and then wiped her hands on her coveralls. "Let's go."

They stepped out of the Raptor together, and Cally saw Galen looking their way, watching them. Good, she thought, stepping a little closer to Hoshi and lifting her chin. Let him think… oh, frak. Who cared what that toaster thought? But she felt his eyes on her, all the way out of the hangar bay.

***

"So, after searching the entire ship, she finally found Scissors asleep in his Raptor," Hoshi laughed. "And when she ordered him awake, I swear to you the man jumped three feet into the air."

Cally laughed. "It's funny," she admitted, moving her empty cup of coffee, "I just never imagine anyone from the Pegasus laughing."

"Why not?" Hoshi asked, shrugging. "Life wasn't like it was hear on Galactica," he said, and Cally thought she caught a note of contempt in his voice, "but Admiral Cain wasn't a monster."

Cally pressed her lips together. "The first people I met from the Pegasus were Vireem and Gage," she said.

"Oh. Oh." Hoshi's face darkened. "Yeah. That would really color your impression of us, wouldn't it?"

"You know them?" Cally asked.

"I've had my run-ins with them," Hoshi admitted. He took a sip of his coffee and grimaced. "But I know that most Galatica people don't think very highly of Admiral Cain, either."

"There were rumors," Cally said carefully.

"There always are." He sighed and looked down at his cup. "And, you know, I do understand. We all do. But I served on the Pegasus for over ten years. And even though we all ended up like we did… it's not everything the Pegasus was." He looked lost in thought for a moment, and then shook himself. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to be lecturing you about the Pegasus."

"It's all right," Cally said. "Believe it or not, I get it. I mean, pretty everyone on this ship wants to forget that New Caprica ever existed. But while I was down there, I was the happiest I've been in my entire life."

"Really?"

She shrugged. "Galen and I had just gotten married and then we had Nicky."

"Oh." He smiled at that.

"Yeah," Cally said. "So when you talk about good things going to hell, I know exactly what you mean."

Hoshi cringed. "Just the Cylons? Or things not going well?"

"We're getting divorced."

"I'm sorry." He looked awkward. "Although truthfully, I'd heard."

"I figured," Cally said. She looked at her watch. "I have to get back to work."

"I'm on duty in a few minutes myself," Hoshi admitted. "But listen, it was really nice talking to you, and… well, don't take this wrong, because it's not what I'm asking, and I know it's just algae no matter where you go, but would you like to have dinner sometime?"

For a moment, Cally stared at him in shock. She was about to make a polite refusal, but then thought about family dinners in the quarters she'd shared with Galen and how those didn't exist anymore, and the loneliness she'd seen in Hoshi's eyes and heard in his voice.

"Yeah," she said finally. "I'd like that a lot."

***

It was late that night when Cally climbed into her rack, twisting around to try to get comfortable. It didn't work. She lay on her back, staring up at the blank ceiling. Last night she'd been drunk and exhausted; she hadn't fallen asleep as much as she'd passed out. But tonight, she hadn't touched a drop, and she was starting to regret it.

Sucicide. Divorce. Cylons. Prisoner. The words didn't seem like they could describe her life at all, only what was happening to someone else. And yet, that's exactly what her life was now- a thwarted suicide, a divorce from a Cylon husband, and a threat of something happening to her or her baby if she told anyone what he was. Cally didn't know what the frak she was supposed to do with this particular hand that the gods had dealt her.

She remembered the priest in her temple, a long time ago, after her little brother died, telling her that the gods never gave anyone more than they could handle. She'd never quite believed that, although she said she did at the time. But ever since the Cylons had come back and the worlds had ended and she had survived, Cally had started to think it was true. Maybe life was hell now, but she was still surviving.

Or maybe that was just the antidepressants talking.

She turned over on her side, staring at the black privacy curtain. She imagined Nicky back in the family quarters, curled up in his crib on his side, snug in his warm feety jammies, his worn blanket clutched firmly in his little fist. The dancing lights would be moving over the walls, soothing him. She could see the picture as clearly as if she was there, and for the first time since she'd left the quarters, she felt some of the heartbreak she'd expected to feel.

But what about Galen? What was he doing? Was he sitting at the table, going over reports? Drinking? Lying on his back and staring at the ceiling? Frakking Tory Foster? Plotting the destruction of the human race? Plugging himself into an electrical outlet and powering up? Cally groaned- that was the last thing she wanted to think about.

She had a feeling sleep wasn't coming tonight. She pulled her blanket up, stared at the ceiling, and listened to herself humming a lullaby.

***

"You okay, Cally?" Dee asked two nights later. "You look…" she hesitated tactfully.

"You look like shit," Racetrack said. "Is Tyrol giving you a hard time?"

"No," Cally said, rubbing her head.

"He is," Danielle contradicted her. "He's working you like crazy."

"No he's not," Cally insisted. "The only way I can sleep at night is if I wear myself out working."

Danielle shook her head, and Racetrack looked like she agreed with Danielle. But Caroline interrupted, sort of changing the subject. "Have you been able to spend time with Nicky at all?"

Cally looked at her glass. "I had lunch with him yesterday," she said. "At his daycare."

"Was it hard?" Caroline asked sympathetically. "To walk away, I mean?"

"No," Cally said honestly. They looked a little shocked, so she fumbled for an explanation. "It's just… however much I hate Galen right now, the only thing I do trust is that he won't hurt Nicky. At least, not intentionally." She rolled her eyes. "Okay, and there's a part of me that's wondering how the hell he's doing without me there."

"He looks like worse shit than you do," Racetrack said, smiling evilly. "It's safe to say he's finding out just how much you did."

Caroline and Danielle laughed, but Dee didn't. Cally was grateful to her, because Dee was getting that none of this was at all that easy. And Dee didn't even know the half of it, unless Lee Adama was one of the final two Cylons. She cleared her throat and changed the subject more thoroughly. "How are things in the CIC?"

Dee gave her one brief wistful smile, and then rolled her eyes. "The saga of Gage continues," she said. The other three groaned, but leaned in eagerly.

"What did the moron do now?" Danielle laughed.

"Wait," Caroline said, "catch Cally up."

"Yes," Dee said. She folded her hands under her chin. "Gage, the asshole from hell, has been being trained in the CIC," Dee explained. "We're short communications officers. And for some reason- maybe because he was drunk when he was going over the list of names- Colonel Tigh decided that someone who sits on the TV and watches the couch is a great candidate for CIC work."

"Wait," Cally said nervously, "our lives are dependant on Gage?"

"Yeah. Whatever Tigh was drinking when he decided on it, I want some." Dee said.

"Maybe it wasn't Tigh," Danielle suggested. "Maybe Gaeta was pissed about being sent off with Starbuck and wanted to get revenge and recommended Gage."

"Maybe Gage is setting Tigh up with sexual favors," Caroline suggested, laughing.

"Maybe Gage is giving Tigh sexual favors," Racetrack topped her.

"Maybe Tigh is a sleeper Cylon agent, and this is the new Cylon plan for destroying humanity," Cally suggested.

The girls dissolved into laughter, Dee eventually having to wipe tears off her cheeks. "Gods, wouldn't that be horrifying?" she said. "If I ever thought Tigh could be a Cylon, I would almost believe that."

Cally's heart sank. This was what she was afraid of. "You don't think Tigh could be a Cylon?" she asked.

Dee waved her hand. "There are five people in this Fleet I am completely convinced can't be Cylons," she said. "The Adamas, because they're related by blood, and Sam Anders, Galen Tyrol, and Saul Tigh."

Caroline nodded concurrence, her face hardening. "If they were Cylons, there is no way they'd be sending suicide bombers after the skinjobs on New Caprica."

"And after what he admitted to at Baltar's trial," Danielle added compassionately.

Cally nodded. "I know," she sighed, and she realized that Tory was right. It wasn't just Adama. No one would believe her about Tyrol and Tigh, and Tory had played a huge role in the Resistance as well.

Well, frak. Cally shook her head, and then forced a smile. "So, what did Gage do today?" she asked, and the mood of the table lightened once again.

***

"So what about you?" Cally asked Hoshi as they ate dinner together for the third time in as many days. "You keep bugging me about Galen, you speculate on the pilots, but you've never told me- do you have a love of your life?" To her surprise, Hoshi actually flushed a bit. "Ooh, there is someone. Spill it, loverboy."

"It's nothing big," Hoshi said, looking down and fiddling with his silverware, like that would hide the feelings that were written across his face. "We've been together about eight months, but…"

"She doesn't mind me eating dinner with you, does she?" Cally asked.

"No, he wouldn't," Hoshi said, smiling. "Felix isn't really the jealous type."

"You're with Gaeta?" Cally asked, a little surprised that Hoshi would be willing to put up with the Baltar obsession that everyone on Galactica had known about. But then, Gaeta had also stabbed Baltar. Guess that obsession was a thing of the past. "I think I heard something about that, now that I think about it."

Hoshi shrugged. "Maybe. Neither of us is exactly comfortable with public affection, or the entire ship talking about us, so we keep it on the down-low. After all, we're not pilots. We don't have to be loud and obnoxious."

Cally laughed. "Guess not." It was funny how much she'd learned about Hoshi in such a short time, although his general contempt for pilots was one of the first things she'd figured out. "So, is it serious?"

Hoshi raised an eyebrow. "That's part of why I don't talk about it much," he admitted. "I'm afraid I'll jinx it or something. I'd like it to be serious."

"But he?"

"Has some… baggage."

"Mmm."

"Including your former husband."

"What?" Cally said. "Galen and Gaeta?"

Hoshi laughed. "No," he said. "No, I'm sorry. Wow, that did come out wrong. You knew about the Circle, right?"

"The Circle?" Cally asked.

Hoshi hesitated. "You didn't know?"

"What Circle?" Cally repeated, her voice hardening.

"It's… I'm not sure…" Hoshi hesitated.

Cally crossed her arms. "You started it," she informed him. "Now spit it out."

Hoshi chewed his lip. "How much do you want to hate your husband?"

"An awful lot," Cally said.

Hoshi stood and picked up his bowl. "Come on," he said. "I'm not telling you in public."

Cally swallowed hard and followed him.

***

"Dee?"

Dee looked up from her hand. "Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something, off the record?"

"Sure." Dee put down the cards and scooted her chair closer. The rec room was crowded, but no one had sat down at their table yet. Cally leaned in and lowered her voice.

"Did you know about this Circle?"

Dee's face gave her the answer before her voice did. Cally saw it in the seriousness of her eyes. She figured Dee would know, either because of Lee Adama or Felix Gaeta, and her instinct had been right.

Dee swallowed. "Is that what you found out about Galen?" she asked. "Because, while I'm not defending it, from what Felix told me, he's the one that let him go."

"No," Cally said. "I… well, it just doesn't surprise me, I guess. Do you… do you know how many people they did kill?"

"I never heard," Dee admitted. "And Lee never told me anything about it- it was all Felix. But it couldn't have been too many, or we would have heard about it."

"I guess," Cally said dubiously. "Who else was in on it? Was Tory? Or Tigh?"

"Not Tory," Dee said softly.

"But-"

"Shh!" Dee hissed. "Don't say it!"

"No one's listening," Cally said, even as she looked around and lowered her voice.

"You never know," Dee said seriously. She chewed her lip. "But Galen… are you…?"

Cally thought about it, and rubbed her forehead with her knuckles. "I don't know what I think," she admitted. "But he let Gaeta go, right?"

"Right."

"And it was right after New Caprica. You didn't see him down there… how angry he was."

"I can imagine," Dee said sympathetically.

"No," Cally retorted. "You can't. You weren't down there."

"No, I wasn't," Dee said calmly, "but I was up on a boat with Lee Adama, who I'm pretty sure was suffering from some sort of clinical depression. I know how it feels to see your partner suffering like that."

"Sorry," Cally said.

"It's all right," Dee said so calmly that Cally wondered how many times she'd had this argument with Gaeta himself. "And you were down there, too." The unspoken question of what would you have done? hung between them, and Cally didn't even want to go there, because she had a damn good idea of the answer.

"Yeah," she said. She swept the cards up with a sigh and began to shuffle. "I think we've got time for one more hand before the others come in."

Dee tossed her hair back over her shoulder and put on a bright smile. "Yeah," she said. "We do."


	2. Chapter 2

"Mama!"

Nicky toddled over to her, his chubby arms outstretched, binky in his mouth. "I thought we were going to start taking that away," Cally said to Galen as she swept Nicky up into her arms and kissed him carelessly on the cheek.

"The same week you leave?" Galen said scornfully. "Frak that, Cally."

He was right, but Cally didn't feel like admitting it. "How was he?" she asked.

"Fine. We managed," Galen said, and Cally savagely noticed that Mr. Machine there looked exhausted. "Look," Galen said, running his hand over his hair, "Cally, can we talk about this? I know that-"

"What is there to talk about?" Cally asked angrily. "From where I'm standing, it's pretty cut and dried."

"But I didn't lie to you, Cally!" Galen insisted. "I swear to you, I didn't know!"

"You knew," Cally said. "You've known for a while."

Galen threw his hands up in exasperation. "Has it occurred to you that it was a huge shock to me? That I still don't know what the frak is going on? Has that ever once crossed your mind?"

"It doesn't matter," Cally insisted stubbornly. She looked around the room. "Where's his spaceship?"

"Probably between the couch cushions, where he always stashes it. Cally-" Nicky started to fuss, wanting Cally's full attention, and Cally deliberately turned her back on Galen. "Fine," Galen said, the scowl audible in his voice. "But this isn't over, Cally. Not yet. We're gonna fix this."

"There's no fixing." Cally said angrily.

She could imagine Galen making that gesture like he was ready to strangle someone, and then turning around in frustration. "Don't forget that Nicky's got an appointment with the doc over on the Rising Star," he said as he picked up his bag. "You need to be there fifteen minutes early."

Cally fixed him with a glare. "I know," she said. "Who the frak do you think usually takes him to these things?"

"Yeah, well…" he made a face, cupped Nicky's cheek and kissed his head, and then pulled away. "See you at roll call tomorrow," he said. "And you'd better not be late."

"Yes, sir," Cally said as he left the room. Nicky watched the hatch close, and then began to cry.

Cally shushed him. "It's okay," she said soothingly. "It's all right, little man. Mommy's here. Mommy's not going anywhere." He settled against her shoulder, warm and heavy, and sniffled, smearing snot across her BDU. Cally sighed.

The night stretched out in front of her, just her and Nicky. And it seemed long and lonely, with no one to talk to, no one to lean on, only this child. This child of hers and Galen's, who was a… a… she took a deep breath. No. She couldn't say it. Not even in her head.

She sat on the bed and watched as Nicky played, toddling around the room. She couldn't even bring herself to care much when he emptied out her carry bag item by item, or when he sat down and began to flip slowly though a tech manual, occasionally ripping a page by accident. She just watched him in silence, wondering when the hell this had become her life.

***

"Mama," Nicky said, wrapping his arms around Cally's legs and burying his face in her thighs.

"Not right now, Nicky," Cally sighed in exasperation, peeling him off. She bent over the pressure gauge that she was trying to repair. "Mama's busy."

Nicky toddled away for a moment, and then returned before Cally could even put down the screwdriver she was using and pick up another one.

"Car."

"Yes, that's a car," Cally said, not even looking at it.

"Car!"

"Yes! That's a car!"

"CAR!"

"Frak it, Nicky! I'm trying to work!"

There was a knock on the hatch. Cally threw her hands in the air and pushed back from the table. "For frak's sake! Would it kill people to let me finish-" she flung the hatch open. Hoshi was standing there, looking surprised.

"Sorry, is this a bad time?"

"No, come on in," Cally said, almost relieved. She stepped aside. Hoshi was wearing his BDUs and looked a lot more relaxed than he usually did. "What's up?"

"I just thought you might like a little adult company," he said with a smile.

"And you were lonely?" Cally teased, a bit of good humor beginning to creep back into her mood.

"Yeah, well, maybe a little of that, too. Hey, are you Nicky?" he asked as Nicky eyed him suspiciously.

"Yeah. That's Nick," Cally said. "He's been driving me insane tonight."

"Is that right?" Hoshi smiled down at the child, who crept a little closer to Cally, taking him in. "You wouldn't do that, would you, big guy?" he asked, teasingly. "What's that? A car?"

Within a half hour, Cally wasn't sure which one of them had the other completely captivated. Hoshi was sitting on the floor, patiently running cars all over a makeshift road with Nicky, who was making sputtering noises. Cally, who had finally finished the repairs to the pressure gauge, watched them with amusement.

"You're very good with him," she observed.

Hoshi waved it off. "I imagine on a place like Galactica he's used to having a huge extended family," he said.

"Maybe," Cally said dubiously, wondering what that 'extended family' would do if they knew Nicky was a hybrid child. The thought chilled her- why hadn't she wondered that earlier?- and she shook herself. "Do you have nieces and nephews?"

"No," Hoshi said shortly.

"Oh. Um, kids?"

"Oh, no." The dark look that had flashed across his face vanished, and he laughed. "Not yet, anyway."

"You want them?"

Hoshi smiled at Nicky, who was climbing up and running a car over his shoulder. "I do. Very, very much if you want the truth."

Cally considered that. "Your own?" she asked. "Or would you adopt?"

"Depends on what Earth is like, I expect," Hoshi said. "I mean, if we don't find it by the time I'm ready, I suppose finding a surrogate would be the best idea, just so one of us is contributing to the genetic gene pool. With as small a population as we've got, that would almost be imperative. But if we do find Earth, or if the chance for adoption comes up… I'm open to that, too." He flushed. "Of course, I suppose it depends on what Felix thinks, too."

"You could do it without him."

"I could. I'd rather not. It's not what I want." He ducked his head as Nicky ran a car over his hair.

"Yeah, well, not everyone gets what they want," Cally muttered.

Hoshi rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it," he said.

To both Cally and Nicky's delight, Hoshi stuck around and helped her put Nicky to bed. And even after Nicky was snug and settled in his crib, the little nightlight that Cally had made him throwing lights on the walls, Hoshi stayed.

"Thank you. You're more help than Galen ever was," Cally said, setting out two glasses of water for them. "I wish I had more to offer you."

"That's all right," Hoshi said. "And you're welcome. I just hope I have one half as cute some day."

"You'd be a good dad."

"I hope." Hoshi ran his finger around the rim of his glass. "It would be nice to finally have a family."

"Finally?"

He shrugged. "I was a foster child. I spent my entire childhood being passed from one family to another."

"Really?"

"Seven families, three planets, and eighteen foster siblings," Hoshi said.

"You're kidding." Cally thought of the stories she'd heard about foster families. "That's awful!"

"Not as bad as it might sound," Hoshi said. "Two of them were fantastic. One was a minister and his wife- they had children themselves, but took in foster kids. I stayed with them for two years, but that was all they could commit to. I still wrote to them, and they always wrote back. Even when…" he flushed.

"Even when what?" Cally asked.

Hoshi hesitated. "Look, I don't like lying about this, and most of my friends know it about me, okay? But I'd rather you didn't tell anyone."

"I can do that," Cally promised.

Hoshi picked up his glass and focused on it. "I spent a year in jail."

Cally instinctively glanced over at Nicky. "For what?" she asked.

"Theft. Trying to steal a car." He rolled his eyes. "I don't know. I hate to play the victim, but I really got frakked up for a while when I was a kid. I mean, two of the families I stayed with were amazing, three were all right, but two… they were nightmares. And I mean nightmares. And I got into all sorts of things I shouldn't have- drugs, sex… you name it. I got caught trying to steal a car, and I got tossed in jail. But I was a minor, and I didn't actually succeed in stealing the car, so I didn't have too long a sentence."

"Wow." Cally was stunned. "I never would have thought-"

"That's kind of the idea," Hoshi said with a smirk. "It's not exactly something I'm proud of. And you know how they call them 'correctional facilities'? Well, sometimes, they work."

"So you wrote to the minister and his family?"

Hoshi nodded. "It took me six months to write that letter. I stayed with them between twelve and fourteen, and… well, the family I went to next was fine, but I only stayed there six months, and the family after that…" he shook his head. "But Bob and Katrina were the only ones I felt like gave a shit, and you know what? They really did. They came." He took a drink. "It was Katrina who suggested I enlist, and that the military would give me at least a job and some structure. I agreed, they talked to a few people and I got parole for good behavior, and eventually I enlisted. It was the best thing that ever happened to me, and later, when I got all my shit together and enough time had passed, that's when I went to Officer's School."

"They let you go?" Cally asked, surprised. "Even with a criminal record?"

"I was a minor on Tauron when I was convicted," Hoshi said. "That helped. I had to do several restorative justice projects, and I needed ridiculously high scores and recommendations from any number of people, and I was told that my chances for promotion past Captain would be slim, and even that would be slow. But yeah, I got in."

Cally was still wrapping her mind around it. "It's hard to believe that you are an ex-con."

"More like a juvenile delinquent," Hoshi pointed out. "It was another life."

"That first time I met you, in Joe's," Cally realized, "I asked where you were from, and you were very adamant that it was the Pegasus."

"It was my first assignment after Officer's School," Hoshi said, "and really, it was the only place I ever truly felt like I belonged. It was the only real home I ever had."

Later, after Hoshi had left, Cally thought about what he said. The only real home I ever had. That certainly wasn't true for her- she'd adored her parents, she had friends, and she'd always felt at home here on Galactica, and even on New Caprica. But as she looked around the quarters she'd shared with Galen and felt completely out of place, she had a pretty good idea of how he felt.

***

She was walking through the halls, holding Nicky's hand and thinking about the Viper she'd been repairing when she crossed paths with President Roslin, Tory Foster close in her wake.

"You haven't said anything," Tory hissed in her ear as the President knelt down to give Nicky a few cuddles.

"You'd know it if I had," Cally whispered back angrily. "But no. I haven't."

"Good. And don't forget it." Raising her voice to an audible, professional level, Tory said, "Madame President, I hate to hurry you away, but your meeting with the Admiral starts in two minutes."

President Roslin sighed. "Thank you, Tory," she said. She gave Nicky a final pat on the head. "He's darling. You're doing a wonderful job, Cally."

"Thank you, sir."

"How's Galen doing these days? I haven't seen him since the last meeting with the Colonial Workers' Alliance."

Cally felt Tory's eyes on her. "I wouldn't know," she said distantly. "We've separated."

"Oh." The President covered her mouth. "Oh, my gods. Cally, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- I hadn't heard."

"It's all right Madam President," Cally said, forcing a smile. "But I don't want to make you late for your meeting."

"No. No, I should…" the President started to gather herself and head down the hall, but then turned back at the last minute. "Cally, are you all right? Is there anything you need?"

Tory's eyes were boring holes into her now. Cally kept her smile dutiful. "No, I'm fine. Believe me, there's plenty of work to keep me occupied. Speaking of which…" she glanced at Tory, and Tory nodded approval.

"Oh, well," the President said, her composure returning to her. "Take care, Cally."

"You too, sir." Cally took Nicky's hand more firmly and guided him away, Tory's expression chilling her blood.

Frakking toaster.

***

Midnight wakings. Convincing Nicky to eat. Diaper after diaper after diaper. His hands constantly pulling on her pants, his wails constantly in her ears, his nose constantly needing to be wiped. They were all things that Cally had thought she was used to, had thought she had the hang of, and now, every last one of them drove her insane.

"Stop!" she shouted at the tantruming ball of flesh and circuitry. "Just… STOP! Let me have five minutes of silence! Five frakking minutes! Is that really so hard?"

The rage welled up in her, and some isolated part of her couldn't believe she felt this way. Her muscles strained, and she wanted to just shake the child. Not that she ever would- she would never lay a hand on her son. But all she could do now was scream- primal and angry and tearing at her throat. She stood in the middle of her quarters, fists clenched as she just let it out. Nicky stopped and stared at her, and then added his wails to hers.

The hatch flung open, and two Marines stood in the doorway. "Is everything all right here, Specialist?" the one asked, looking confusedly from mother to child.

The other Marine was Caroline. "Oh, shit," she said. "Yeah, everything's fine here, Evans," she said to the first Marine. She put her gun down and undid her helmet. "Cover for me, will you? I'm just going to give Cally a hand for a moment."

"Yes, Sarge." Evans looked back at Cally and then ducked out, closing the hatch behind him.

Caroline was removing her vest. "All right, Nicky," she said firmly. "You giving your Mama a hard time? Listen, you hang out with me while I call some reinforcements, and we'll let Mom get her breath back, okay?" It was said with a matter-of-fact kindness that made Cally nod automatically, wiping her face with her hands. Nicky didn't stop crying, but Caroline picked up the phone, dialed a number and had a quick conversation all while balancing a wailing Nicky on her hip. Cally watched helplessly, tears streaming down her face.

"Is he sick or anything?" Caroline asked Cally.

"No," Cally said, shaking her head. "I just… I can't… he won't…"

"Okay. It's okay, Cally," Caroline reassured her. She patted Cally's shoulder awkwardly until there was a discreet knock, and then Dee slipped in.

"Sorry to call you," Caroline said, "but I've got duty and-"

"No, it's fine. It beats the paperwork I was doing. Go back to duty."

Caroline put her helmet back on and shouldered her gun as Dee took the baby. As Cally watched, Dee put some water on the heater, soothed Nicky, and got into settled into clean clothes, all with an air of competence that spoke of years of high school babysitting. When Nicky was happily playing with his cars, Dee made them both a cup of something meant to be tea and sat Cally down.

"You okay?" she asked.

Cally shook her head. "I thought I could do this, but I can't. I just can't do it anymore." She put her head down in her arms on the table and cried in earnest.

"Shhh." Dee stroked her hair. "You're expecting too much of yourself right now. You just left Galen, and you're still reeling from it. You're doing fine."

"I'm not. You have no idea how not fine I'm doing. Every time I look at him, all I see is his father."

"It will get easier," Dee soothed her. "After time, everything will get easier."

Cally wished she could believe her.

***

It was a relief when Galen arrived at the family quarters, and Cally couldn't hand Nicky to him fast enough.

"He's been that bad?" Galen asked. Cally just shrugged. Galen shifted Nicky onto his hip, and Cally looked away. "Listen," he said, "you're gonna hear about it tomorrow morning, but Raptor 718 is having some issues again. It's all yours."

"Mine?" Cally asked.

"Yeah, well, it's not like you don't have time next week," Galen said waspishly. "Or am I cutting into some date time?"

"Date time?"

"I've seen that officer sniffing around you," Galen accused. "You're sure not wasting any time, are you?"

"You mean Hoshi?"

"Frak yeah, I mean Hoshi! Geeze, they say that people only get suspicious of an affair because they're having one themselves, and it looks like-"

"I was suspicious because there really was something going on!" Cally shouted back. "And there is nothing between me and Hoshi! He's Gaeta's lover."

Galen drew back as if he'd been slapped, and Cally knew he put the pieces together immediately about what Hoshi probably knew and didn't know. But he rallied with no problem. "Just because he fraks men doesn't mean he won't go after you, too! Especially with Gaeta not even in the Fleet!"

"And how is Tory these days?" Cally countered.

"I keep telling you-"

"You're a Cylon, not a cheating scumbag," Cally said acridly. "Forgive me if I don't find the first more forgivable than the second."

"You know what? Fine! You've made your point! If you don't want to be around me because of something I can't control, just get the frak out, Cally!"

"Fine. I will." She scooped up the bag and stormed out the door. She was halfway down the hall before it dawned on her that she hadn't even kissed Nicky goodbye. She hesitated, but she couldn't hear any screaming or crying. Just as well.

Like could look after like, after all.

***

The night before her week "off" from Nicky was up, she found herself in the Remembrance Hall, staring at pictures. Her eyes had blurred over when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Who was he?" Hoshi asked, indicating the picture she was staring at.

"James Lymon," Cally said. "Jammer."

"Friend of yours?"

"Yeah." Cally sighed heavily. "He asked me to marry him once."

"You were…" Hoshi trailed off.

"No." Cally managed a smile. "It wasn't like that. It was after the attacks on the Colonies, and they were talking about babies and reproducing. We were all talking and drinking and talking about what our futures should have been, and Jammer- he was drunk out of his mind- but Jammer just turned to me. And he said, 'Hey, Cal, I'm now the best you're gonna do. Marry me.'"

"What did you do?" Hoshi asked, looking at the picture.

"Shoved him, told him there were still a few thousand men before he was the last man left alive, and we all had a good laugh about it," Cally admitted. "Him, too. He wasn't serious. But what if I had? What if I'd married Jammer instead of Galen?"

"World's full of what ifs," Hoshi said dubiously. "You might have been even more miserable with him."

"Thanks," Cally said sourly, but she was still staring at the picture. "You know what the crazy thing is? In some way, I wish Galen had died rather than finding out-" she shook her head angrily, wiping her cheek with the palm of her hand.

"Rather than finding out what?" Hoshi asked. Cally didn't answer, and Hoshi grabbed her arm. "Cally… do you know something?"

"I do, but I can't tell anyone," Cally said. "They'll hurt him."

"They'll hurt Galen?"

"They'll hurt Nicky!"

Hoshi glanced around. They were alone in the hall, but he still stepped closer. "Cally, if someone is threatening you, you need to report it."

She shook her head violently. "No. I can't. Besides, no one will believe me."

"They'll believe you. Is it Tyrol?" Hoshi asked. "Is he the one threatening you?"

"No," Cally admitted. "But I can't-"

"You can." She didn't answer, and he leaned in. "Come on, Cally. What's happening? What did you find out?"

She looked around one more time, and her body leaned in of its own accord. "He's a Cylon," she whispered. "Him and Tory and Tigh."

"Tyrol and Tory and Tigh are Cylons?" Hoshi said. He didn't seem nearly alarmed enough, and Cally had the terrible thought he could be one of the last two. "How did you come by that?"

"Galen was acting strange," Cally explained. "I thought… I thought he was having an affair with Tory Foster. Maybe he was, I don't know. But I followed them, and they went to a weapons locker met up with Tigh, and I heard them. I heard them say-"

"Frak," Hoshi said, and his face went paler than usual. "Frak." He slid down the wall, sitting on the floor. After a moment, Cally sat down beside him. "You're telling me that the Deck Chief, the President's aide, and the XO are all Cylons?" Cally nodded. Hoshi scrubbed his face. "Frak," he whispered again. He thought about it. "Which one is threatening you?"

"Tory. She knows I know, and she said that if I ever told, that Nicky would regret it. I don't know if she'd hurt me or hurt him, but I really don't want to find out. Because I believe she would do it."

"She'd do it," Hoshi agreed. "Does Galen know you know?"

"Yes. I'm guessing they haven't told Colonel Tigh, or he'd probably be down my throat about keeping my mouth shut as well."

"Tigh. And Tyrol. And Tory." Hoshi tried to absorb it. "It doesn't make any sense. Weren't they all in the Resistance on New Caprica?"

"Galen keeps trying to tell me that he didn't know then."

Hoshi pulled his knees up and leaned his forehead on them. His lips were moving, almost as if he was calculating. Finally, he sighed.

"Well, maybe he did and maybe he didn't," he agreed. "But one thing's clear. They aren't in league with the Cylons we know."

Cally had never put words to that thought, but she realized it must have been in there in her, because she believed him completely.

"They would have done something long before this if they were," Hoshi continued. "What's more, I'd bet that the Cylons don't know that they're Cylons, for some reason. I mean, wouldn't it have come up on New Caprica? They should have noticed somehow. Either shot them or hugged them or something- something loud enough that everyone would know."

Cally nodded. "And that's part of why no one is going to believe me if I tell," she said. "And everyone knows I thought Galen and Tory were having an affair- I made a big enough scene in Joe's." She grimaced, not wanting to remember that night in any way. "They'll just see it as an attempt at revenge or whatever."

"Yeah. And no offense, but the Admiral will never believe you over Tigh."

"No offense taken," Cally muttered.

"Frak," Hoshi repeated.

"Yeah. Frak," Cally said.

Hoshi fumbled for her hand and squeezed it, and she squeezed back. They sat in the Remembrance Hall together in worried silence.

***

In the end, telling Hoshi accomplished nothing real. They decided not to do anything, although Hoshi suggested telling Gaeta when he returned. It was a good call, Cally thought. If anyone would believe her about Colonel Tigh, it was Gaeta.

But she noticed Hoshi came around a little more at night to spend time with her and Nicky. She watched him rocking Nicky, Nicky's face buried in his neck, a protective gentle-seeming guard dog that Cally thought would be fierce if provoked.

Which was why she was so surprised when the guard dog came out at her.

He was doing paperwork and she was carefully soldering together a broken connection when Nicky started fussing. Cally took a deep breath and focused on the soldering. "Would you mind getting him?" she asked.

"Yes."

Cally bit her lip. "Hoshi, I'm in the middle of this, and I can't waste the solder. Gods, it sounds crazy to say we're getting short on solder, but-"

"I'm not getting Nicky, Cally."

"But I-"

"He's just fussing. He can wait for you."

Cally chanced a glance up, her brows furrowing. "What the frak- ow!" She jerked her hand away, popping her finger in her mouth. "That frakking hurt," she said around the burnt finger.

"Mmm." Hoshi raised an eyebrow, and then looked back down at his paperwork. "Do you realize that, as far as I can tell, you've managed to avoid picking Nicky up for the past three days?"

"That's not right," Cally said.

"Actually, it is. I've been keeping count."

"Why the frak would you do that?"

He shrugged. "Something I noticed. You don't pick him up. You've only given him a very brief kiss. You haven't played with him. And if you can avoid it, you don't speak to him." He flipped a paper over and made a notation on a map.

"It's coincidence."

"It's because he's part Cylon."

"That's not true!" Cally replied instinctively, finally putting down the soldering iron. "I haven't…" but she trailed off, because she had, and she knew it. As if he sensed her distress, Nicky's fussing grew more insistent.

"Go pick him up," Hoshi said.

Cally sat back, crossing her arms. "No."

"Yes."

"He can cry it out."

Hoshi put the pen down and sat back, looking her square in the eye. "That's not something I've ever heard you say before. Go get your son."

"Make me."

"Specialist Henderson, as your superior officer, I am ordering you to pick up your son. If you do not, you'll find yourself in the brig for insubordination."

Cally meant to stare him down, but the Hoshi sitting across from her wasn't the friend she knew. This was the Pegasus CIC officer, who'd been on deck during things Galactica people only whispered about. Reluctantly, she stood and crossed the room to pick up Nicky.

"Sit down in the chair," Hoshi ordered her. She obeyed. "Now rock him."

Nicky cuddled up against Cally's shoulder. Cally rocked mechanically, not holding him so much as letting him lay against her. Hoshi stepped closer, and picked up one of her wrists. He wrapped her arm around  
Nicky, so her hand cupped his head.

"Why are you doing this?" Cally asked, and she was surprised to hear her own voice shaking. "It's not… I'm not a bad mother."

"No, you're not," Hoshi said, and his voice was gentler now. "And I understand, Cally. Believe me, I do. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling towards Tyrol right now, and towards Nicky. But no matter what he is… Nicky is your son. And nothing- nothing- should ever change that."

"I wouldn't let it," Cally insisted. "I just… I need time."

"You don't have time," Hoshi insisted. "Because if you let it start happening now, it's only going to get worse. And when you turn around and decide you want what you had back, you won't be able to get it."

Cally looked down at Nicky, who looked up at her with wide, innocent eyes. "But I don't know what to do with him," she said. "He's… how am I supposed to raise a hybrid?"

"Like you've been doing," Hoshi pressed. "Nicky hasn't changed. Only your knowledge about him has. Only the situation."

Cally couldn't answer. But Nicky reached up and touched her nose, and then laid his head back down against her shoulder. And without Hoshi prompting her, she laid her cheek against his hair.

Hoshi smiled, and gathered up his papers. "I'll see you tomorrow, Cally," he said. "And once you get through tonight, it will be easier."

"You sound like Dee."

He shrugged. "Dee is a very, very smart woman. I should be so lucky. Have a good night." He let himself out.

Nicky glanced at the door, and then looked back up at Cally. His little face was so trusting, and Cally touched his baby soft cheek. "I'm sorry, Nick," she said quietly. "Have I really been a lousy mommy?" Nicky didn't answer; he just sucked his binky. Cally pulled him back against her, wondering what the hell to do. Finally, she sighed. "I know it's not much," she said, "but why don't you sleep with me tonight, big guy?" She put him down on the floor, got ready for bed as he watched her, and then crawled into the big bed, curling protectively around him. She couldn't think of anything to say, but she fell asleep stroking his fine, soft hair as he snuggled against her.

***

"Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship." Hoshi's voice was clear over the intercom, and Cally joined the rush in prepping Vipers and Raptors.

She caught Shark on the way out. "Careful with 718," she told him. "I still can't find what's wrong with the navigation system."

"Careful? Flying into battle? Cally, you've really got an odd way of looking at the world," Shark teased her. "You'd think that-"

"There's a weapons hold!" Racetrack shouted above the ruckus. The deck quieted, and everyone turned to Racetrack, who was already in her Raptor and listening to the communicator. "Five Raptors stay behind to wait for Marines and passengers," she relayed, and then looked up. "Twofer, Rubber Ducky, Shark, Roses, and Killer, you guys wait. Everyone else, get in the air, get armed, get your hands on those triggers, but don't fire until we get the word."

Shark's brow furrowed. "That's weird."

"Yeah," Cally agreed. "I wonder what's going on?"

"Must be something with the Demetrius. Gods, I hope they found a planet with food. Anything that's not algae."

"Not Earth?" Cally asked.

Shark snorted. "Don't get me wrong, Earth would be great," he said. "I'm just not that optimistic."

As they waited for the Marines to get briefed and the brass to arrive, Cally wondered just how much she still believed in Earth. She must, she realized, because just the word still had a power to fill her with hope and wonder.

She spotted Caroline with the Marines, and extended her hand as she ran by. Caroline slapped it and jumped into 718, and then all of the Raptors were gone.

And then the waiting began.

"I hate this part," Danielle muttered, more out of form, as Cally passed her during their landing bay prep procedures.

"Doesn't everyone?" Cally agreed. She glanced over at Galen. He was talking agitatedly to Laird, "Looks like they're at it again," she muttered to Danielle.

Danielle rolled her eyes. "Great. That means Laird will be a blast to work with."

The minutes stretched on into an hour. Cally wasn't even sure if the Fleet was still around them, or if the Vipers were fighting, or what was happening. There was a group huddled around the wireless, but no one seemed to actually know what was happening.

Finally, the Raptors and the Vipers began returning. "What the frak is going on?" Cally asked Narcho as he climbed out of his bird.

"Not a frakking clue," he said. "All I know is that the Demetrius is back, and they brought a basestar."

"A what?" Cally nearly shrieked.

"Yeah," Narcho said, nodding bitterly. "A basestar full of toasters."

"What the… and we didn't gun them down?"

"You're asking the wrong person, Cally," Narcho sighed. "Believe me, I'm with you."

"Get a medical team over here right now!" Helo shouted over the general hubbub. Cally turned around to see a few Marines easing a soldier out of the Raptor. She stepped back, making sure that she was well out of the way.

"Hey, Cally." Shark caught her arm. "Can you come here a minute?"

"Sure. What's up?" she asked.

Shark led her over to his Raptor. "It might be nothing," he said, "but on our way over to the basestar, there was this weird whine. It sounded like it was coming from near the jump drive."

"It's something," Cally sighed. "It's all something anymore, and this one's been ready for the junk heap for a while. The question is if we have the parts to fix it." She grabbed a flashlight, got down on the floor and crawled under the Raptor. As she did, she heard the medical team rushing by. "Stay with us, Lieutenant Gaeta," she heard one of them say. That didn't sound good, but she had a job to do.

Finally, she crawled out from under the Raptor. "When we've got the go-ahead, take me out in it," she told Shark. "I couldn't see anything, but that doesn't mean a thing anymore."

"Sounds good."

Cally picked up a rag and wiped her hands. "What happened to Gaeta?" she asked, nodding towards where the medical team had disappeared.

Shark frowned. "He was shot, but on the Demetrius. It looks pretty bad."

"Anyone told Hoshi yet?" Cally asked.

"Got me," Shark said with a shrug. He glanced at his watch. "Should we take 718 out now, or wait a bit?"

"Let me ask the Chief," Cally said.

Galen looked far away when she approached him, talking quietly with Colonel Tigh. Cally cringed, but crept closer.

"Did you see anything? Anything suspicious?" Galen was asking.

"I saw an entire frakking basestar of Cylons that Starbuck brought back," Tigh growled. "That suspicious enough for you?"

"I mean-"

"I know what you mean, and no. I have just as little a clue as I did before I went over there. Now shut the frak up- there are people around. We've both got work to do." Tigh strode away.

Cally cleared her throat. Galen turned to her and rolled his eyes. "Frak, Cally, don't even start. Not now."

"I wasn't going to start," Cally said. In truth, Galen looked terrible- his eyes bloodshot and his face pale. "Shark's complaining about 718 again. I wanted to take it out and hear the noise he's talking about for myself."

"Yeah, yeah. That's fine. Go ahead," Galen said.

Cally bit her lip. "Also, someone should tell Lieutenant Hoshi that Lieutenant Gaeta's in sickbay."

Galen's face darkened at that, but finally, he nodded. "I'll send someone up to the CIC," he said. "Don't know how much good it will do, but I'll send someone up. Go take 718 out and see what the frak Shark's going on about."

"Yes, sir." She started away.

"Cally?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you take Nicky tonight?" Galen asked in a rush. "I know it's my week, but I have no idea what the frak is going on, and he might be safer with you."

Cally hesitated for a long moment, and then nodded wordlessly. Galen smiled at her. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

It was the first moment since she'd found out that he was a Cylon that she didn't unconditionally hate him; when his first thought about the Cylons being here was for their son.

***

Felix Gaeta was one of those people that everyone on the ship knew exactly who he was, thanks to his job, but not many people were truly close to. Cally certainly wasn't. She'd known him some on New Caprica, before the Cylons landed, but that seemed such a lifetime ago. And while she and Hoshi had become friends very quickly, Gaeta had been gone the entire time. So Cally hadn't planned on going down to visit, until Dee came into her quarters swearing.

"What's wrong?" Cally asked her.

"It's Louis frakking Hoshi," Dee growled. "I went down to the infirmary to visit Felix, and do you know how many times Hoshi's gone down since Felix got back? Do you? Once. That's it. Just once."

"Duty?" Cally asked.

"That he volunteers for," Dee scowled. "Oh, not obviously, but he manages to engineer it so he's always on. He's barely been off in the seventy two hours they've been back."

Cally chewed her lip. Finally, she asked, "Do you want me to talk to him?"

"If you think it will do any good," Dee sighed. "I'm not sure it will."

"I can try," Cally said. "If you watch Nicky, I can go chew his ass out right now."

"Consider Nicky watched," Dee said, and Cally grinned evilly.

She found Hoshi pacing outside the infirmary. "Drop a contact?" she asked.

He looked up. "Excuse me?"

"Did you drop a contact?"

"I don't wear contacts."

"Pity. Because that's the only reason I can think of that you'd be out here pacing instead of inside comforting your partner who just lost his leg."

Hoshi glared at her. "I just need a few minutes to get myself together."

"So I hear. I hear you've needed lots of minutes to get yourself together."

"It's not your business," Hoshi said stiffly.

Cally raised her eyebrows. "And it wasn't your business when I was pulling away from Nicky. Didn't stop you from opening your mouth."

Hoshi glared at her suspiciously. "Dee sicced you on me, didn't she?"

"She did. It's not like I'd know a thing about it anyway."

"Then why are you down here?" Hoshi demanded. "I mean, you're not really friends with Felix."

"No," Cally agreed, "but I am friends with you, and I'm not going to watch you throw away the one thing you've got left making you happy."

"I'm not throwing him away," Hoshi denied. "I just…" he looked at her helplessly. "I just don't know what to say."

Cally shrugged. "Then say nothing. It's probably fine, because you can't say the one thing he'd want to hear anyway, which is 'here, have your leg back.' But get in there and say nothing while you're sitting next to him."

"I hate you," Hoshi told her.

Cally smiled. "I know. Now go." She grabbed him by the arms, turned him around, and shoved him through the door. Hoshi glared at her one last time, and then slunk through the door.

"I know it's hard," she said to where he'd been standing, "but you were right when you did it to me, and I'm right now, doing it to you." She turned around and went back to her quarters to tell Dee and to spend some time with her son.


	3. Chapter 3

"You're frakking kidding me!" Cally said, coughing on her drink. Danielle pounded her on the back. Joe's was crowded tonight, and the noise was a good cover for their conversation. Although it wasn't necessary, as half the people in the bar were probably discussing the same subject.

"I swear to the Gods," Dee said solemnly. "It's the truth."

"No." Racetrack shook her head. "No. It's just not… no."

"Dee's right," Seelix said solemnly. "I was on that damn ship, and Starbuck was dead serious about this. The Cylons are dead serious about this."

Racetrack was fuming. "Those frakkers really thing that after everything they've done- after everything they've taken from us and nuked and frakking blown up- that we even want their help? That we'd give them help?"

"Calm down, Maggie," Caroline said.

"No! I won't calm down! This is insane! The Admiral can't possibly be thinking-"

"Shh!" Dee hissed. "Let's not get the whole bar going!"

"Why?" Racetrack demanded. "If the Admiral is really thinking about doing this, why not let him know that this is pure insanity? Any sort of alliance with the toasters is frakking unacceptable!"

"I'm with Racetrack," Cally said. "Look what happened the last time the Cylons tried to work with us."

"It's not like we've got a say," Danielle sighed. She glanced at Caroline. "You've been awfully quiet."

"Yeah. It's just…"

"What?"

"They're letting us take away the ability to resurrect. Which means shooting the bastards will actually do something. I get what you're saying, Maggie," she said when Racetrack began to swell up again, "and in principle, I agree. But if we're ever going to survive… if we're ever going to have a chance to settle down and have any sort of home, we need to even the odds a bit."

"And if they're lying?" Racetrack demanded. "What if it's a trap?"

Caroline shrugged. "You know, I'm actually at the point where I'm willing to take my chances with it. What other choice have we got?"

"An alliance with the Cylons," Racetrack spat. "Just the very idea makes me sick." She clinked her glass against Seelix's, and then against Cally's. Cally drank. Racetrack was right.

And there was no way that Cally was going to think any differently.

Resurrection Hubs and kidnapped Presidents were worrisome, but Cally was used to knowing only part of the story and having to live her life anyway. She opened the hatch to their quarters quietly, hoping she wouldn't wake Nicky.

"Is he asleep?" she whispered.

"Yeah." Galen looked up from the work he was doing at the table. There were two mugs sitting on the surface. "The divorce papers came today."

"Oh." Cally looked at the table and bit her lip.

"Cally, can you sit? Please? I really don't want to sign these without talking it over first. If nothing else, for Nicky's sake."

This time, the argument of Nicky had an affect on her, and Cally sat down. Galen didn't smile. He just played with the pen, staring at the papers.

"You wanted to talk," Cally said when the silence had stretched too long. "So talk."

"Look," Galen said finally. "I know that you've made up your mind that it's too late for us. But I need to tell you what happened, because I'm gonna go crazy if I don't even get to say it." Cally didn't answer, and Galen took that as consent. "Listen- I didn't have any idea until we hit that frakking nebula. I believed I was human. I knew I was human. I mean, I questioned it, but that was around when we found out about Boomer, and who didn't wonder if they were a Cylon after that?"

"I didn't," Cally said.

"Yeah, well," Galen faltered, and then sighed in exasperation, "the point is, I had no idea, okay? Not until the nebula."

"I believe you," Cally said dully.

"You do?"

"Yeah. I saw you on New Caprica. I saw the Cylons around you on New Caprica. I don't think anyone had the idea." Cally shrugged. "But that doesn't change anything."

"It doesn't?" Galen asked.

"You still never told me."

"Can you blame me?" Galen asked. "With everything the Cylons have done, with how much you of all people hate them-"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't!"

"You frakking shot Boomer!" Cally started to defend herself, but Galen overrode her. "You shot Boomer! How the hell was I supposed to tell you, when you'd shot the last person you found out was a Cylon? It's not like you're the most open-minded-"

"Open minded?" Cally demanded incredulously. "This isn't a matter of a different religion or a different planet! It's not like the Sagittarons or something! It's-"

"Stop," Galen said, looking over his shoulder at Nicky's crib. "Look, this isn't what I wanted to talk about."

Cally bit her lip and took a deep breath. "Then what did you want to talk about?"

"How much have you heard about this alliance?"

"Enough."

"Cally-"

"Just that we're helping them find some Hub."

"Right. And in return, we're supposed to help them find D'Anna."

"What's so special about D'Anna?" Cally asked.

"She knows who the final five are."

The impact of that statement didn't fully hit her at first, and then she realized what Galen was getting at. "So everyone is going to…"

"You knew nothing," he said angrily. "No matter what anyone says, no matter what anyone claims, from here on out you knew absolutely nothing. Understand?" She nodded, and he sighed, sitting back and rubbing his face. "Did you tell anyone else? Anyone at all?"

"Lieutenant Hoshi," Cally admitted. "He was the only one."

The next question should be why? Not why had she told Hoshi, but why was Hoshi the only one she had told? Why had she kept quiet? But Galen didn't ask any of that. He just stared at the table. So Cally asked the question bothering her, instead.

"Why? Why are you protecting me?"

He looked up at her, and his eyes were red rimmed. "Because you're wrong about me," he said. "I don't understand what I am, but I know who I am, and you're wrong about me. I'm not going to let them do anything to you."

She looked suspiciously at the table. "And what's your price?" she asked, holding up the papers that would begin their divorce proceedings. "I don't sign this?"

"No price. No catch. It's a secret you never should have had to keep. You shouldn't have to pay for it."

"Ever wonder why I kept my mouth shut?" Cally asked him.

"No," Galen said. "I know."

That surprised her. "And you didn't say anything?" she demanded incredulously. "Or do anything?"

He shrugged, but he looked guilty at the same time. On one hand, it might look noble, the idea he was defending her to the Cylons without her knowledge, and on the other… on the other, her being kept quiet was incredibly convenient for him, and he didn't have to lift a finger to do it.

"Just… whatever happens, keep your head down, okay?" Galen said. "I don't care so much if something happens to me, but I don't want anything to happen to you or Nicky."

"All right," Cally said at length, and then only because it seemed like the right thing to say, she added, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Galen said, and he ventured a smile. Cally didn't return it, she just stared at him evenly. He cleared his throat and got to his feet. "You all set with Nicky, then?" he asked.

"I'm fine."

He looked back at the papers on the table. "What are you going to do about those?"

She stared at him for a long moment, and then picked up the pen and neatly signed her name. He sighed. She handed the pen to him, her eyes boring into him. Finally, he swore, took the pen from her, and signed his own name next to hers.

"I'll see you later," he muttered.

"Yeah."

"Be careful."

Cally nodded. But as he left, she heard herself saying, "You, too."

"How are you?" Cally asked, sitting down across from Hoshi. He was playing with algae, and his face was tired and strained.

"All right," he said with a sigh. He poked his fork into the green blob in his bowl. "They're discharging Felix."

"That's great," Cally started to say, but then thought better of it. "Isn't it a little early?"

"Way too early," Hoshi said. "Don't get me wrong- I know he wants out of the infirmary and I can't blame him, but he's still in so much pain. Adama says they need him in the CIC, and I think Felix is just… I think he's looking to be distracted, but…" he shrugged. His face looked a lot more bitter than it had before the Demetrius returned.

"How are you holding up?" something prompted Cally to ask.

Hoshi managed a little grin. "Are you going to kick my ass again if I tell you this is really, really hard?"

"No," Cally said with a little laugh. "I get it, actually. It's not the same thing, but I know how it feels to have to adjust your entire idea for the future. Even these days."

-"Yeah, I guess you do," Hoshi agreed. "It's just… every time I think we take a few steps forward, we take another giant one back. Some days, it feels like we're so close, but sometimes it feels like we're not even together- he just shuts me out so thoroughly. It's just…" he trailed off, shrugging, and Cally felt for him.

"You look exhausted," she said. "You should get some sleep."

"I should. But there's some navigation that needs doing." Hoshi pushed aside his largely uneaten food. "I'll see you later, Cally."

"Yeah." Cally watched him go.

Four Cylons. There were four Cylons in the Fleet. Cally watched D'Anna, wondering who the fourth one was. Tigh and Tory were trying not to look at each other. Cally looked up towards the catwalk and saw Galen standing with… with Sam Anders. Cally's breath caught, and she wondered if he was the last one. In some strange way, it fit.

And then, Tory Foster crossed over to D'Anna, claiming to need to give Laura Roslin her medicine. Cally stared, her eyes wide. Tory didn't say it, but everyone knew. She was one of the Final Five, and she was going with the Cylons.

Cally was free.

Tory's secret was out, and Cally could tell or not tell about Galen and Colonel Tigh. The realization was like a weight off her shoulders, and she closed her eyes in relief.

She looked up at Galen. He was watching the proceedings below. She wondered what would happen if she just stepped forward and said, "Chief Tyrol and Colonel Tigh are Cylons." She considered it.

But Galen had promised to protect her. She wasn't sure how much that counted for, but it counted for something. And if Cally was honest, the problem- the real problem- was still the same. People might have believed her about Tory. They would never, ever believe her about Tigh and Tyrol.

Cally stood in the hangar bay and kept her mouth shut.

"Did you hear?"

The whispers swept the corridors of Galactica like wind chasing dried up leaves. Cally knew what they were about before the words were even spoken.

"They're toasters. Frakking toasters. The Colonel, the Chief, and Anders. They're Cylons."

Cally braced herself for the hell that was about to break loose.

"Cally!"

Cally looked up from the socket she was working on. "Dee. What are you doing down here?"

Dee shifted. "You've heard about the Cylons?"

"It took about five minutes to circulate the ship," Cally said dryly. She glanced over, and saw Lee Adama leaving a launch tube, along with a contingent of Marines, Colonel Tigh, Sam Anders, and Galen. She shivered.

"Cally, are you… " Dee trailed off, and Cally understood. Are you okay? was just a dumb question when a woman had just supposedly found out the man she'd been married to was a Cylon. She smiled.

"I'm all right, Dee. I just… they didn't airlock him?"

"No." Dee chewed on her lip worriedly. "Starbuck claims that Tyrol, Anders, and Tigh just gave us Earth."

Cally's eyes widened. "Earth?" she said incredulously. "You're joking."

"I didn't say I fully believed it," Dee said, "but I'm not joking. Isn't it funny? We've spent four years dreaming about it and now, maybe it can happen…"

Dee said she didn't believe it, but Cally saw the hope flaring in her eyes, the faith written all over her face. She reached out and squeezed Dee's hand.

"Who knows?" she asked. "Maybe the gods are listening after all."

"Hey. Hey you! Toaster frakker!"

Cally kept walking, not looking behind her. She recognized Vireem's voice, and it brought her heart to her mouth and her blood to a boil.

"Cal..lee…" he called, dragging her name out in a sing-song. "Cal… lee…. What do you say, sweetheart? How about giving it up for a real man?"

She knelt down, ostensibly to tie her boot. Vireem stopped behind her; she could hear his breathing. "That's it, huh? Playing hard to get? Playing the innocent? Well, from what I hear, you're not-"

Vireem never got the chance to tell Cally what she wasn't. Cally put all her strength into it, standing and twisting so her elbow caught Vireem hard in the solar plexus. He doubled over, and her knee caught his chin. She pushed him away, and he staggered back against the wall.

"Don't you ever, EVER think you can get away with that again, you frakker," she growled at him. "If you try it again, I will kill you, do you understand me? You keep your frakking hands to yourself!"

There was applause. Cally looked around, startled, and saw several members of the crew watching, clapping. But there were others who looked on darkly, arms crossed, or not commenting. She ignored them, held her head hey, and delicately stepped over Gage's legs. The crowd parted for her, and she continued on her way.

But as she did, she knew she wasn't imagining the anger of some of the crew, or the vindication of others.

"Cally."

Cally looked up to see Laird ambling towards her. He looked serious and worried, but then, Laird always looked serious and worried. "Yes, sir?" As he got closer, she spotted the insignia pinned to his jumpsuit. "Sir" was the right word, all right. "Yes, Chief?" she corrected herself, oddly enough feeling like a traitor.

Laird's mouth flicked up in a semblance of a smile, but otherwise he ignored the rank. "I need a hand with Hot Dog's bird. I don't know what he managed to do to the targeting system, but it's a mess."

"Yes, sir." Cally glanced over at the Viper, battle-scarred and weary, even just to the eye. "Ten to one says there's a short in the FTP board."

Laird groaned. "I hope not. That will take hours. But you're probably right. Come on. Let's go see."

There was an odd sort of peace about working with Laird. He lived for his job, and didn't seem to see much outside it. When Cally was working with him, the complicated world reduced itself down to parts and engines, drives and wires.

The beeping of the intercom interrupted them. They both scooted out from under the console, sitting companionably together in the door of the Raptor.

"Women and men of Galactica. People of the Fleet." Adama's voice filled the hangar bay. They all froze, the solemnity of the moment obvious just from the tone of the Admiral's voice. "Three years ago, I promised to lead you to a new home. We've endured a difficult journey. We've all lost, we've all suffered, and the truth is, I questioned whether this day would ever come. But today, our journey is at an end. We have arrived... at Earth."

Cally's mouth fell open as the word washed over her. Earth. It was real, it was real… it was real. She sat still on the wing of the Viper for a long moment, her hands curled around the cool metal. Earth.

A cheer began building, echoing through the hangar deck. It snapped Cally out of her trance, and she looked at Laird. He was crying, tears streaking his face as he smiled. He reached out and hugged her, a gesture that she never would have associated with him, and she returned the embrace tightly.

All around them, the hangar deck was exploding with joy. People were hugging, kissing, shouting, laughing, and clapping…. Cally stood on the Viper watching it all, her face nearly splitting from her smile. She saw Danielle reach over and finally kiss Figurski, who looked shocked and predictably delighted. There was a group in the center like a vortex, spinning, drawing people into high fives, hugs, and shaken hands. Beside her, Laird had sat back down and was crying into his hands, shoulders shaking.

Earth.

She closed her eyes and stretched, light radiating through her. She had no idea what awaited them down there on that planet, but it had to be better than this.

She let herself into the quarters, even though it was Galen's night with Nicky. He looked up, surprised to see her.

"Hey," he said.

"How are you?" she asked softly.

He blinked, but then nodded. "We're doing okay. Cally-"

She stared at him and Nicky, settled together, sitting on the bed. Her vision began to blur, and to her surprise a part of her wanted to go join them, especially on tonight of all nights. But she didn't move.

"Hey," Galen said, "you okay?"

She nodded. "I am. I just… it's Earth."

"Yeah. I know."

"What's going to happen now? With Nicky?"

He snorted. "You're asking me? You know my answer. We get back together, we sort this all out, and we go on as a family." Cally didn't answer, and he sighed. "But instead of that, let's not make any plans tonight, okay, Cally? We have no idea what Earth is like, or what's going to happen when we get down there. We might all be in some sort of government quarantine, for all we know." She nodded. "I promise you, I'm not going to run off with Nicky, okay?"

She nodded again.

Nicky made a noise, and Galen smiled a little. "Come on," he said, scooting over and setting Nicky on the bed. "Come sit with us, just for a bit."

Cally wasn't sure, but her feet drew her there anyway. She settled on the bed, not touching Galen, but with Nicky sitting between them. Nicky smiled up at her and gabbled, and for a moment, Cally almost believed that this was real, and they were a family again.

It wouldn't happen, she thought. She wasn't even sure she wanted it. Galen was a Cylon, a liar, and probably a cheater as well. She didn't think she could forgive any of that. But just for a minute, she wished she could go back to when she didn't know any of that, and they'd been happy.

"What?" Galen asked.

Cally realized she was smiling. "It's nothing," she said. "It's just… I'm probably the only person on this ship hoping that I'll be as happy on Earth as I was on New Caprica."

Galen closed his eyes. "No," he said. "There might be another." He opened them, and then they both turned their attention to Nicky.

"Okay, on three," Cally heard someone saying as she made her way to a Raptor. "One, two… three!" She furrowed her brow, because it sounded an awful lot like Hoshi.

"Oh, come on!" Dee said. "Okay, best four out of seven?"

"All right, but this is it," Hoshi warned her.

Cally rounded the corner just in time to hear them counting off, and then doing something that looked an awful lot like 'rock, paper, scissors.' Dee put out scissors, Hoshi put out rock, and he raised his fist in the air. "Yes!"

"Five out of nine?" Dee tried.

"Just face it, the gods are not with you," Hoshi said smugly. "This is my mission, Lieutenant."

"Fine," Dee sighed.

"What's this all about?" Cally asked, shrugging her field jacket on.

Dee sighed. "Adama said one of us has to stay in the bridge," she explained. "He told us to work it out for ourselves."

"He wasn't overly specific as to how," Hoshi said with a huge smile. "Hey, I'll bring you back some Earth flowers, okay?"

"You'd better," Dee groused. "I'd better get back to the great excitement of the CIC." She trudged off.

Hoshi pulled on his own field jacket and hopped aboard the Raptor. "Are you coming, Cally?" he asked.

"I've got a spot," Cally said happily. He held out a hand and she accepted it as he pulled her on in. "Just in case anything goes wrong with the ships down there. Never been so glad that they're all ready for the junk heap."

"That fills me with such confidence."

Cally laughed. "How's Gaeta?" she asked.

Hoshi's smile dimmed for a minute, and then returned, but it looked a little forced. "Improving," he said. "Slowly, but he's improving. And now that we've found Earth…" his smile became a little more genuine. "Things will get better," he said.

"Are you guys okay?" Cally asked, not really liking the forced quality of his answer.

"We are," Hoshi said. "It's just… tough right now." He lifted his chin. "But we'll get through it. We've gotten through enough already, and… we'll get through it."

Cally nodded. She was about to say more, but a few Marines climbed into the Raptor, and Shark and Easy hopped in as well.

"Greetings, ladies and gentlemen," Shark said gleefully. "This is the nonstop, full service shuttle to… drumroll, please, Easy…" She complied, banging it out on the console. "Earth!" Shark finished with a flourish. The Marines cheered, and Hoshi and Cally joined in. The joy was infectious- it was impossible not to feel it.

"So buckle in tight," Shark continued, "and get ready for the ride of your life!"

Earth.

There it was, in all its broken glory. Burnt out structures, crumbling buildings, black soot and radioactive waste. Cally stood on the soil, staring around her in horror.

There was nothing here, nothing but ash and poison.

She found Hoshi kneeling by the water's edge, a set of jacks in his hand. His hand was shaking, and there were tears in his eyes.

"There were kids here," he whispered. "Children. And they died."

Cally just nodded. She put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged her off. She had no idea what to say, so she turned around and left him alone, the crunch of her boots on the gravel echoing in her ears, punctuated only by a quiet sob.

The strange, bleak spell broke when she saw Galen. He was standing against a crumbling wall, staring at it like he was trying to remember. She didn't care.

"You!" she shouted, and she ran at him. She pushed him as hard as she could, and he took a step back. "You! You brought us here! That's what they said! The Cylons gave us Earth! And this is what you gave us?" She swung.

Galen caught her fists. "Cally," he said, his voice cracking, "I didn't know. I didn't…."

"You brought us here!" Cally heard herself crying. "You. You did this. You frakking toasters!"

Galen was saying something, but Cally couldn't hear him. The tears were streaking down her face, hot and wet, and her nose was starting to clog, and her shoulders were hurting as she sobbed. She tried to pound his chest, but he had her hands tightly, and somehow, without her knowing how, he had his arms wrapped around her and she was crying into his chest.

She cried until her body began to protest, and it hurt more to let it out than to keep it in. It was only then that she was aware of Galen's arms around her, and even more, that her arms were around him and that he was stroking her hair. For a moment, it felt good, like those days when Galen had been her rock, her strength. And then she opened her eyes and saw the gray around her, and she pushed him away.

"Cally," Galen said hoarsely, "you have to believe me. I had no idea."

She just stared at him dully. "I don't know what to believe anymore," she said, and she turned and left him by his wall, staring at a blasted and broken past.

The Marines were silent as they loaded into the Raptor, and there was no banter between Shark and Easy. Cally thudded herself into her seat, and noticed that Hoshi wasn't there. She was about to say something when he climbed into the Raptor, not meeting anyone's eyes. He sat down in a corner, pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead on them. One of the Marines reached out and tried to pat his shoulder, but Hoshi shrugged him off.

As Shark and Easy began the pre-flight procedure, Cally heard him whispering, "It's okay. Don't fall apart. It's okay. Just don't fall apart."

But it was clear that he was.

The landing bay was full of confused people when they got out of the Raptor. "She didn't say a word," Danielle told Cally angrily as Cally climbed out of the Raptor. "Neither she nor the Admiral said a word. She just shook her head and ran. What happened down there?"

Cally took a deep breath. The crying fit on the beach had loosened her chest, and she could talk now. "It's nuked," she said. "The entire planet. It's completely uninhabitable."

"Frak." Danielle reeled backwards. "You're sure?"

"They're going to do more tests," Cally said, "but it looked bleaker than New Caprica."

"Gods." But Danielle seemed strangely calm about it. Cally realized she'd never heard Danielle talk about Earth. Which was odd- Danielle had always struck her as something of a dreamer. But then, Danielle was the one with clear enough eyes to see that Figurski- older, fatter, meeker, but kind and considerate and respectful Figurski- was a catch these days, and she went after it. Cally suddenly realized that Danielle was much more practical than anyone had given her credit for.

"How'd 718 hold up on the way down?" Danielle asked her.

Cally blinked. "You know, I barely noticed," she said. "We'll have to take it out again later."

Danielle nodded. Her eyes were fastened on Cally's, two anchors in this strange storm. "Maybe we can try a few jumps, see what the frak is up with that FTL drive."

"Right." Cally felt the world straightening out again. It didn't make it better- Earth was still a black, bleeding hole in her- but she clung to her work as a way to cope. "Right," she said with more confidence. "Let me go check on Nicky, and then we'll see if we can get this damn Raptor sorted once and for all."

Danielle smiled. It wasn't her bright, usual smile, but it was something. "Great. See you in two hours?"

"Two hours," Cally confirmed.

She was on her way to her own quarters when she passed Dee and Gaeta, who were just coming off their shifts in the CIC. "What happened?" Dee demanded.

Cally wondered why the hell she was the one constantly repeating this story. She'd already had to tell three other groups in her trek to her quarters. There didn't seem to be any official word yet. She burned with resentment at having to be the one to deliver bad news, to break people's hearts.

And looking at the stubborn hope on Dee and Gaeta's faces, Cally knew she had to do it again.

As she told them, she saw them both break. Dee's eyes filled with tears, and Gaeta's hands tightened on his crutches. Cally had the presence of mind to take him by the elbow and lead him over to a crate so he could sit, but Dee stood helplessly in the middle of the corridor, her chin trembling. Gaeta bent over, burying his face in his hands for a long moment. For some reason, the sight of Gaeta, who never deviated from calm, cool, and collected, breaking like that hit Cally, and hit her hard. Once again, her throat closed and the angry tears surfaced.

Then Dee was next to her, clinging to her hand. "It's really dead?" she asked Cally. "It's really that bad?"

"I guess so," Cally said, wiping at her face. "It sure looked it."

Dee looked at Gaeta, who was still sitting on the crate with his face buried in his hands. "Where's Louis?" she asked.

"Oh, gods, I don't know." Cally looked over her shoulder. "He was in my Raptor, and I'm pretty sure he got out, but…."

"I'll find him." Dee squared her shoulders, and Cally saw that same thing she had felt- a task was giving Dee some purpose, some way to survive the worst of this shock. "I'll go find him. Will you stay with Felix until I get back?"

Cally nodded, and Dee hustled off. Cally didn't know what to do, so she sat down on the crate next to Gaeta. He didn't really move at first, but finally he dropped his hands to his side.

"So that's it," he said dully. He snorted. "All this time, I knew that the Admiral didn't really know where we were going. But I still thought… I mean, I'm not religious, but the Scrolls have a basis in fact. And even if Earth wasn't inhabited by the thirteenth tribe, I thought we'd at least find someplace habitable. That we could be done, that we could start lives, and at least if the Cylons came along and blew us all to hell, we'd die happy."

"Yeah," was all that Cally could think to say.

"What a frakking waste," Gaeta said.

Cally was saved from having to say anything more by Dee returning with Hoshi. He must have been on his way for her to have found him so quickly. He looked different than he had on the Raptor; more collected, more at peace. He saw Gaeta and immediately came towards him. Gaeta struggled to standing, leaning heavily on the awkward prosthetic, but Hoshi caught him before he could fall. They stood together, silently embracing in the middle of the corridor. Cally exchanged looks with Dee, and Dee cocked her head for them to leave.

"It's just as well," Cally said quietly. "I need to check on Nicky before I get back to the hangar bay."

"What are you going to do?" Dee asked.

"Work until I can't work anymore," Cally said. "What about you?"

"I don't know," Dee said helplessly. "I just can't… I wanted so badly to go down there, and is it awful I'm glad I didn't?"

"No," Cally said. "Then you don't have the pictures in your mind. It's probably better." She knew she was only beginning to process what she saw on Earth, and it would be haunting her nightmares tonight.

Dee sighed. "I think we're going to need alcohol later."

"Lots of alcohol," Cally agreed. "I'll tell Danielle, and we'll meet you after we're done our shift."

"I'll let Seelix, Racetrack and Caroline know," Dee agreed. "Hell, if they're not on duty, I'll even see if Hoshi and Gaeta want to drink themselves into oblivion with us."

"Sounds good." Cally sighed and scrubbed her face with her hands. "I'd better go check up on Nicky and get him settled."

"Good luck."

Cally shook her head. "It will be the easiest part of my day. He's got no frakking clue as to what's going on."

"I envy him," Dee sighed.

"Yeah. Me, too."

The hangar deck was still chaos when Cally made it back an hour and a half later, Nicky safely ensconced in the daycare. It wasn't even an organized chaos- just a mess of people.

"Oh thank gods," Danielle said when she spotted Cally. "Let's get working on our Raptor. This place is-" before Danielle could finish, there was a loud crash. Cally spun around, and as she did so she heard yelling. Two deckhands were getting into a fistfight.

"Come on," Danielle said, but Cally was already charging over, looking for Laird or Galen. But neither of them seemed to be on deck.

"That's enough!" she shouted over the din. No one seemed to hear her. She took a deep breath. "SHUT THE FRAK UP!"

The two combatants stilled just long enough for Cally to squeeze through the crowd and between them. She put her hand on each one's chest and pushed them apart. "This is not the way this deck operates!" she shouted, loudly enough to roughen her throat. She noticed that one of the fighters was Vireem. She got up in his face. "You know I can kick your ass any time I want, so you will get back to work right frakking now before I prove it."

"Oh yeah?" Vireem loomed over her. "All right. Prove it."

Oh, shit. Cally tensed, bringing her fists up. "Fine," she said, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"She doesn't have to prove anything," Galen said, "and neither do you. Everyone get the frak back to work. If you want to fight, go ahead and fight, but not on the deck where you can break any of the few parts we've got left. You got it?"

There were murmurs- some of respect, some of dissent- and the crowd began to dissipate.

"You didn't have to step in," Cally muttered.

"Yes I did. Even though he's an ass, Vireem can at least turn a wrench, and you biting the fingers off his hand takes away the only use that waste of oxygen has."

"Yeah, well." Cally couldn't really argue with that. She brushed her hair back. "Danielle and I are going to grab a pilot and see about 718."

Galen groaned. "That's still giving you guys trouble?"

"Still. Want to plug your circuit board in and commune with it?"

He stared at her for a long moment, and then gave a short laugh. "Only you, Cally," he said. "Go ahead. I think you're the one person I don't need to worry about on this deck. Just tell me what you guys come up with, okay?"

"Got it." She gave a half-hearted salute and made her way back to where Danielle was waiting.

"What was that all about?"

"He's taking a moment to play deck chief," Cally sighed. "Can't imagine he's going to be here long, though. Those toasters are going to have a lot to answer for in terms of Earth."

"Come on," Danielle said, a little too sharply. "I got Racetrack. She said she'd take us out."

"Great. Seriously. What the frak is wrong with this Raptor, anyway?"

They drifted out into the darkness, the Fleet all around them. Danielle looked out the front window and sighed. "I wonder what it's like on the other ships," she said.

"It's got to be better than Galactica," Racetrack groused. "Frak, just about anywhere is better than here right now." She flipped a switch and then turned her head in disgust. "I just wish we could get that frakking planet out of our sight right now. It's like the biggest frakking tease, and I get sick just looking at the damned thing."

"Can we try a jump?" Cally asked her, ignoring the rest of the conversation as fixedly as she could. "Just a small one."

"Yeah. Let me put in the coordinates…" Racetrack entered them rapidly. "And jump." Cally swallowed as the tiny craft made the jump. In the past few years she'd gotten used to it on the Galactica, but jumping in the Raptors still made her nauseous. She stared at the data outputting on the ECO console.

"Frak," she said, studying it. "We're drifting."

"Yeah," Racetrack sighed, checking her own readings. "Not by much, but it was a small jump."

"Try one more," Cally ordered.

Racetrack obeyed, and suddenly, the Zephyr was right in front of them. Danielle and Cally both screamed, but Racetrack kept her head and turned the Raptor just in time.

"Frak," Cally panted. "It's the PC12N chip. That's the only thing that would do something like this." She sighed and fell back into her seat. "It's frakked."

"What's that mean?" Racetrack asked. "Junk heap?"

"Fleet traffic," Cally declared. "Unless we've got a spare chip."

"Great."

The news only seemed to depress Racetrack further, but as she piloted back to the Galactica's landing bay, Cally felt an odd sense of triumph. Raptor 718 had been off for so long… it felt good to finally have figured it out. A small triumph on a day of colossal disappointment, but it kept her going.

"Hey Cally," Danielle said as they left the hangar deck, "are you going by the officer's quarters at all?"

"Yeah, I need to go to the daycare just to check on Nicky before we go out. Why?" Cally asked.

"Dee said she'd leave a white dress on her bunk for me. I'd go get it but…" Danielle gestured down at her coveralls, which had been completely covered by an oil spill after they'd gotten back. Her nails were still black as well, and there were specks all over her face.

"Yeah. Especially since you said the dress was white. I'll bring it back to the racks for you."

"Thanks, Cally. I'll meet you there."

She arrived at the officer's racks just as Gaeta was leaving. His cheeks were flushed, and although he looked exhausted, a ghost of a smile lingered at the corners of his lips. His uniform jacket was unbuttoned, and he was struggling with the crutches and the heavy hatch.

"Let me get that for you," Cally offered.

"Thanks," Gaeta said. He struggled out, not looking at her. Cally imagined it must be extremely hard for him to accept help. He didn't say any more, just started down the hall. Cally shrugged and headed in.

She supposed she wasn't surprised to see Hoshi standing near his bunk, wearing his tanks and buttoning up his pants. But what was surprising was that the aura of peace that Cally had noticed in the hall was even stronger around him, and he was humming.

"You're glowing," she said suspiciously.

"Am I?" He opened the locker and pulled out his jacket. Cally noticed there were some pictures hanging inside, and stepped a little closer. He sensed her proximity and handed her one. "Remember I told you about them? That's Bob and Katrina." Cally studied the picture. They were a kindly looking couple; he was a tall, lean, dark-skinned man, and she was an equally tall, extremely beautiful redhead. He smiled and took the picture back, putting it in its place. "I never knew what either of my parents looked like, but once I tried to pretend that they really were my parents. I couldn't make myself believe it, but gods, I wished it."

Cally nodded and let her eyes drift back to the pictures. There was another picture of Hoshi with what looked like some of the brass from the Pegasus, and a picture of Hoshi with Gaeta. Cally's eyes widened. "I think that's the best picture I've ever seen of either of you," she said.

Hoshi touched it gently. "I know," he said. "We're both smiling. Really smiling. It feels like that was so long ago. We had no idea of what was in front of us."

"Well, none of us does," Cally said. She stepped back and glanced over the racks until she spotted Dee's dress, neatly laid out for Danielle. She picked it up.

Hoshi was still looking at the picture, his fingers lingering gently on Gaeta's face. "Hey, Cally?"

"Yeah?"

"If something ever happens to me, can you make sure that they use that picture on the wall? The one of me and Felix?"

"Don't talk like that," Cally scolded him. But she sighed. "I will. I have to go check on Nicky. Are you guys coming drinking with us?"

"Felix is. I'm not. Give Nicky a kiss for me, will you?" Hoshi said.

"All right. I'll see you later." Cally smiled at him and stepped out of the room, closing the hatch behind her. As she headed down the hall, she saw Gaeta struggling back towards the racks. "Forget something?" she said.

"Yeah, I needed a-" a sound that sounded far too much like a gunshot interrupted him. Cally froze, and her eyes met his.

"That wasn't-"

"No, it couldn't-"

They both turned, and Cally began to run back to the officer's racks. The hatch was unlatched, and she yanked it open. She managed to get two steps in before she stopped short, her hand over her mouth in a futile attempt to stop her own scream.

"What happened?" Gaeta said right behind her. Cally wanted to turn around and block his view, but she couldn't move and he fumbled around her. "No! NO!" Gaeta maneuvered over to Hoshi's body crumpled on the floor, a pool of blood growing around it. "No, Louis, baby… no," he cried, managing to kneel down beside Hoshi. "You're okay. You're going to be okay. We'll get you a medic, baby, and you'll be okay." Cally realized with growing horror that he was picking up bits of brain and trying to put them back into Hoshi's head.

"Somebody get a medic!" he shouted, but it was too late. Hoshi was dead, and no medic was going to save him.


	4. Chapter 4

The room was dark, lit only by candles, and there was a smell of incense. There was no body like there might have been back on the Colonies- the damage done by the gun was sickening, and there were no resources to make Hoshi's face look even close to how it had looked before. A flag lay over the table in the center, ready to be folded and presented when the time came.

Cally was sitting in front row. It seemed strange given how short a time she'd actually known Hoshi, but when she'd entered the front two rows were largely empty, despite the number of people in the room. Dee had frantically gestured to her, and Cally had taken the empty seat next to her.

Gaeta was sitting on the other side of Dee, staring blankly in front of him even as the priest talked. His face was empty, but he clung to Dee's hand so tightly that his fingers were leaving imprints. Cally saw Dee wince once, but she didn't protest; just kept her eyes fixed forward. Her mouth was turned down in frown, and there was a small line between her eyes.

The priest was droning; Cally had been hoping to find peace in his words, but it completely eluded her. She just kept staring at that table with the flag, wishing that if she closed her eyes and just hoped hard enough, Hoshi would be sitting on her other side, warm and solid and comforting.

She didn't realize how lost in her own thoughts she was until the noise of Gaeta trying to stand startled her out of them. He was struggling to his feet- well, his foot and his prosthetic- with Dee's assistance, although he didn't actually acknowledge that she was helping him. He made his way to podium, his dress grays neatly buttoned and contrasting sharply with the uneven cut where he'd removed the cloth from the pants.

He swallowed hard and gripped the podium. "Forgive me if I keep this short," he said, and his voice was surprisingly even. "I know many of you in the room knew Louis Hoshi much longer than I did, as he served on the Pegasus for over ten years before the Pegasus ever found the Galactica. And maybe I'm not the one who should be speaking, as I only knew Louis in the last year of his life. But although our time together was too short, I thought he would be in my life for much longer, and I…" his voice broke, and he looked down at the podium and took a deep breath. "I hope you will forgive my presumption.

"I wish I could say that Louis died happy, but we all know he didn't. I wish he'd been closer to that family he'd always wanted, to that home he was constantly searching for, but every time he made a step towards that dream, I- it pulled away. Home was the one thing he wanted, and home was the one thing…" Gaeta's voice broke again, and Cally's heart broke with it.

"I think there was a time…" Gaeta continued into the silence, "I think there was a time when he almost had it. When he had the hope of Earth, and even… even when it wasn't said, he had love. He was loved. But that hope, that time, it was taken from him, and he should have had something else to catch him. He should have had something else- some other hope- anything to look towards. Something strong enough to pull him through. But he was left with nothing and I…" He took a breath and lifted his chin. "I know how he felt. All of us… when we lose that thing that matters, when we lose that hope… we're all left with nothing." His eyes met Cally's for a moment, and she realized that she was trembling and tears were streaking her race.

"I'm not a religious man. I never have been, although I know Louis was. I hope he's right. I hope he's there on the other side, and that he's found everything he's searching for. Gods, I hope he's right, but even if he's not, I hope he has peace. Because for frak's sake, he left little enough of it behind."

The priest waited for Gaeta to say more, but apparently that was it. He fumbled for his crutches and made his way back to his place beside Dee, his eyes focused on the wall so he wouldn't have to look at anyone. The priest cleared his throat. "Is there anyone else who has something that they would like to say?"

Silence, and then one of the Pegasus soldiers raised his hand. Cally recognized him as Abel Thornton, a bridge officer who Hoshi had mentioned many times. He took the podium, and with what truly looked like a glare at Gaeta, began a eulogy of his own.

Thornton's eulogy was obviously more what everyone expected. The lines of worry, confusion, and anger faded from the priest's face, and this time, Cally heard the occasional sounds of weeping in the gathering. Next to her, Dee relaxed and wiped her eyes. But the words slid right over Cally, not touching her despite their apparent sincerity. She sat the rest of the service in silence.

There was an almost palpable relief in the room when the priest uttered the final prayer. The tension broke, and people stood up to pay their respects. Cally was about to go around Dee to get to Gaeta when someone caught her arm. She turned and instinctively yanked her arm out of Colonel Tigh's hand.

Tigh noticed, and his good eye widened, but he didn't comment on it. Instead, he looked over at where Gaeta was still sitting, his head bowed. "Tell me so I don't make a frakking fool of myself," Tigh said softly, "were they lovers?"

"Yes."

Tigh nodded, and his face seemed to take on an extra element of compassion. "Thank you, Cally," he said, and then straightened up as he went to speak to Gaeta. Cally watched him, wondering what he thought he could possibly say, when he was one of the ones that had led them to Earth in the first place. If those frakkers had only-

As if summoned by her thoughts, Galen appeared beside her. "How are you doing?"

Cally glared up at him. "We're at a funeral. How do you think I'm doing?"

Galen sighed. "I'm sorry, Cally," he said, and Cally realized he was ignoring her outburst and going ahead with a pre-planned speech. "I know he was a good friend to you these past few months, and I'm really sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," she said stiffly.

"Listen," Galen said, "I'm probably not the one who should tell him this, so could you let Gaeta know that Baltar is planning on saying a few prayers for… what?" he asked.

"Baltar is planning on saying a few prayers?" Cally asked incredulously. "Baltar?

"Yeah. Look, I've been meaning to tell you that I've been going to his services, but the time just never seemed right. I haven't taken Nicky and I… what?"

"Baltar is planning on saying prayers for Gaeta's dead lover," Cally said. "Forgive me if I keep my frakking mouth shut about the stupidest idea I've heard all day, because a funeral isn't the place to say what I really think."

Galen blinked, and then she saw the pieces click together. "Okay," he sighed. "Maybe it's not a good idea to tell Gaeta?"

"You think?" Cally asked acridly.

"Frak," Galen sighed. "This is not how this was supposed to go. I just wanted…" Cally kept her gaze locked on him. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry about your friend. I wasn't looking for a fight."

"Yeah, well." Cally looked around helplessly. "I should go say something to Gaeta."

"Yeah."

"Are you going to?" Cally asked pointedly.

Galen shifted, his hands shoved in his pockets. "Don't know if I'm the person he wants to see right now."

"You could say-"

"Say what? 'Sorry your lover shot himself because the place we led you to was a nuclear wasteland? And hey, while I'm at it, remember when I tried to toss you out the airlock? Good times, weren't they?' Trust me, Cally. I might not be the last person that Gaeta wants to see right now, but I'm in the top ten. I came her for you."

"Galen-" Cally closed her eyes.

"Go talk to Gaeta," Galen said. He patted her shoulder awkwardly, and then walked away.

Cally watched him go, and then turned back around to go talk to Gaeta. She had to wait; Vice President Zarek was talking to him. His voice was low and sympathetic, and his eyes were extremely kind and compassionate. Cally remembered seeing them together a few times on New Caprica, heads together and intent on whatever discussion they were having. She noticed that Roslin wasn't even in the room. Instead, it was Dee standing by the Admiral's side, talking awkwardly to him. Both of them kept casting dark glares at Zarek, who didn't seem to notice.

Zarek finally moved away to talk to some of the Pegasus crew, and Cally approached Gaeta. Much to her shock, Gaeta struggled out of his chair and met her with a hug. She hugged him back awkwardly at first, and then relaxing. When the pulled apart, Gaeta's eyes were wet.

"I'm so sorry," Cally whispered.

Gaeta hadn't completely let go of her; one of his hands was still on her shoulders. He cupped the back of her head gently. "Thank you. So much. Not just for what you said, but for being there for him when I couldn't."

His words were correct for the situation, and his voice was steady. But the hand on the back of Cally's head was hot and heavy¸ and Gaeta's eyes burned with a grieving intensity that bored through her and into her own soul. She swallowed hard.

I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have stopped him. I wish you could have stopped him, and then he'd still be here. I wish… I wish…. Her throat closed tightly around the words she desperately wanted to say, and some small part of her thought it was for the best, because those words would only hurt both of them worse. Instead, she just nodded.

They pulled fully apart from each other, and Cally sensed that Gaeta did so reluctantly. She was saved by Dee approaching and taking Gaeta's elbow, helping him to sit.

"I'll see you around," she told Gaeta awkwardly. She looked around to see if there was anyone else she should say something to, but the truth was she didn't want to. She just wanted to get out of here.

***

She found herself in the Remembrance Hallway. If something ever happens to me, can you make sure that they use that picture on the wall? The one of me and Felix? He'd asked her that right before he shot himself.

Cally hadn't brought the picture with her- it still hung in the locker waiting to be emptied. And looking at the faces of people who had died against their will, she wasn't sure she wanted to see it ever again.

***

Raptor 718 was just for transport now. It was sitting to the side of the hangar bay, dented and dinged. Cally climbed inside it, heedless of the dress she was wearing, and pulled her knees up to her chest and cried.

She was still crying when Danielle found her there, crept in and sat beside her, and wrapped her arms around her, rocking her as she sobbed. Cally leaned into her shoulder, holding on tight.

***

"Felix is finally asleep," Dee sighed, collapsing into a chair in Joe's. "Thank the Gods."

"Is he crying a lot?" Racetrack asked, a furrow of surprise between her eyebrows.

"No, that's the thing," Dee said. "Except for when it happened, I haven't seen him cry yet. I wish he would. But he just… he just stares bitterly."

Cally exchanged glances with Danielle. Danielle smiled at her encouragingly, like she thought the outburst in the Raptor had helped. The thing was, it hadn't. Cally looked down at the table. She wished she could say that it had.

Caroline sighed heavily. "That's rough on him, though. Gods, can you imagine? I mean, I get that Hoshi broke. Half this frakking ship- hell, half this frakking fleet is ready to break. But to know that you aren't enough to live for-"

"It doesn't work like that," Cally interrupted sharply, looking up. "He didn't do it to hurt Gaeta."

"I didn't say he did," Caroline retorted. "But it's got to feel that way to him anyway."

"You know it does," Dee said sourly. "Felix basically said as much in his eulogy."

Cally saw the airlock in her mind, as clear as if she was back in there. She shook her head angrily. "It's not what he meant," she insisted viciously.

"Cally…" Danielle said carefully.

Seelix cleared her throat. "The thing is," she said, "whether it hurt Gaeta or not, Gaeta was right about one thing. Hoshi should have felt like there was something else- like we could find some other sort of future."

"What sort of future?" Caroline demanded, taking a deep swallow of her drink. "Even if we find a habitable planet, the Ones, Fours, and Fives could come along and…" she made an explosion noise, expanding her hands. "Earth was the best shot we had at having a defense against that."

"They should have had another plan, rather than just some fake-"

"Earth wasn't fake! It was real!"

"Stop," Dee ordered tiredly. "Come on, guys. It's been a long few days for all of us. Let's just… can we just not talk about it?"

Seelix and Caroline glared at each other for a long moment, and Caroline relented first. "All right. Let's just drop it." Racetrack touched Seelix on the shoulder, and Danielle looked fixedly at her drink. Cally looked over at the bar, remembering the night she'd first met Hoshi there.

Do you like Galactica? she had asked him.

No. But what choice do I have? Those frakking toasters nuked everything else, and now the only thing that made this frakked up ship tolerable is gone, so… no. I can't stand it.

She could hear his voice in her head, as clearly as the day he'd spoken. And she knew she couldn't hate him for what he'd done, because if it wasn't for one of those frakking toasters, she would have done the exact same thing- just not over Earth.

***

"It's a virus," Cottle declared.

Cally bounced Nicky on her knee. -Nicky wasn't thrilled about being stripped down to his diaper and poked and prodded, but the blistered rash necessitated it. "Are you sure it's not an allergic reaction?" she asked desperately.

"To what?"

"The algae mash."

"We tested that a month ago. That rash was eczema. This time he's got the blisters. That's a viral infection. I can give you some salve for the pain, but otherwise, he's just got to ride this out."

"Frak," Cally sighed. "Sorry. It's just… my shifts and…"

"Yeah, I know," Cottle said. "But he'll be fine. If his fever spikes any higher, bring him back. You've got acetaminophen in your quarters, right?" Cally nodded. "One teaspoon every four hours to six hours. Give him liquids, keep him calm… you know the drill."

"Thank you, sir," Cally said with a sigh, wishing there had been something more that he could do. "Come on, Nicky," she said, hoisting him onto her hip. "Let's go get some sleep."

Cottle scribbled something on a pad. "Give this to Ishay," he said. "She'll get you the salve."

"Thanks." Cally accepted the prescription, and then with Nicky on her hip, worked here way through the infirmary.

She found Ishay examining Gaeta's stump. The sight turned Cally's stomach- the stump was raw and red and bleeding. She looked away hurriedly, and retreated backwards, pretending that she hadn't gotten as close as she had.

"You need to stay off it more," Ishay was admonishing Gaeta.

"I can't," Gaeta said. "If I stay off it… I can't. I need to keep busy."

"Then keep busy from a wheelchair," Ishay said firmly. She softened. "I know you're having a hard time, Felix, and I'll do what I can. But it's not just that the prosthetic doesn't fit right. It's that you shouldn't even be on a prosthetic yet."

Gaeta looked down, his lashes moving rapidly. Then he took a deep breath and looked up, steady and even. "If everything was as it should be, a lot of things would be different. We'd be on Earth, Louis would be alive, and we wouldn't have Cylons in command positions."

"Guess so." Ishay heaved a sigh. "Wait right here. I'll get you a new salve." She turned and saw Cally waiting. "Did you need something as well?"

Cally handed her the prescription, and Ishay was off with a short nod. "I'm sorry," she told Gaeta as Ishay left. "I didn't mean to intrude."

"No. It's all right," Gaeta said. He looked down at his ruined leg with a sour expression. "Not like I'm not getting used to it."

"How are you?" Cally asked, mainly to make conversation more than anything else.

Gaeta shrugged. "Can't complain," he said, and he gave the most sardonic smile Cally had ever seen. "Mainly because no one would listen if I did." He sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. I'm just not having a good day."

"No, I understand," Cally said.

"Yeah," Gaeta sighed. "You would. I meant it at the funeral, by the way. Louis talked about you a lot." He hesitated, his eyes darting back and forth to see if anyone was listening. "He told me you told him about the Chief and Tory and Tigh." Cally nodded, and Gaeta sighed again. "Frak, I wish I'd been here to help you guys out. Maybe between the three of us we could have convinced the Admiral… with enough evidence we could have made him see…. But I guess I had Cylon problems of my own."

"Sounds like it."

He looked at her sharply. "Did Louis tell you?"

"About what?"

"That it was Anders that shot me." Cally's eyes widened, and Gaeta kind of deflated. "I don't think it was because he was a Cylon," he admitted. "But still, you'd never know it from the way he's walking around, right? If I'd shot him, I'm pretty sure I'd be plotting coordinates from the brig."

Cally struggled to be fair. "They let you out after you stabbed Baltar."

Gaeta snorted. "That was Baltar," he said with no small amount of disdain, and Cally had to admit he had a point. "Besides, they needed me for the trial. Or they needed my credibility," he corrected.

Cally was about to say something when Ishay returned. She pressed a small tube into Cally's hand. "Put this on the blisters," she instructed. "It should help. If he has any sort of adverse reaction or the rash gets worse, come back immediately." Cally nodded, and Ishay handed Gaeta the jar she was holding. "You get this, but you're also about to get a long lecture on the needs of a recent amputee. Specialist, unless you have a good twenty minutes to listen to us argue, you might want to leave." Despite the firmness in Ishay's tone, her eyes were warm.

"Yes, sir," Cally agreed, and then patted Gaeta on the shoulder. "Take care of yourself," she told him. "Come on, Nicky. Let's go get you sorted out."

She left the infirmary, soothing Nicky. But her conversation with Gaeta bothered her, not because she didn't believe him about Anders and brig times, but because even though she didn't want to… she did.

***

"Cally. Can I get your help?"

"What's wrong?" Cally asked as Galen came striding towards her. She was finding that she had a hard time calling him Chief. It was easy with Laird, but Chief as applied to Galen was a whole different person in Cally's mind. It was hard to remember those days when he'd been something of a mentor to the younger deck crew members, and Cally really didn't want to.

"It's the jump drives on the Galactica," Galen said. "Dee said that last time we jumped she noticed a delay in the RCP relay. I want to run a diagnostic on it."

Cally looked at the Viper she was trying to repair and sighed. "Yes, sir."

"Hope it's nothing major," Galen said. "Our spare parts supply is pretty much gone."

"Same with our duct tape," Cally muttered.

He stared at her incredulously and then burst out laughing. "Come on," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder, and just for a moment it did feel like those days so long ago, before the Cylons even attacked. "Let's go see if maybe she could just use a good hard kick."

As they made their way out of the hangar deck, Brooks stopped him.

"I'm headed over to the Zephyr to fix their oxygen scrubber," he told them. "Do either of you have a spare five sixteenths hex wrench? Mine snapped last week."

Galen shook his head, but Cally put her toolbox down and rummaged through it. "Get that one back to me," she warned him darkly. "I need it."

"Will do." He saluted, and then hustled over to where the shuttle would be waiting.

"You don't think you're going to need that one?" Galen asked.

Cally smiled mischievously. "Don't tell, but I have two."

Galen affected shock. "You've been holding out on us!" He laughed a bit, but the laughter petered out and the warm feeling of closeness drifted away. Although this time, it didn't leave Cally with that burning, angry emptiness inside. The anger was still there, but it was a dull, persistent ache, and she could bear it.

Galen opened the causeway, and Cally followed him in. He flipped open a casing, and Cally knelt down beside him.

"Okay," he said. "Hook the ohmmeter up. Let's see what's wrong with our girl here."

"You can't just plug in to yourself?" Cally asked.

Galen glared at her. "You've seen me naked. Any place you can suggest where I could stick a plug?" Cally opened her mouth, and Galen held up his hand. "Don't say it," he groaned. "I set myself up for that."

"You'd think you'd learn," Cally muttered cheerfully. She cleaned the meter's connections on her jumpsuit and began to hook up.

Dee's voice came over the PA system. "Action stations, action stations. Set Condition One throughout the ship."

"Now there's some luck! Watch the relay, Cally!" Galen called, and as the jump drives began to spool up, they both stared intently at the relay.

"Jump!" Galen whispered, and Cally felt that familiar sensation twisting her stomach. She glared at the relay until her eyes burned, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

"Frak," Galen sighed. "It looked fine. Let me see that." He took the ohmmeter from her, scrolling through to look at the data. "Whatever Dualla's hearing, it's not the relay," he finally said. "I want to talk to Gaeta, see if the ship jumped all right and if we're where we're supposed to be."

"I don't know if Gaeta's on shift," Cally said. She knelt down and started testing connections, just in case. "That was Dee's voice."

"Dualla, Gaeta, whoever. Just tell me where the ship is," Galen grumbled. He strode over to the hatch and heaved it open. "I'll be right back. I need to get to a phone."

"You do that," Cally said, absorbed in her work. She barely heard the hatch close.

It felt good in here. The room was nice and cool, and it was silent. Cally systematically tested each connection, noting the results as she worked. She barely even noticed the hatch opening back up.

"Well," Galen sighed, "we're where we're supposed to be. I guess we'll just keep an eye on it." He sighed. "Thing is, these drives are only going to last so long. They've been pushed past what they were ever intended for."

Cally really, really didn't want to think of the implications of that, so she focused on packing her tools back up. "Are we done here, then?"

"Yeah. We're done." Galen sighed. Cally wondered if he was going to attempt some other conversation, something more personal, but he looked tired. Instead, he hauled himself to standing. "Nicky doing okay?" he asked her.

"He's back to normal. Doc said the virus wouldn't last long," Cally said. She shifted her toolbox awkwardly. "I think he's looking forward to seeing you tomorrow."

"Yeah? Good. Me, too." Galen opened the door and they started back to the hangar bay. "Hey, Cally? How would you feel about me taking him to Baltar's services sometime?"

"You're asking?" Cally said, although it was more a rhetorical question. She thought about it. "I don't know," she finally admitted.

"They're not like what you'd think," Galen said. He paused, cleared his throat. "You could come with me first," he suggested. "See what they're like."

"Let me think about it."

"Let you think about it? It's not a categorical no?"

"It's not a yes, either," Cally reminded him firmly. "Just give me time to think."

"All right. If you want, I can- hey. What's going on?"

The deck didn't look abnormal. Mechanics were working on birds, working at presses, trying to make parts. But there was something… Cally felt it, too. An undercurrent of worry.

"Where's Laird?" Galen demanded. He spotted him and headed over, and Cally followed. "Laird!" Galen barked. "What's going on?"

"You haven't heard?" Laird asked.

"Would I be asking if I had?" Galen said, rolling his eyes.

"We jumped."

"I knew that," Galen said, and a pit began to grow in Cally's stomach.

"I wasn't finished," Laird said. "When we jumped, Raptor 718 was in transit. They jumped, too. But they never showed up at the new coordinates."

"Frak." Galen swore hard. "That's the one with the frakked PC12N chip, isn't it?"

"Yup."

Cally's mouth was dry, but she asked the question anyway. "Who was on it?"

Laird consulted a list. "Shark and Easy of course, two Eights, and Lieutenant Gaeta. And Brooks."

"Oh, frak," Galen sighed, but Cally couldn't say a thing.

***

She went down to check that night, but the Raptor was still missing. "We checked at both sets of coordinates," Hot Dog reassured her. "But there's nothing at either one. Not a clue as to where they could be. You have any idea where they might have jumped to? Chief said something about a chip being fried?"

"The bigger the jump, the greater the chance for malfunction," Cally said.

"Oh. Frak."

"Yeah. Frak."

***

Dee slammed her fork down. "That's it," she announced to the table. "I've had it."

"Had it with what?" Caroline asked, eyeing her warily.

"It's been two days," Dee said. "Two days, and that Raptor still isn't here. And no one is out there looking!"

"We haven't got the first idea where it could be," Danielle protested. "That's the problem. How are you supposed to find a Raptor in space with no clues?"

"We could try," Dee said. She turned to face Racetrack. "Listen. If I go to the Colonel and the Admiral over this, I think I can get them to listen. Especially the Admiral. If I can get him to agree to it, will you pilot me?"

"I can do that," Racetrack said, swallowing her bite of algae. "You sure you want to do this, Dee?"

Dee's face was set. "Felix has been my best friend for years," she said. "I'm not going to let him die without a fight. He's done so much for this Fleet. We should at least try to look for him. He deserves that."

There was a silence. And then, "I'll definitely pilot," Racetrack said. She smiled mirthlessly. "After all, I seem to be good at finding things."

"I hope you can get them to listen, Dee," Seelix said.

Cally just looked at her plate.

***

"I need to you to help me take inventory," Galen informed her a few hours later.

Why me? Cally wanted to complain, looking around the deck at all the other people that Galen could order to help him. But she had to hold her tongue. "Fine, sir," she said dully.

Galen raised his eyebrows, but didn't comment. Cally heaved a sigh and picked up the clipboard that was sitting on the tool bench and followed. As they crossed the hangar bay, she saw Dee and Racetrack, suited up and climbing into Racetrack's Raptor. Something about that turned her stomach, but Galen began talking.

"The Old Man wants to know exactly what we've got in terms of spare parts," he said conversationally. "Throughout the Fleet."

"Don't we have records of that?" Cally asked.

"Yeah, but this is different." A small smile played on the edges of Galen's mouth. "The Cylons on the basestar have offered to upgrade our FTL drives."

"What?" Cally stopped in her tracks.

Galen sighed exasperatedly. "Oh, come on, Cally. You've seen the state of Galactica's drives. We were just down there the other day looking at that relay, remember?"

"And it was fine," Cally said icily.

"But something's still up with the FTL drive. You know that."

"And the solution is to ask the Cylons to fix it?" Cally was incredulous. She shook her head angrily. The other day they had been warm and friendly. Cally should have known that that was a lie, just like everything else had been.

"Well, last time I checked, I'm a Cylon myself. A fact you know all too well."

"Well, there's something I don't get," Cally heard herself saying. Galen gave her that exasperated, go-ahead sort of gesture. "If you're a Cylon, why the frak were you Resistance on New Caprica?"

"Oh, so now you're finally asking that?" Galen demanded. "After all this time?"

"Just answer the question,"" Cally snapped.

"I don't know! Okay? I've been telling everyone that from the beginning. I don't know. God," he muttered. "I thought you had gotten to the point maybe I could talk to you like a normal human being, but man, I was wrong. Let's just do this, okay?"

Everything in Cally desperately wanted to fight against Galen on this one. If she could do what she wanted, she'd throw the clipboard down and storm away, refusing to have any part of this. But that wasn't an option. "Fine," she muttered, pushing her hair back behind her ear. "Let's go, sir."

***

"Clear the deck!" It was Tigh shouting, just as Cally came on to her shift. "Everyone, clear the deck!" He glanced around, and caught a few eyes. "You, you, and you," he ordered, pointing to Vireem, Cally, and Laird. "You three stay. Everyone else, out!"

Cally refused to even glance at Vireem, but she looked over at Laird, who shrugged. The landing bay began to empty, and she saw a pair of Raptors taxiing in, one pulling the other. Her heart lifted at the sight. "She found them!" she said breathlessly.

"Excuse me?" Laird asked.

"That's 718, isn't it?" Cally almost laughed in her relief. "Dee and Racetrack went looking for it, and they found it!" She waved as Dee jumped out of Racetrack's Raptor, but Dee didn't see her.

Medics entered the hangar bay, wheeling a gurney with them. The joy she'd felt turned into a heavy, cold dread. Tigh was striding forward, and Dee had climbed into the Raptor. In minutes Dee appeared again, Gaeta's arm around her neck as she struggled to help him off the Raptor.

"Frak me," Vireem said, and for once, Cally agreed with him. Gaeta's lips were blue, and he was covered with blood. Tigh hurried forward, but a medic pushed him out of the way and they brought the gurney closer. They got Gaeta settled wheeled him to the infirmary, Dee holding Gaeta's hand.

"Why just Gaeta?" Laird asked. "Weren't there other people in the Raptor?" No one answered.

Tigh climbed up and looked into the Raptor, and pulled out hurriedly. When he turned back to them, his face was white and his mouth was working funny, and Cally had the impression he was trying to keep from vomiting.

"What's going on?" Cally asked Racetrack as she joined them.

"I don't know," Racetrack said, and she looked just as pale as Tigh, "but Gaeta said that the rest of them were dead."

Tigh came over, clearing his throat. "All right," he told them. "We've got four bodies in there, and a hell of a lot of blood and guts. It's our job to get this Raptor cleaned and functioning again, and to keep our mouths shut while we do it. We'll get the whole story out of Gaeta when he can talk."

As long as she lived, Cally would never, ever forget the first moment she stepped into that Raptor. The blood, the smell, the bodies of people she knew, killed with slashes and stabs. And a scalpel, dark and bloody, lying on the floor. She wanted nothing more than to turn around and run away and never look back. Racetrack swallowed hard, and even Vireem looked completely repulsed. The only one who seemed unaffected was Laird.

It was gruesome work. The bodies alone would have been bad enough, but the smell was overpowering in the small Raptor, and there was blood in places there shouldn't have been blood, in crevices and splattered over the ECO keyboard. The one console had shorted out, and there was blood dried into the fabric of the pilots' seats. And there was the awful moment when she found her hex wrench on the top of Brooks' bucket of tools. Several times, Cally felt the gorge rise in her throat, but she kept working, grimly determined.

The worst of it was over and she was taking apart the ECO's keyboard, trying to get the blood out from between the keys when Cottle looked into the Raptor. "Colonel," he said. "Gaeta's awake."

"Good," Tigh grunted, and then looked back at the others. "You three stay here. And no one comes on this deck yet, got it? I'll be back soon." He followed Cottle out of the Raptor.

"Frakking toaster," Vireem growled. He looked around the Raptor and tossed his rag down. "Frak this. I need to get out of this thing."

"The Colonel said don't go anywhere," Laird reminded him.

"I'm not. But I'm getting out of this Raptor."

Laird sighed. "I can't say I blame him," he said. "Looks like we're about done in here anyway." He followed.

Cally wasn't going to argue. Being stuck in close quarters with Vireem was pretty high on her list of things she didn't want to do, and she relaxed just a little as they left. She was almost done with the ECO station when something caught her eye.

She leaned forward and spotted a small piece of paper, wedged into a tight crevice. She carefully pulled it out and wiped it off. It was a photo, and the faces hit her hard. It was the photo of Hoshi and Gaeta that she'd seen in Hoshi's locker. Somehow, she just knew that this was the same copy.

"Hey," Racetrack said from the pilot's seat, noting Cally's stillness. "You all right, Cally?"

"Yeah. I just found this." Cally held it up so Racectrack could see. Racetrack hoped over the seat and into the back so she could see better.

"Frak," Racetrack said. "It must have fallen out of Gaeta's pocket when he took off his jacket to put his flight suit on." She studied the picture better. "Good picture," she said. "Hard to believe he did what he did, looking at that."

"Not really," Cally said. "Sometimes, when something like that happens… I can't explain it."

"You don't really need to."

Cally glanced at her sharply. "You ever try it?" she asked.

Racetrack snorted. "For the first year after the attacks, almost every time I got in my Raptor I hoped like hell that one of those toasters would shoot me down. Not the same thing, I guess, but yeah. It just seemed like dying would be easier than dragging myself through another day on this ship. What about you?"

"After I found out Galen was a toaster," Cally said.

That disturbed Racetrack. "I didn't know that," she said, and Cally realized why she was disturbed.

"I knew before everyone else did," she reassured her. "About Galen and Tigh and Tory. We weren't close then."

"Frak! Cally, why didn't you tell the Admiral?"

Cally shrugged. "At the time, I would have asked you if he would have believed me," she said bitterly. "Now, I guess the better question is would it matter? Now he knows they're all toasters, and they're still in their jobs."

"Yeah," Racetrack said. "Guess so."

"Henderson! Edmondson! Get out here!" they heard Tigh calling.

"Great," Racetrack muttered, but she slid out of the Raptor. Cally took one last look at the picture before she slipped it into the pocket of her jumpsuit and followed.

Tigh was waiting for them; his face set in its usual angry expression. "We got the story out of Gaeta," he began as Cally and Racetrack approached. "Seems that something went wrong with the Raptor, some technobabble about subparticles and flipped data bits. I don't know about any of that, but the Raptor jumped beyond the red line. Which would have been fine, except that there was only so much air in the Raptor. Gaeta said that one of the Eights did the calculations and began killing off the others. She was going to kill him, too, until he killed her in self-defense."

"Should have known," Vireem began. "Frakking-"

"Shut your mouth," Tigh ordered him before Vireem could so much as say another word. "If Gaeta's telling the truth, she killed another Cylon first."

"Is Gaeta telling the truth?" Laird asked, sounding more curious than anything else.

Tigh sighed heavily. "Not sure," he admitted. "But if you'd asked me before I saw this bloody mess, I would have said that the last person to kill three humans would be Felix Gaeta. It's not really in him."

"It's always the quiet ones," Laird said with a shrug, something flashing in his eyes.

"Yeah, well, the Old Man believes him," Tigh said. "You all got that? The Old Man believes that what happened in that Raptor is the Eight went crazy because of oxygen depravation and killed them all, and Gaeta stopped her. That's the official version of events, and if I hear that any of the four of you said anything different, there's gonna be hell to pay. Understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now finish up. I'm going to open the deck back up and get this place moving again."

"I am not getting back in that Raptor," Vireem said as Tigh walked away.

"No, you're going over to get started on the fuelings. Cally, finish up, will you?" Laird was already moving on, headed to a new problem. Cally wondered if the sight of that Raptor had touched him at all.

She climbed back into the Raptor, staring around again. She'd spent days inside this damned Raptor, trying to get it to work.

With an angry, sudden motion, Cally grabbed a wrench and brought it down as hard as she could on the ECO console.

"Cally!" Racetrack ducked in, blocking the wrench before Cally could swing it again. "Cally! Stop! What the frak?"

"This was my fault," Cally snarled. "This damn Raptor… it should have been junked!"

"What are you talking about?" Racetrack asked. She managed to get the wrench out of Cally's hands.

"It was my call to put this Raptor on Fleet traffic," Cally said. "I knew the PC12N chip was fried. I knew this could have happened. But I made the call, and I-"

Racetrack sighed. "Okay. You need to get out of here. You're not the one to blame for this, okay? And this is me saying this, Cally." She grabbed Cally's shoulders and made her look at her. "I just lost two friends today, okay? I'm angry as hell, and I'm not blaming you for a perfectly reasonable call. There are other ways…" Racetrack's jaw hardened. "We should have been looking for them right away. You want to blame someone? There's a better reason that we didn't find them in time and stop this from happening. Not because you put a Raptor onto Fleet traffic only status, but because we waited two frakking days to look for that Raptor in the first place! Frak it!" She let go of Cally and slammed her hand against the side of the Raptor, hard enough to make the sound ring in their ears.

"And now, it's another funeral. Do you know how sick I am of funerals? Pilots are dying left and right, being shot down and being killed because our equipment is too frakking old! And when I have to stand up there and talk about Easy and how she died, what am I gonna say? That she died because a frakking toaster killed her with a scalpel while she was trapped in a Raptor? Apparently not, because apparently, we're not gonna talk about that! We're going to play nice with the genocidal robots now, because the Admiral's best friend IS one! It's disgusting. The whole frakking thing is disgusting." She fell back, sitting on the floor, crying.

Just a week ago Cally had been in this Raptor, doing the same exact thing when Danielle had found her. She sat down beside Racetrack now, rubbing her shoulders and wishing she could remember what Danielle had said to her then. But then, whatever she'd said, it hadn't really helped. Nothing could right now.

***

It took Cally a while to even work up the guts to approach Gaeta, and then after that, it took her a while to find him. He'd already been discharged from the infirmary, and was apparently back at work. "Doesn't seem to matter that this was supposed to be a vacation for him," Ishay said when Cally asked. "I convinced Tigh to get him off the ship because with all the reminders of Louis and the little recovery he's had on that leg, but a fat lot of good that did." She looked as angry as Cally felt.

She finally found Gaeta late that night, at Joe's bar, sitting at a table by himself in a corner. She could understand why he was alone- he radiated such a dark bitterness that it was even hard for her to walk over. But she took a deep breath and did.

"Can I join you for a minute?" she asked.

"Can't stop you," he said. "Can't stop much of anything." But he used his good leg to push the other chair out for her.

Cally sat, and then had no idea what to say. So she decided just to go for broke. "I'm sorry," she said.

Gaeta blinked at her. "Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry about the Raptor. I knew that the PC12N chip was fried and…" she stopped as Gaeta's eyes narrowed, and she held her breath for a long minute. She realized that the man looking at her might look like Gaeta, but he was someone she had never met before.

It was an impression that only lasted a moment. Gaeta shook his head, and then leaned forward. "Don't feel guilty about something you can't control," he said. "You know what happens when you try to take responsibility for things you can't control? You get frakked, that's what. People use it against you, and then you get frakked." He sat back. "I'm sorry, too. You knew Brooks, right?"

"Not well. He came over from the Pegasus and…" Cally shrugged. "Speaking of Pegasus people… I found this." She took out the picture and slid it across the table to Gaeta. "You must have dropped it."

"Yeah. Thanks." The expression his face as he looked at the picture made Gaeta look very young all of a sudden, despite the gray in his hair and the dark circles under his eyes. "I keep meaning to put it on the Remembrance Hall, you know? But I keep feeling like maybe if I don't…"

"Maybe he won't really be dead?"

"Something like that," Gaeta sighed. "Gods, nothing makes sense anymore. Everything's upside down. Louis is dead, people are fighting each other on the ships, the President is nowhere to be seen, and the Cylons are the Admiral's new best friends. Or old ones." He played with his drink. "It's insane."

"Can't argue with you there," Cally agreed. "At least when I found out Galen was a Cylon, I divorced his ass."

"Thought that might be why."

Cally rubbed her forehead. "I know that he had nothing to do with New Caprica. The frakked up thing is he was the best thing about New Caprica. And he and Tigh and Anders… they were blowing up skin jobs left and right. But at the same time, he's connected to them somehow. And the fact we don't know how… that scares me." Gaeta nodded and lit two cigarettes, and then handed one to her. Cally took it gratefully. "But still… I just remember that time when I was in the detention center. I still have nightmares about that."

"Did they torture you?" Gaeta asked, looking sick.

"Not that they knew," Cally said. "But I was nursing Nicky, and I was so scared that he would die without me. Literally. He was only three months old- what the frak was he supposed to eat? And I just remember sitting there in the cell pumping with my fingers because I had to keep my milk supply going, and it frakking hurt… and then that bitch Boomer walked in and started getting all superior about how she was so happy for Galen, and how they'd talked about having children some day. And all I could think was how much she was lying, because if she was really so happy and she was really so at peace with it, she would have let me go so I could feed Galen's baby. But she didn't even ask." She snorted. "It sounds silly, but-"

"No," Gaeta said, shaking his head. "It doesn't sound silly at all." He glanced at his watch. "Listen, have you got some time? If you do, I'll buy you a drink."

"I should be buying you one," Cally said. "After everything you've been through."

Gaeta grinned. "How about this- I'll buy the first round, and you buy the second?"

"Sounds good to me." Cally managed her first real smile of the day.

"Good." Gaeta smiled back. "I have the feeling you and I have a lot to talk about."


	5. Chapter 5

The thumping of boots announced the arrival of Marines on the hangar bay. Cally paused in her examination of the port gun on Racetrack's Raptor. "What the frak?"

Racetrack leaned around the Raptor. "Got me. They're not calling action stations or anything." She studied the Marines, looking almost identical in their heavy uniforms and blank expressions. "I see Caroline in there, though. We'll get the story from her later."

The story became extremely clear, however, when another Raptor taxied into place. The hatch opened, and two armed Marines escorted a cuffed Tom Zarek out. The waiting Marines took up a guard, and they escorted him out of the bay, presumably to the brig.

Cally and Racetrack watched them pass, eyes wide. "What did he do?" Racetrack asked breathlessly. "I haven't heard anything since New Caprica."

"There was the Circle," Cally muttered, "but Hoshi said they took care of that, and that the brass knew about it." She glanced sideways at Racetrack and chose her next words carefully. "We could always ask Gaeta about it later. I'll bet he knows what's going on."

Racetrack faced Cally fully, considering her. Cally turned and met her eyes, and Racetrack smiled.

"Yeah," she said. "I'll bet he does, doesn't he?"

***

As it turned out, they didn't have to ask Gaeta anything. They found him in the rec room that night, arguing with Dee as they sat at a table, with a large audience watching.

"There's no reason for the brass to lock him up!" Gaeta was saying. "He did nothing that went against the Articles!"

"He refused an order from the Admiral! He encouraged mutiny and sedition!" Dee said passionately. "And do you know why he did it, Felix?"

"Oh, I don't know, because the people of the Hitei Kan don't want the Cylons tampering with their FTL drive, installing technology that none of us understands?"

"If I believed that was why he really did it, I might- might- agree with you. But this is Tom Zarek! This is a man who has no problem killing off any number of people for power!"

"That's not how it works! He has a vision, and while I admit-"

"A vision," Dee scoffed. She was still sitting, but she was on the edge of her chair, and her knuckles were white. "Felix, when are you going to wake up and see that not everyone is the idealist you are? Open your eyes!"

"I never said he was an idealist," Gaeta snapped. "I just don't think he's a murderer!"

"For frak's sake, he ordered your murder after New Caprica!" Dee fumed. "Remember? An airlock tube and a jury of six angry men? Is any of this ringing a bell?"

Cally had the impression that that one struck bone. Gaeta closed his eyes for a long moment and rubbed his forehead. But when he opened them, he ground out, "He did what he thought was right. Justice needed to be paid for New Caprica, for people who made that possible."

"And you didn't!" Dee fumed. "You were the inside source! You were doing everything you could to get people off of New Caprica! And all the thanks you got was a farce of a trial and a staved execution sentence!"

"And that was a risk I had to take," Gaeta said. "That's the point of being an inside source- no one knows who you are."

Dee stared at him, open mouthed. "I can't believe you," she said finally. "I don't know what's gotten into you, Felix, what could possibly make you believe that Tom Zarek is a better choice than Laura Roslin-"

"Who is doing nothing!" The fire was back in Gaeta's eyes now. "She led us to this wasteland of a planet based on what? Chamalla induced hallucinations that she claimed were prophecies? Where did her gods lead us, Dee? The nuked out, frakking Cylon homeworld! That's where we ended up! And instead of doing anything about it, or pulling out some sort of plan B, she holes up in the middle of her room and does nothing! And that's fine, okay? She's done, and that's fine! But she should step aside and let the Vice President do his job!"

"The mass murderer-"

"That she put in power when she took his place after New Caprica!" Gaeta took a deep breath and narrowed his eyes, and Cally remembered how he'd looked that night in Joe's, after the Raptor. It sent chills down her spine, and his next words proved her gut instincts right. "Or do you like it that way, Dee? Do you want the Vice President shoved aside so that your ex-husband can take over, extending the Adama aristocracy? Is this about Zarek, or is this about President Adama?"

"Why, you…" Dee finally stood. Cally didn't think she'd ever seen her so furious.

Gaeta leaned back, draping his arm over the back of his chair. "Wouldn't be the first time you've tried to pick your President, Dee. Remember? Back before-"

Dee smacked him.

The rec room went still. No one moved a muscle; no one even dared to take a deep breath.

Dee leaned in across the table. "I search across space for you, call in one of the few remaining favors I've probably got from the Old Man, and this is what you say to me?" Her voice was low and angry, and Cally found she couldn't swallow. "This is the thanks I get?"

Gaeta looked her straight in the eye. "Yes, Dee. This is the thanks you get for saving my ass."

Dee looked like she wanted to say more, but she pressed her lips together so tightly that they turned white. "Fine," she said, pulling up. "Talk to me when you have more sense, Felix. I'm leaving."

She stormed gracefully from the room, not even looking at Cally and Racetrack. A few people followed her, some of them casting disgusted looks at Gaeta.

"What was that about?" Racetrack asked angrily, taking Dee's seat.

Gaeta lit a cigarette. "Dee knows me too well," he said, and then took a deep drag. "I need her off my case for a few days."

So Gaeta wasn't just talking idly in the bar the other night. He meant the things he said about the problems in the leadership, the ineffectiveness, the disappointments that were spiraling out of control. Cally shivered.

"You aren't bringing Dee in on this?" Racetrack asked calmly.

"Frak, no."

Racetrack looked like she wanted to say more, but Gaeta's expression didn't invite conversation.

"So. Gaeta." Narcho plopped himself down in the chair next to Racetrack. He pushed the chair opposite out from him with his foot, and Cally finally sat. "I take it this lovely little bridge bunny battle was brought to us by the incarceration of our Vice President?"

"For encouraging citizens to make a peaceful protest against the Cylons boarding their ships without permission, yes," Gaeta said.

Narcho reached over and pulled a cigarette out of the box Gaeta had set on the table. "Keep talking, man, because believe me, I am all ears, and I'd really like to hear what someone who- how did Dualla put it?- tried to get everyone off New Caprica and just got a farce of a trial and a staved execution sentence? Yeah. I'm really curious to hear what you have to say about all this."

Gaeta glanced at Racetrack, and she nodded, just slightly. He leaned forward lit Narcho's cigarette. Then he glanced around at the thinned crowd. "Anyone else want one?" he held up the pack.

A few people walked away, but Cally noticed that even though not everyone lit theirs, everyone who stayed took one. She took one herself, lighting it off Racetrack's.

"All right," Gaeta said. "Let's talk."

***

"Did you take note of how many we had, Cally?" Gaeta asked when most of the crowd had dispersed for the night.

"Thirty-two by the end," Cally said.

"And did you start talking to the deck crew?" Gaeta looked exhausted, but his eyes were still burning with intensity.

"I started feeling a few out," Cally said. "I don't know how much support you've got down there. It's tough to tell."

"Right. What about the ones that came over from the Pegasus?"

"That's where you're going to have your best support," Cally admitted. "The problem is a lot of the ones that you can count on aren't exactly the kind of people you want to count on."

Gaeta sighed. "I can't be picky." He glanced over to his right. "Noel. You can help me sort out who's reliable from the Pegasus crew?"

Narcho nodded. "I can to an extent. Don't know the knuckledraggers so well."

Gaeta rubbed his forehead. "All right. What I really want to know is who's trigger happy. If we're going to do this, it's going to be with as little bloodshed as possible."

Racetrack and Narcho exchanged glances. Cally saw their skepticism, but neither of them said a word. Instead, they just nodded and began listing names, adding their own opinions. Gaeta didn't take notes, but he listened intently to every word they had to say.

Cally listened with half her mind, but she found herself drifting, watching the streams of smoke rising from the cigarettes and swirling in the ventilation stream. A part of her couldn't believe they were talking like this.

Mutiny. It was the first time she'd whispered the word, even in the recesses of her own mind.

She took another drag on her cigarette- her third of the night- to steady herself. Normally she wasn't much of a smoker, but tonight seemed like a good time to pretend.

Gaeta was leaning over, rubbing at the end of his stump like he was in pain. Cally glanced at him inquiringly, but he just shook his head. She wondered what Hoshi would do if he was here. Would he drag Gaeta's ass off to bed right now? He looked like he could use it. But of course, Hoshi wasn't here right now, because he was- she angrily stubbed out her cigarette, not wanting to continue down that line of thought.

"When are you planning on doing this?" she heard herself asking.

Gaeta made a face. "We can't wait too much longer," he said. "This is the kind of thing where we've got to strike while we can, before someone gets cold feet and changes their mind. We need the element of surprise, or we're frakked. But I want to see if we can get a little more support, first. I'm going to see what I can get tomorrow, in the mess hall. We'll go from there." He looked at his watch. "You guys need sleep," he said.

"So do you." It was Narcho that said it. He stood up. "Let's call it a night before it gets obvious, shall we?"

Cally stood up quickly. "Sounds good to me."

Gaeta nodded. "All right," he said. He looked from Narcho to Racetrack to Cally. "I don't think I need to tell you that we need to be discreet. I'll let you know when we'll meet again, all right? Until then… keep your heads down."

"Yes, sir," Narcho said, and Racetrack echoed him, saluting.

"Yes, sir," Cally said, just a beat behind them. Yes, sir. It was the proper response regardless, but it had never sounded so strange in her ears.

***

She was tired- every bone in her body was screaming for rest- but she didn't go back to the barracks. Instead, she found herself wandering to Remembrance Hall again. It was empty at this time of night, and she was free to look at the faces in peace.

Once upon a time, back in the first horrible days of the attack, she'd put a picture of her own family up here. Her father, her mother, her four brothers. They were all sitting in a cheap chain store studio, with a dark mottled background and smiles that indicated they'd all be a lot more comfortable in something besides the starched clothes and shined shoes that they were wearing. Even her father looked uncomfortable. But it was the last picture taken of all seven of them, and Cally loved it for that alone.

There was a strange clacking sound, and she drew back from the wall, looking around hurriedly until she spotted Gaeta at the far end. He took the a picture out of his pocket, stared at it for a long time, hesitated, and then put the picture back in his jacket pocket. Cally's throat closed. On the one hand, she understood why he couldn't let go, and yet… Hoshi belonged on the Wall, where people who were loved were remembered.

Gaeta caught her watching him. "I thought you were going to bed."

"I thought you were, too."

He smiled and limped down towards her. "That your family?" he asked, looking at the picture. Cally nodded. "Nice."

"Is yours up here?"

"At the other end of the hall," Gaeta said. He didn't offer to walk down and show her, and Cally didn't push. She could see where there were scratches on his neck from the fight with the Eight on the Raptor, and she looked away hurriedly. "I still haven't put Louis up," Gaeta said.

"I know," Cally said. She chewed her lip for a moment. "Do you want me to do it?"

Gaeta thought about it, then shook his head. "Not yet," he said, to Cally's relief. "I really should, I know. It's just…" he trailed off, his eyes far away. Cally thought for a minute he might break down, but he snapped out of it and changed the subject entirely.

"There's one thing I needed to ask you. Are you sure you're going to be okay with this? With Tyrol?"

Cally nodded. "I am," she said. She thought of the fury and the pain she'd felt when she'd found out he was a Cylon, and the feeling of the wrench in her hands. "I can do this."

Gaeta's eyes were boring into her. But she looked around at the faces here, all of them killed by the very… things they were now supposed to ally with, and she shivered. "I will be fine," she said, and her voice didn't tremble at all.

Gaeta didn't answer for a long moment, and then he nodded. "All right," he said. He softened, and his shoulders slumped forward. But he didn't leave.

"Where do you think you're going to put him?" Cally asked.

"What?"

"When you hang Hoshi. Where are you going to put him?"

"I don't know," Gaeta confessed. "That's part of it, I guess. I just can't seem to find the right spot. Where would you hang him?"

"Next to Jammer," Cally said immediately.

"Really? Why?"

Cally shrugged. "I don't know," she said. "There's an injustice there in both their deaths, I guess. Or maybe because I was looking at Jammer's picture when I told Hoshi about the Cylons. I don't know. Or they were the same kind of friend to me. I don't really know why."

Gaeta considered it, and then shrugged. "Good as place as any, I guess," he said. He dug in his pocket and handed her the picture. "Not right now," he said. "Do it sometime when I can't see you do it."

Cally accepted the picture gravely, not betraying any of her reluctance to do so. "All right."

Gaeta smiled once more at her, but he didn't leave. He lingered in the Hall, and it was Cally that drifted away first. As she left, she heard his voice, low and steady, reciting a list of names. People he wanted to recruit, most likely.

It wasn't until she was almost in her bunk that she realized the names Gaeta was reciting were people that were dead.

***

Cally and Racetrack were eating lunch together, sitting on the wings of a Raptor. Although this was hardly a new practice for them, Cally felt very conspicuous, like everyone knew what they were up to.

"Don't be so jumpy," Racetrack laughed breezily when Cally nearly fell off the wing when Laird came over. "He was looking for a pair of pliers, for frak's sake."

"I know," Cally said. She opened her mouth to say more when Seelix leaned against their wing.

"Wow, did you guys miss some show eating down here," she said darkly.

"Yeah?" Racetrack said. "What happened?"

"You ever seen Gaeta and Starbuck fighting?" Seelix asked. Her tone was light, but her eyes were very dark and angry. "Never seen such a catfight in all my life."

Cally nearly choked on her algae. "She didn't hit him, did she?" she asked when she could speak.

"No, but the bitch threatened to at the end," Seelix said. She folded her forearms against the wing. "Gods, she drags us all the way across space to find nothing- and I mean, nothing- we could have found the waste that Earth was from her frakking Viper, which was here on Galactica, and her husband shoots Gaeta's leg off, and she still waltzes around like she frakking owns the place. And the Admiral just backs her up! What was the point of those two months of misery except hauling that baseship back here?"

"You're preaching to the choir," Racetrack said. She leaned in. "He did quite a performance with Dee last night, too, if you missed that one."

"I heard they had some big fight," Seelix said. "I didn't know Dee was in on it."

"She's not," Racetrack said. "But I think he was trying to piss her off."

"I see." Seelix rubbed her chin. "Lot of people stuck around to hear what he had to say after Starbuck left," she said.

"Yeah," Racetrack agreed, nodding. "A lot of people did last night, too."

Seelix looked from Racetrack to Cally and back, and then lowered her voice even more. "So Dee's out. What about Caroline?"

"Don't even ask her," Racetrack warned. "Caroline will take up arms for Adama no matter what; you know that."

"Thought so," Seelix sighed. "Danielle?"

Cally thought of Danielle, and her stomach froze. Danielle wasn't a soldier- not really. She was someone that had originally been on board a Geminon cruiser, taking a break with some girlfriends. She'd enlisted after New Caprica, because she said she was tired of letting everyone else save her own ass. She was strong, she had guts, and she had more common sense than anyone gave her credit for. But Cally still couldn't think of her as a soldier. Not in this.

"I'll take care of Danielle," she said suddenly, and as the words left her mouth, she knew exactly what she was going to do.

Racetrack and Seelix both smiled at her with approval.

***

"Okay, you swear to the gods you won't tell anyone about this?" Cally begged.

"I won't!" Danielle insisted. "Tell me!"

"Swear it," Cally ordered.

Danielle rolled her eyes. "Fine. I swear it."

"To the gods."

"To the gods! Cally, what's going on?"

They were alone in the bunkroom, but Cally looked around anyway, just to be sure. Then she leaned in and lowered her voice. "Galen and I… we've been talking. And there's a counselor on another ship, one that's got some experience in helping couples work out their problems."

"A marriage counselor?" Danielle asked. Her eyes widened. "Wow," she said neutrally, "that's big."

"I know. I don't know that anything will come of it, but even if we can learn to be civil to each other, it's best for Nicky."

"Definitely," Danielle's agreement to that was swift and whole-hearted.

"The thing is Nicky," Cally said. "It's an all-day thing, and we can't take Nicky to it. I took a look at the roster, and I can take both you and Tony off it if you guys can watch Nicky for us."

"Sure, but-"

"Thanks!" Cally said, before Danielle could protest. "Just keep him in our quarters. Galen will be out all day- I know he's planning on working with the brass and the Cylons on the FTL upgrades." Cally couldn't control the face that she made when she said that, and she noticed that Danielle winced as well. "Just keep Nicky in our quarters."

"It shouldn't take two of us, though," Danielle argued. "I can handle Nicky on my own."

"I know." Cally had considered this. "But both you and Figurski deserve the day off, and besides- are you really going to complain about spending the day with him? Just… if you frak in the bed, change the sheets and don't tell me, okay?" Danielle flared red, and Cally laughed. "Seriously. It's lonely when you're in there all day alone. I know you can do it, but why should you? Take Tony with you, and whatever you do, stay in the quarters."

"All right," Danielle laughed, holding her hands up. "I get it, Cally. We'll do it."

Cally relaxed. "Thanks, Danielle. I'll owe you."

***

2200 hours. Weapons Locker 1701D

The note was on her bed, like a bad dream repeating. Cally shuddered and crumpled it in her hand.

Of all places, this was the last place on Galactica that she wanted to go.

***

"Racetrack, you're clear on the escape, right?" Gaeta asked.

"Yes, sir."

It was a small group: Racetrack, Narcho, Seelix, Conner, two Marines, and two civilians. Cally realized these were the people that Gaeta had tapped as his loyal core… and as his command unit. That didn't surprise her, because smaller gatherings attracted far less attention. What surprised her was that she was the only deckhand present.

"Gunny, we're clear in the CIC, right? You do not fire until I give the order."

"Understood, sir."

Gaeta shifted in the chair someone had dragged in for him. "It's not just keeping the bloodshed to a minimum," he said. "It's that if this is going to work, I need as little damage to the CIC as possible. The senior officers are going into custody- running the place will be hard enough without them. I don't need my guys dealing with shorts and bullet holes as well."

"Yes, sir."

"If we have to fire, I'll order it. But one thing I want absolutely, completely clear," Gaeta leaned in. "No one touches Lieutenant Dualla. She goes into the brig as fast as you can get her there, and you pick two people you trust entirely to guard her. She doesn't get a chance to make a decision, to swear loyalty to me or to Adama. You understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good." Gaeta pinched his nose. "We've got to neutralize the big threats- the ones that are the most loyal to Adama and in the biggest position to make trouble for us. Starbuck, Anders, Tigh, Tyrol, the Agathons…" he sighed heavily, addressing the other Marine. "Whoever you send after the Agathons, make sure that Hera stays with her mother."

That hit Cally like a punch in the stomach, and she stared at Gaeta in horror. "Are you planning on doing something to Hera?" she demanded. And to Nicky? was the question she couldn't even ask.

Gaeta shook his head. "No. Absolutely not. But if Hera is separated from her, Sharon will do everything she can to get her child back. If they're together, we've got a better chance of controlling her. Same goes for Helo, although he's not as much of a physical threat as Sharon is." He sighed. "I have no intention of harming Hera, Cally. Or Nicky. I promise."

Cally nodded stiffly, and Gaeta turned back to the Marine. "Also, whoever you send after the Agathons, bear in mind that Sharon is a Cylon, and she's got the strength of one, plus you have Helo. Send a larger contingent."

"Yes, sir."

"Cally. If anything happens to Laird, or if he refuses to cooperate, you are Chief. You keep those birds in the air, no matter what. Understand?"

"Yes, sir," Cally said.

"You aren't going to need to explain anything. If anyone asks- and they probably won't- it's just orders. I'm hoping there won't be any birds in play, but it may come to that. Keep as many people as you can in the dark, and just keep them focused on their job."

"Yes, sir." Something in Cally relaxed. This was something she could do. But Gaeta wasn't finished.

"We're short on hands, so I'm also going to need you to keep an eye on the weapons locker that's near the deck- 1904. Don't let anyone in unless they tell you that Louis sent them. Can you do that?"

Cally nodded mutely, her throat closing. Louis sent them. Gaeta was staring at her, his face hard, his eyes narrow, watching and weighing every bit of her reaction. She didn't want to fail him- not this time. She managed to speak.

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Connor, Seelix, Noel… stick around a little longer. Best we don't leave all at once anyway. But the rest of you… unless you have any questions, get going. We're on for tomorrow."

"Yes, sir," Cally said. She started towards the hatch. Racetrack whispered something to Seelix, who nodded, and then followed her.

"What was that all about?" Cally asked when the hatch had shut firmly behind them and the others had gone their own ways.

Racetrack looked grave. "I was just thinking," she said slowly, and there was none of her normal casual frak-em-all bitterness, "tomorrow… a lot of things are going to change. And people are probably going to die."

"Getting cold feet?" Cally asked.

"No. But I was just thinking that… well, we should get a drink. With Danielle and Caroline and Dee."

It was the closest Cally had come to crying since she'd broken down in the Raptor after Hoshi's funeral. She swallowed hard for a long moment, trying to talk. Finally, she managed a nod.

In the dim light of the corridor, she saw a tear streak down Racetrack's face.

***

"To the frakery of men!" Racetrack shouted, standing on the table.

"To the frakery of men!" the others echoed, holding up their glasses.

Racetrack put her hand over her heart. "To our Admiral, who forgot a Plan B, and our Colonel, who is a toaster."

"To the Admiral and the Colonel!" they all chorused, and drank.

"To Sam Anders," Seelix announced, holding up her drink. "Who showed me that even the most faithful can be dogs with no taste."

"To Sam Anders!"

Caroline joined in. "To Tom Zarek, who uses every opportunity he can for a lesson in civil disobedience, rather than see what's necessary for survival."

"To the Vice President!"

"To Lee Adama and Galen Tyrol," Danielle said, "who manage to treat their wives like shit and still walk around with everyone thinking they smell like roses."

"To Lee and Galen!"

"Damn, you took mine," Cally muttered. She thought for a moment. "To Gaius Baltar, who led us to New Caprica and was rewarded with a harem full of women!"

"To Gaius Baltar!"

They all looked expectantly at Dee, who didn't disappoint. "To my best friend, Felix Gaeta, who has his head so far up his own ass he can't see a damn thing straight!"

"To Felix Gaeta!"

Racetrack hiccuped, and then cleared her throat. "To these men… to these thick-headed, clunkified, idiot men. To the men who we don't toast tonight, because they currently aren't frakking up. To my co-pilot, Skulls, who's always got my back. To Laird, who's been through hell that none of us can imagine, but keeps doing his job because it's all he's got left. To Figurski, who makes Danielle smile and has the sense to appreciate he's got one of the best women in the Fleet. To Doc Cottle, who should run the world. To Billy, to Jammer, to Hoshi, who all deserved better than they got, but so do we all. To our men. To the men of this Fleet. Because without them…" Racetrack wobbled dangerously again, and put her hand on Cally's head to steady herself. "Gods know what we'd do without them. Because when I think about what life would be like without them, I imagine the Fleet being run by Laura Roslin and Helena Cain, and I don't think we'd really do much better without them. We're all frak ups, and we're all heroes. And we all pay the price. So say we all."

"So say we all!"

They were laughing then, all of them, laughing and hugging. Cally laughed until her sides hurt and tears rolled down her face, one arm around Dee and one around Caroline. She saw Racetrack hugging Danielle, Seelix on Dee's other side. There was music playing on the wireless and people were looking at the funny, but Cally kept laughing until her abdomen ached and she had to sit down. The lights whirled in her vision, and she desperately wished she could stop time right here, right now.

It hurt knowing the future, and that this was the last time they would ever all drink together.

***

The alarm went off, and Cally's eyes snapped open. She'd never really fallen asleep.

Keep the birds in the air. Just keep the birds in the air. She focused on those parts of her orders, the part she understood. The part she was used to. She could do that.

She scrubbed her face with her hands and got up to check on Nicky. Nicky was still asleep in his crib, knees tucked under him and butt in the air, his little fist under his cheek. She reached down and touched his curls gently, the sight of him tugging at her heart.

"We were crazy to have you," she whispered to him. "But I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm sorry, Nicky. I don't want to do this. But maybe… maybe we can find someplace that's safe, where we aren't going to end up right back on New Caprica, with the Cylons breathing down our necks. You deserve better than what we've been able to give you, and maybe this way, you can have it. Gods, I hope so."

She leaned over the rails and kissed him, and then went to get dressed.

***

The walkie talkie on her belt buzzed quietly, with only the occasional burst of orders and acknowledgements. Every one made her jump, just a little, and she was sure someone would catch on to what was going on. But no one seemed to notice.

She caught one of the deckhands. "Where's Laird? Or Chief?"

"Haven't seen Chief," the deckhand told her, "but Laird's probably off filing some paperwork. There was a tylium spill right before this shift."

"Right. Thanks." That made Cally's throat close. The tylium spill meant that Gaeta had gotten Zarek out of the brig and they were gone. This was really happening. But she kept walking forward, her boots sounding loud in her ears against the metal grating.

She glanced at her watch. It had to be happening soon.

She shivered.

***

The first gunshots she heard were on the hangar bay, sharp and distinct. Cally wasn't sure what they could be from- it wasn't a firefight. Not like she was expecting.

"What the frak is going on?" someone demanded.

Cally opened her eyes as wide as she could. "I have no frakking idea. But we'd better get the work going on these birds." She glanced around- still no sign of Laird. "All right!" she shouted, because no one else was taking charge. "Let's get this shift moving! Casper, French, and Liu, you're on number 812! Crispins, Garrano, and Henson! You're on 946!" She kept going down the list, her voice straining as she shouted.

Keep the birds in the air. She could do that.

In the distance, somewhere on the ship, she heard the sounds of gunfire again.

***

Her walkie talkie sprang to life at 0940 hours. Gaeta's voice, quick, hard, and official. "The CIC is ours. Galactica is ours. The CIC senior staff is in custody. Hold the ship."

Cally closed her eyes. It was almost over. The just needed to stabilize, to get everything to where it should be… and then they would be able to jump away from the Cylons, find a home, and build lives again.

But she still heard the sounds of gunfire, and it sounded like the were getting closer.

***

A scream. A loud, piercing scream that bounced off the cavernous walls of the hangar deck.

"What is it?" Cally demanded, running down the steps.

"It's Laird," Gianna told her, looking up from a corpse with a horrified expression. "He's dead."

Cally realized she'd known it all morning, and her stomach turned.

***

They had Galen. They had to have him by now. The thought came to Cally as she was doing the post-flight check on a Viper, and it stopped her cold. Galen was in that Cylon brig.

She firmly reminded herself that he was a Cylon, and she focused on her work. This was what they were fighting for- for humans and Cylons to go their separate ways.

Right.

***

More gunshots. Not on the deck though, and Cally wondered why. Were both sides being smart enough not to damage the assets here? Or was it just they hadn't gotten here yet?

The crew was coming to her with their problems and their questions. With Galen gone, Laird dead, and Figurski supposedly missing in action but really locked up in the Tyrol quarters with Danielle and Nicky (Cally prayed), she was the senior knuckledragger. She wished she knew what her crew was thinking. But there was no time for wishing. She kept moving through the hangar deck, her focus on her job.

Keep the birds in the air.

This was what she lived for right now. This was her sole purpose in life. She could do this.

***

"Cally. It's Gage. Prepare the deck; Colonial One is docking."

"Colonial One?" Cally asked, confusedly. That wasn't something Gaeta had ever mentioned. But then, Cally realized, Gaeta had never told anyone the entire way he saw this playing out.

She saw the Raptor shuttling the ship in, and when Racetrack climbed out, she almost cried out in relief. But Racetrack didn't look at her, just focused on her own job. Cally watched as she and Zarek walked out of the hangar deck together, escorted by Marines.

She didn't know why she felt so cold.

***

"How many are dead?"

"Gods know. I've heard it could be in the hundreds."

"Gaeta. Who would have thought it of Gaeta?"

"I know. I'm afraid to go up there."

"I'm afraid to go anywhere. I keep hearing the guns- and did you hear that explosion?"

They were whispering. Cally ignored them all as she walked through the rows of Vipers, ready and waiting.

A deckhand was in the corner, crying. She ignored him, too.

"Clear the way!" someone new shouted.

"Take her to the infirmary!"

"Can't get there- someone's closed it off."

"Who? Our side or theirs?"

"Which is which?"

"I don't frakking know! But someone help her! She's dying!"

"Well, whose side is she on?"

"Does it matter? She's dying."

Cally closed her eyes, leaning her cheek against a Raptor. The cool metal grounded her, held her here on the safety of the deck.

"Cally. Cally! CHIEF! Get over here! We need you now!"

Her eyes flared open, and she looked at the number on the Raptor.

718.

***

"Cally." It was Gaeta's voice on the walkie-talkie.

"Yes, sir."

"I'm getting reports of activity down near you. I think they're headed for the weapons locker."

Her other job. Somehow, Cally had forgotten about that. She swallowed hard. "I'm on it, sir," she said.

"Good. I knew I could count on you."

The Raptor was still right there, burning through her skin. 718. She saw Hoshi in front of her, his mouth forming the words as he leaned against it. She closed her eyes and shook her head. "All down the line, sir," she said, her mouth dry.

"I'll be right back," she informed French. "I've got to-" Frak that, she was Chief. She didn't need to explain a damn thing.

No one was near the weapons locker, although she could hear the fighting down the hall. She entered the code Gaeta had given her quickly and slipped inside. Best to do this alone. Gods knew who on that deck she could trust.

It was quiet in here, and she took a minute to savor it. But when she heard the echo of gunfire, and she sprang back into action, searching the racks for a gun she felt comfortable with. She finally found one- small, but a bullet from a handgun did just as effective damage as a bullet from a machine gun at close range. Maybe not as extensive, but dead was dead. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and took a deep breath.

Nothing but silence. And somehow, that was worse.

***

She'd been in the locker for fifteen minutes when she heard it. A scratching, like an animal moving in the walls. Cally tightened her grip on her gun, her mouth drying out. She imagined New Caprica, and the lights that flooded the darkness and the barbed wire. She remembered the days in the prison cell, not sure if Nicky would live or die- not sure if she would live or die. She remembered Galen's anguished face, explosions and blood. She thought of her family, of her home, of the Colonies, of her old boyfriends, of her dreams of dental school and a conferences and patients and a better life than she'd grown up in. And she raised her gun.

The noise was coming from the grate.

Not a force then. Cally could handle this. She waited, because timing was everything and if they knew she was here they'd be able to run or to fight. She breathed as softly as she could, watching as the intruder wiggled the grate free and then exploded out of the vent and collapsed on the floor.

Galen.

He looked up at her, and Cally was hit by the impact of his eyes fastened on hers. For the first time since the Ionian nebula, she was seeing the man she'd married, not the Cylon that had taken his place. But Galen looked at her standing over him and closed his eyes.

"Go ahead, Cally," he said, gasping for breath. "Just shoot me now."

She remembered shooting Boomer; the gun in her hand, the hot revenge and triumph as Boomer fell, the drip of blood onto the grated floor. She'd never regretted it, and if she had it to do over again, she'd do the exact same thing. And the gun burned in her hand now. It was her job, just like keeping the birds in the air. She was a soldier, she'd chosen her side, and these were her orders. And he was a Cylon, for frak's sake. She'd nearly killed him once before.

Galen opened his eyes. "Come on, Cally. Just do it."

Her gun was shaking. She stared at it for a long moment before she realized she was shaking. Galen still just lay there, waiting for the shot, but she couldn't do it. She lowered her gun.

Galen let out a sigh accompanied by a bitter sort of smile.

"Frakked up day, isn't it?" he said. Cally nodded. "What the hell is going on?" Cally opened her mouth, but no answer came out. Galen closed his eyes again. "Guess it doesn't matter much, does it? Not right now. Where's Nicky?"

Her voice started working again, enough to say, "Home. Danielle and Figurski are watching him."

Galen's eyes snapped open. "Danielle and Figurski? You really thought about this, didn't you?"

"It was planned," Cally said.

"Who's behind it?"

"Gaeta."

"Gaeta." Galen said it with a bitterness that evoked New Caprica, and nights in their tent after unsuccessful days of trying to help his people. She remembered the way the lamps lit his face, remembered telling him to keep the volume down on his rants because he'd wake the baby. "I should have known," Galen muttered. "There's always a reckoning."

One day soon, guys like Gaeta are gonna hang. Cally shivered. He'd said it then, and he'd been wrong. Gaeta had helped save them all then, and Gaeta was trying to save them all now.

Galen laughed a little, a horribly bitter sound. "Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy."

"A self-fulfilling…?"

He wasn't thinking of the same thing she was. "God, it was back when the tylium workers went on strike. Adama wanted it over. Threatened that if I didn't end it, he'd put you up against the bulkhead and shoot you as a mutineer."

"What?" The demand was more instinct that felt.

"Never mind. So what happens now, Cally?" Galen asked.

Cally shook her head. "Get out of here," she finally said. "I can't do it, so just… get out of here. I never saw you."

"Cally."

"Just get out of here!" she shouted through gritted teeth. "Go back the way you came! Just… GO!"

The words ripped out of her, and she barely knew she was saying them. But Galen nodded and began squirming back into the vent. "Watch out for yourself," he cautioned darkly. "It's murder out there."

"You, too," Cally said.

He gave her a harried, haunted smile and disappeared, and Cally slumped down to sit on the floor. Her shoulders and her arms began to shake, and she stared helplessly around the weapons locker.

They didn't have Galen, and she couldn't believe she was glad.

***

Colonial One was still in the landing bay. Cally stared at it for a long moment, wondering what was meant to happen next, and what everyone was thinking. Was Adama still so much of a hero that the Fleet would care if he was gone? Or would they embrace Felix Gaeta as a man who didn't offer faith, but offered a plan with no promises? Probably the second, as long as he could keep the Cylons away. In time, they'd probably take to him even better. Gaeta was young, he was reasonably good looking, and the lost leg and the dead lover added up to a tale of heartbreak and dogged determination. A few good interviews with the press, and they'd follow him just as easily as they did Adama. Even more so, as Gaeta got rid of the Cylons… all of the Cylons.

Adama wasn't that important in the grand scheme of things, Cally realized. Not to the average person in the Fleet. And even Laura Roslin… although Cally wouldn't put just anyone in power after New Caprica. But Tom Zarek had always looked out for the people without power, and he'd refused to collaborate.

She was walking away, convincing herself this was all the best it could be when she heard the sound of machine guns coming from the open doors of Colonial One.

***

She ran. How she managed to avoid either side was a mystery, although later she remembered hiding behind crates and ducking into corridors. But she ran until her lungs wouldn't let her run anymore and her legs gave out, and she threw herself against the wall, slumping to the floor and sobbing.

Keep the birds in the air. She could do that. It was what those birds meant to do that she'd closed her mind to.

She fumbled in her pocket for the picture that Gaeta had given her, the one of himself and Hoshi smiling, that was meant to go on the wall. She stared at it, wiping her cheeks as she hiccuped out sobs. Hoshi hadn't been killed by Cylons. She stared at the two faces in the picture, rage mounting in her until she closed her eyes and let out a scream of frustration, anger, and anguish, her fists clenched by her sides.

The scream helped, and she managed to struggle to her feet, stuffing the picture back into her pocket. That was when she heard the bootsteps. They were even, people walking in formation, and there was no gunfire. Cally took a deep breath and crept to the end of the corridor, cautiously peeping out. It was a delegation of Marines, led by Narcho, and they had Admiral Adama. Cally hurriedly ducked back into the Remembrance Hall. She stood frozen for long moments.

Her walkie talkie buzzed into life. She stared at it for a long moment, then took it from her belt and threw it at the wall as hard as she could. It hit with a metallic thud and fell to the floor, a piece coming loose and skittering away. The knuckledragger in her couldn't bear to see a broken piece of equipment broken, and she bent down to pick it up.

When she looked up, the barrel of a gun was in her face.

"Where are they?" Lee Adama demanded from behind her. Cally swallowed hard and looked up the barrel of the gun.

Caroline stared back at her.

"You've got one chance," Caroline growled at her. "Tell us where they took Adama, or so help me, I will shoot you."

The funny thing was, the gun wasn't what affected her. Cally looked up, looked at the wall. All those people, all those lives gone because of the Cylons. It wasn't right. But Jammer smiled down at her from the wall, and she felt Hoshi's picture in her pocket, and this wasn't right either.

"The launch tubes," she said. "They're probably taking Adama to the launch tubes."

Caroline grabbed her by the bicep and hauled her to her feet. "Take us there," she ordered. She glanced at Apollo, and Cally realized that Tigh was standing there as well. Tigh nodded approval at Caroline, and Cally took a deep breath.

"All right," she said. "Let's go."

***

He'd put you up against the bulkhead and shoot you as a mutineer. Those words rang in Cally's mind when they made their way into the launch tube. She didn't doubt Galen. Not in the least. So why did the sight of Adama tied to a chair facing a firing squad make her sick?

She saw it on the Narcho's face, too, and when their eyes met, she knew that although they'd lost, he didn't hate her for it.

***

"Take her to the holding cell," Adama ordered Caroline. "We'll sort her out later. And while you're there, release Lieutenant Dualla. I'm getting my ship back."

"Yes, sir," Caroline said, saluting. She trained her gun on Cally. "Come on." Cally obeyed.

They walked in silence. Cally could feel the anger radiating off Caroline. She kept her eyes focused firmly in front of her, like a child in deep shit with her mother.

They were outside the holding cell when Caroline exploded. "No one's happy about the frakking alliance, Cally! Are you willing to kill over it? Are you willing to die over it?"

"I thought I was," Cally said. She stared wistfully at the closed hatch. "Guess I'm going to." She couldn't quite conceive of that yet, that she was going to die for this.

"You're not going to," Caroline said angrily. "You probably deserve to, but if the Admiral wanted you dead, you and Narcho would both be dead now. This frakking mutiny was too widespread. I can't believe…" she clamped down on the rest of her words and angrily punched in the code. The hatch opened.

Two Marines met them, guns in their faces. Caroline met them evenly. "Back down," she ordered them. "The Admiral is on his way to the CIC."

One of them faltered, but the other only firmed up his grip on his gun. Cally found her breath not coming, and then they were all deafened by the shot. The Marine fell back, clutching his shoulder. Caroline lifted her chin.

"Stand down," she ordered them again. Both Marines put their guns in the air. "Open the cell," Caroline ordered the one who had faltered. Behind the bars, Dee was waiting, standing with her arms crossed. "You okay, Lieutenant?" Caroline asked.

"I'm not hurt," Dee snapped out. "Where's Gaeta?"

"CIC, probably," Caroline said. She paused. "Lee's on the ship as well. He headed for the CIC."

"Let's get there," Dee ordered.

Caroline took the keys off the desk and unlocked the holding cell. "Get in there," she ordered the Marines.

"But he's been… you shot him!" the first Marine protested.

"In the shoulder. I'll send a medical team down. Now get in there!" The Marine knelt down to help his companion, and they staggered into the cell.

Neither Dee nor Caroline looked at Cally as she entered the cell herself. The door slammed shut on them, and Dee looked at Caroline. "You got another gun?"

Caroline freed one from her belt. "Here you go, LT."

"Good. Let's go."

They left. Cally took a deep, shaking breath, and then looked at the Marines.

"Let's see what we can do to get the bleeding stopped," she said, and her voice sounded steadier than she ever would have believed.

***

The medics came down fairly quickly. Cally wasn't surprised. Caroline had made her position on people dying pretty clear.

They left behind a bloodstain on the blanket and an echoing silence. Cally wondered why no one else was being put in here as well, and the silence of the empty holding cell echoed. She couldn't hear the guns anymore, except in her own mind.

She sat down on the cot, wondering about Nicky. She'd been afraid to even think of him all day, afraid of what could happen. Now that everything was over, she desperately wanted him in her arms, just to reassure herself that he was safe. But she knew better than to ask… not that anyone was in here to ask, anyway.

In the silence, she heard her own ragged breathing and her own heartbeat.

***

Her watch said it was well after 2000 hours when the hatch opened, and Adama strode in. He looked tired and angry, and Cally shrank back against the wall. Colonel Tigh was at his side, and Cally found herself staring more at him. At least Tigh had always looked angry- even before this.

"I understand you were one of the ringleaders," Adama said, with no preamble. Cally sensed that honesty would serve her a lot better right now than trying to deny it, and nodded. Adama rubbed his face with a heavy sigh. "But I also understand that you helped save my life."

"I… I guess, sir," Cally said.

"Why?"

"Excuse me?"

"What changed your mind?"

"Sir, I still think we should be fighting the Cylons, not taking help from them," Cally said, not looking at Tigh. "But I don't want us to be fighting each other."

"What did you think was going to happen when you start talking mutiny?" Tigh demanded.

Cally just shrugged.

Adam rubbed his forehead again. "Cool your heels here tonight," he ordered. "We'll figure you out when we get the chance."

"Yes, sir." Cally swallowed hard. "What's going to happen to… to everyone, sir?"

"Can't kill the lot of you," Tigh growled. "Even though that's what we would have done before the Colonies fell. The Astral Queen's got plenty of space."

Cally nodded. "And Gaeta?"

There was no answer, and that was answer enough.

***

Cally didn't mind the fact that she was alone tonight. She lay on the cot, tired despite herself, staring at the ceiling. She had almost drifted off when the hatch opened.

"You okay?"

It was Galen. Cally closed her eyes. "I'm fine. Is it over?"

"Is what over? The mutiny? Yeah, it's over."

"Gaeta?"

There was a long silence. "He's dead," Galen finally said.

"One of these days," Cally parroted softly, "guys like Gaeta are gonna hang. And you and me, we're gonna be there, tying the knots tight."

"Cally-"

"You said it often enough on New Caprica."

"When I thought Gaeta was a collaborator!"

Cally sat up. "And what Adama doing now?" she demanded.

"I don't care what the frak Adama's doing now!" Galen shouted. "I just… Cally, how the frak did you manage to get yourself mixed up in this? Did Gaeta threaten you?"

Cally snorted. "Hardly. I've killed Cylons before."

"I know," Galen said sourly. "But still… going against Adama… it's not like you, Cally."

"It doesn't matter," Cally said, sitting back against the wall. "I was wrong."

"Yeah. You were."

She looked away. "How's Nicky?" she asked.

Galen sighed. "He's okay," he said. "Upset, but okay. He's asleep."

Cally exhaled. "Good."

"So what happens now?" Galen asked.

Cally shrugged. "Don't know," she said. "You're the one outside the bars."

"What do you want to happen now?"

"I don't know." She sighed tiredly. "I really don't know. I just… I don't want to fight anymore."

"With me?"

"With anyone. It doesn't do any good. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't…" there were tears suddenly blurring her eyes. "It doesn't bring them back."

"Bring who back?"

"My family. My brothers. Jammer. Sonicus. Tarn. Hoshi. Any of them. I can't stand to look at any of them, but them dying? Us dying? It doesn't change a damned thing."

Galen leaned against the bars. "Is that why Gaeta did it?"

Cally shrugged. "He wanted to change everything. That's what we all want, I guess."

"Yeah. We do."

She closed her eyes. "I'm tired, and you should get back to Nicky."

"All right." She imagined he was watching her with that worried expression he used to get. "I'll see you… soon."

She didn't know the answer to that.

***

It was early morning when the cell opened. "Crewman Henderson."

Cally jerked to her feet, noticing the rank immediately. Tigh was standing in front of the bars, holding a sheaf of papers. "Sir."

"It's almost time for your shift."

"Yes, sir."

Tigh eyed her, measuring her with his gaze. "You are hereby demoted to crewman, you have extra shifts in sewage for the next six months, and you can consider yourself on probation. You set one foot out of line…"

"Yes, sir," Cally said.

"Oh, and the Admiral put this through. With your recent… activity… there was no problem with proving grounds." He handed her the papers. "Now get out of here before I change my mind."

"Yes, sir." Cally obeyed, clutching the papers. She headed straight for the deck, but on the way, she stopped to see what the papers were.

No wonder Tigh had called her Henderson. The divorce was approved.

***

They all fell silent when Galen called her name at roll call. She felt it, everyone's eyes on her. They hated her, one of the people who'd brought about the deaths of too many people. She couldn't look anyone in the eye.

She worked in silence, scrubbing the floor, cleaning the tools, prying gunk out of old parts. The afternoon was spent with a temperamental Viper. The truth was, Galen didn't change her duties much, because he couldn't. She might not have her rank, but she had her experience.

No one talked about it. She noticed it. The deck should be brimming with stories and gossip, angry recounts and grief. But it was quiet. The conversations were muted, the subjects were mainly the work at hand. The names Gaeta and Zarek were avoided. Like if they didn't speak of them, it hadn't happened.

That was the worst. Cally could deal with anger. She could deal with hate. She understood those. But pretending it had never happened… it meant everything- all the sacrifice, all the death- it was for nothing. And the people who had followed Gaeta had followed him for a reason. Not just because Earth was a wasteland, but because they thought Gaeta was right. And none of that mattered.

But it should. She didn't expect Gaeta's goals to be met, but just that someone would question. That someone would ask what made people like Gaeta, like Racetrack, like her snap and feel like this was their only recourse. But no one was asking, and soon, it would be forgotten.

***

Cally had made a lot of promises in her life. Some she had kept, some she had broken. Some were easy and some were hard. A lot ended up somewhere in the middle. She wasn't sure where this one fell, except that she knew it was one she needed to keep.

The Remembrance Hall was crowded today, people hanging pictures of those that died the day before. Cally walked silently, the picture clenched in her hand. She was only vaguely aware that there were people watching her, and they weren't happy.

Well, frak them.

She stopped in front of the wall and looked at the picture again. Two men, two smiles, two more names to a list that would soon be forgotten. Cally stared at the picture until her eyes blurred, and then found Jammer. With her chin held high and tears streaming down her face, she pinned the picture to the wall. And as she stepped back to look at it, she remembered Racetrack's toast from just two nights ago.

We're all frak ups, and we're all heroes. And we all pay the price.

With that as her benediction, Cally turned around and left the hall.


	6. Chapter 6

There was a funeral for Felix Gaeta.

Gaius Baltar, of all people, organized it almost a week after the executions. Cally had heard rumors that there had been a funeral for Zarek over on the Astral Queen, but if there was any truth to that, it hadn't gotten any coverage in the Fleet News. She believed it, though, and she'd wished she had the guts to arrange one for Gaeta. She never thought she'd be grateful to Gaius Baltar, but she was.

The funeral was small, and held down in the room that Baltar's cult worshiped in. Cally had never been down here before, and she looked around curiously. It was surprisingly plain, defying the rumors she'd heard of altars, sumptuous hangings, and thick carpets. Baltar was sitting in a chair, talking quietly to one of his followers. There was a Colonial flag laid over the altar, like there had been at Hoshi's funeral, although this one was worn and threadbare.

Cally looked around guiltily as she stepped in. She saw Dee first, and Dee snapped around to face front, away from Cally. She whispered something to Helo who was sitting beside her, and Helo gripped her arm, obviously urging her to stay seated. Athena wasn't there, and the chair on the other side of Helo was open. Cally didn't sit in it.

There were people who should have been there. Narcho, Racetrack, Seelix… they were all over on the Astral Queen, sitting in cells. There were other people that should have been there, too, people who had loved Gaeta, but had been long gone when he died. Cally wondered if she could find that picture of his family on the Wall, if she would recognize them if she looked. She wasn't sure she wanted to.

She took a seat in the last row, trying not to make a sound as she sat on the metal chair, and bowed her head. She wasn't sure she wanted to see how few people came.

There were footsteps behind her, but they didn't pass her. Whoever had come in had chosen to stand in the back. Two people, she realized, when she heard a whisper.

Baltar stood, and then hesitated. Cally glanced up as one more person slipped into the room and sat down beside her. She looked, trying not to turn her head, and was surprised to see Hot Dog. He flashed her a brief smile and then bowed his head, his fingers laced together as his elbows rested on his knees. He seemed anxious and wary, but he also seemed sincere.

Baltar looked pointedly at the door, as if waiting for any other stragglers, and then finally, the funeral began.

***

Cally wanted to hear the words, but they washed over her. Flowery phrases, like Baltar had always given so freely. That's what Baltar had been best at, at least in public. She hated him for it.

But when he knelt before them and prayed to his God, he cried. And that she understood.

***

The service ended with music. It was just an instrumental track, no voice, played on a wireless. The lack of vocals was not subtle, but it was effective. The music faded away and Baltar turned it off with a click. Silence echoed through the room, broken only by one of the people behind her clearing his throat.

Cally knew that sound anywhere. Galen was standing behind her. Her shoulders stiffened.

Next to her, Hot Dog whispered something that sounded like a prayer. It didn't help. Cally's nerves were stretched so tightly she was afraid she would scream. She bit her lip, staring at the floor.

Chairs scratched as people stood, and she felt more than saw Dee and Helo walk by her, in step together. Helo murmured something to the people behind her, and Cally heard the gruff voice of Colonel Tigh in response. They left, and after a moment, Galen and the Colonel did, too. Cally relaxed a little.

"Frakkers," she heard herself saying.

Next to her, Hot Dog raised an eyebrow. "They weren't here for that."

"Excuse me?" Cally said, surprised.

"They weren't here to keep everyone in line," Hot Dog explained.

"How do you know that?"

Hot Dog shrugged. "I don't. I just like to think it."

Cally glared at him. "Why are you here? Did you know Gaeta well?"

"I knew him some. We were on the Demetrius together, and he'd been tactical longer than I've been a pilot."

"You weren't friends, then," Cally said dully.

"I liked him," Hot Dog said with a shrug. Not a surprise- it was Cally's impression that Hot Dog liked everyone, in a good-natured, little brother sort of way.

"If that's all it was, why did you come? When he did what he did?"

Hot Dog rubbed his chin. "Because before he did what he did, we were on the Demetrius together and he'd been tactical longer than I've been a pilot. Can't say I understand why he mutinied, but it doesn't change everything he did before that. Just like Baltar said." Hot Dog stood up. "Bet that's why the Colonel came down himself, instead of sending Marines or something. See you later, Cally."

Cally watched him go, but for some reason she sat on, unable to move out of her chair. She was so lost in thought that she barely even noticed Baltar coming over to sit by her. He didn't sit next to her; rather, he sat two chairs down.

"I'm glad you came," he said softly, startling Cally out of her thoughts. "Thank you."

"I didn't come here for you," Cally informed him.

"I never entertained the notion that you did," Baltar said. "But no matter what happened between us, Felix was the best friend I've had since the Cylons attacked. He deserved to be honored."

Baltar had a way of looking piteous, with big sincere eyes that melted the heart. Cally didn't want to look at him and see that. "I wasn't close to him," she admitted, staring straight ahead at the folded flag that hadn't been presented to anyone. "I was closer to Hoshi."

"What was he like?" Baltar asked.

"Gaeta?" Cally asked incredulously.

"No. Mr. Hoshi." Unwillingly, Cally turned to look at Baltar, and to her mild surprise, he looked like he was crying. "I never knew him."

"He was kind," Cally heard herself saying. "Gentle, but he could be… he was a soldier." She shook her head. "He was kind," she repeated.

"Did he love Felix?"

"Yes."

Baltar smiled. "You have no idea of how inexpressibly good it is to hear that," he said. "I know it can never make up for my own sins, but to know that God extended His hand in some way-"

"God didn't extend his hand," Cally cut Baltar off. "Hoshi did."

Baltar's smile turned patronizing. "And who prompted that?"

Aphrodite would have been Cally's response under normal circumstances. It wasn't that she couldn't see what Baltar was saying… it was that Baltar was saying it. She shook her head and stood up.

"I should go. I-"

"There's no reason to hurry away," Baltar said.

Cally pulled herself up. "I have no desire to join your… your cult," she said, gesturing around the empty room.

"I never labored under the illusion that you did," Baltar said. That stopped Cally, because for Gaius Baltar to admit that he wasn't wanted by someone in any capacity… Cally didn't know him well, but she knew that was unusual. He looked back up at the altar. "I don't know how we managed to save that flag. It was the one that we flew on Founder's Day, you know. On New Caprica."

"Really?" That caught Cally off-guard.

Baltar sighed. "I know that New Caprica was a disaster," he said. "I know that it brought grief for a lot of people, that it was a time of suffering and of pain. But before everything went wrong… I think he might have been happy there. Is that so impossible, to believe that someone might have been happy on New Caprica?"

Cally closed her eyes and bowed her head. "No," she whispered.

Baltar leaned forward and took her hand. A part of Cally wanted to pull away, but at the same time, she couldn't. This wasn't what she expected. "You and me, Galen and Felix… we've all got quite a bit in common, don't we? Quite a history? It amazes me, how God can constantly put us in each others' paths, use us for His purposes. And yet, He does. I remember you, begging me to save Galen, convinced he wasn't a Cylon. Blackmailing me, if I recall correctly." Baltar chuckled, and Cally couldn't help but look at him now. His hand was still on hers, but only lightly, and he was regarding her with a sort of affection. "And now, here we are."

"Here we are."

"At the end of the world, there isn't much we can offer each other," Baltar said. "In fact, after Earth, I thought there was nothing. Bitterness, pain, anger… our fathers have turned their backs on us, and left us floundering. But there is one thing left, one powerful, meaningful gift. Forgiveness."

"Forgiveness?" Cally nearly spit out the word. "Like, let it all go back to what it was forgiveness? Say you're sorry and I can love you again forgiveness? None of it matters, let's forget it all and just forgive each other?"

Baltar shook his head and laid his other hand over Cally's, turning towards her earnestly. "That's not forgiveness, Cally," he said, and his eyes burned. "Forgiveness- real forgiveness- is when we have every reason to hate and despise each other. It's when we've hurt each other in unforgivable ways, and yet… we can still wish each other well. It is a gift, Cally, a true gift, to give that forgiveness."

"And you're saying I should forgive you," Cally said dryly, "for New Caprica."

"No." Baltar smiled sadly. "I'm saying that the greatest gift I ever received was the night before Felix died, when he sat with me and he forgave me for everything. I'm not trying to coerce anything from you. I'm just telling you, because it's all I have left to share."

Something in her was waving wildly, like a reed in the wind, threatening to break. Cally looked down so Baltar wouldn't see how close she was to crying. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"That's entirely up to you," Baltar said.

***

That night she rocked Nicky as he cuddled against her shoulder. His skin was damp where his hair curled on his neck, and his hands clutched her shirt. The room was silent except for his snuffling and her soft whispers.

She hadn't spoken to Galen- really spoken to him- since he'd found her in the brig. Tonight, she wondered what she'd say if he was here.

***

"Watch out! He's coming in hot!"

The Viper bounced against the floor, skidding and showering the side of the landing bay with sparks. Cally's heart was in her throat, even as she was sprinting over before she was called, grabbing tools as she ran. "Who is it?" someone asked.

"Hot Dog," was the answer.

"Frak."

The Viper skidded across the bay, crashing against the wall. The wing was severely damaged, blackened and part of it torn away. All around them, other Vipers were landing as well. Cally braced automatically and felt the jump as Galactica got away.

"How is he?" Starbuck was out of her Viper, hovering over their shoulders.

"Get back and let us work," Galen growled. He didn't even glance around. "Cally! You here?"

"I'm here, Chief," she said.

"Get the-"

"I've already got it," she said, pushing the cutters into his hands and putting the goggles onto his head.

He spared two seconds for a look back at her, and then began to cut into the Viper's frame as Cally wired the pump as fast as he could. "Get ready to pull it back," he said as she hoisted herself up onto the good wing. "It looks like it's just the wing, but we'd better be ready for an electrical malfunction."

Cally nodded and held her breath, and gripped the wing. Inside, she could see Hot Dog. His eyes were closed and he was definitely out, but there was something about his face…

"Get a medic!" someone was calling, but Cally barely heard it. Instead, she watched Chief for his signal.

"All right, Cally," he said. "Pull!"

There was the creaking of bending metal, and Cally pulled as hard as she could. "All right," Galen gasped. "Can you squirm in there and hit the release?"

Cally nodded and pulled herself up and over into the cockpit. As she did, she noticed the burns on Hot Dog's arm, and the blood trickling down his Viper suit. She hit the button, but the harness didn't release. "Hand me a knife or something," she shouted. One was slapped into her hand, and she sawed furiously through the straps. Then she pulled herself out, jumping away so the medics could get in.

"Is he alive?" Galen asked anxiously.

Cally nodded. "I think so. Blood was flowing."

Galen grabbed her arm and pulled her back as the medics eased Hot Dog out of the cockpit and onto a stretcher. Cally watched, heart in her throat. "Frak," she said, as they tore into the suit and hooked an IV right into his arm. She turned away and looked at the Viper, but it didn't really help to ease the feeling in her stomach.

Galen nodded. The medics wheeled Hot Dog away, and he clapped his hands. "All right, people. Let's get this deck back in shape!" Cally started away, but Galen caught her. "Help me with this one?"

"Yes, sir," Cally said.

"We're gonna have to scrap it," Galen said with a sigh. "Let's sort out what we can use and what we can't."

Cally nodded. It was a job that would take hours, but it was far better than sweeping corridors or shoveling sewage. Like she had a choice anyway. She went to get her tools.

***

"Hot Dog's out of surgery," she heard Starbuck tell Galen. She didn't look at Cally at all. "Cottle thinks he'll be okay."

"How long is he going to be down?" Galen asked.

"Doc's not sure. He'll have a better idea in a few days. But I'd say you've got a while before you need to get him into another Viper." Starbuck tried to sound casual, but the worry was clear on her face. Cally pressed her lips together and looked away, carefully trying to pull out the communications console.

"How's it going?" Galen asked her, sliding down beside her.

"All right," Cally said. She glanced at her watch. "I need to report to sewage in twenty minutes, though."

"No, you don't. I told Tigh I need you down here. You're covered there, and working a double here."

"Yes, sir." Cally wiped her hair off her face, leaving a streak of grease. She sighed, and then went back to the communications console. The wiring was tricky under the best of circumstances, and having it all fused together only made it near-impossible.

"I saw you at the funeral the other day," Galen said suddenly.

"Which funeral?" Cally muttered, but she knew. For all that it felt like funerals were a regular occurrence, there was only one that Galen had meant.

"You were talking to Baltar for a long time," Galen said.

Cally glanced up at him. "That a problem, sir?"

"I wasn't following you," Galen said, in answer to the unspoken accusation. "I was actually waiting for Baltar."

"Oh."

"What did you think?"

"What did I think?" Cally repeated.

"You know I want to take Nicky to one of Baltar's services."

"Oh." She sighed. "Do I even have a say anymore, after the mutiny?"

Galen's face hardened a bit. "You might not have rank anymore, but you're still Nicky's mother. That doesn't change, Cally, and you know it."

She did. But the truth was she was tired. She waved her hand. "Fine," she conceded. "Take him."

"Cally-"

"I'm serious, Galen. Take him. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to…" she stared down at the wires until they blurred in her sight. "I just want to fix this."

Galen was silent for a long time. "Yeah," he finally said. "Same here."

***

It was extremely late when Cally got off duty, and yet she found herself creeping down to the infirmary anyway. The corridors were quiet, and the lights were low in the actual sickbay itself. Fortunately, no one seemed to be guarding the door, although Cally had the distinct impression that her presence was noticed here.

She heard a low, soft laugh and moved over quietly. Layne Ishay was sitting beside Hot Dog's bed, worry on her face, even as she smiled. She looked exhausted, and Hot Dog's right side was covered with bandages. A machine beeped, and an IV bag glistened in the light.

"So the bank manager looked into the bag. 'What is it?' Paddywack asked. 'It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan!'"

Ishay laughed. "That's absolutely terrible," she told Hot Dog. She glanced at her watch. "We've got two more hours before you can have- oh. Cally."

Ishay, Cally noticed, was the first person who didn't scowl at her. Cally relaxed a little. "I just wanted to drop by and see how Hot Dog was doing," she said. "But if you're busy-"

Ishay looked at Hot Dog and he tried to shake his head. "Not busy. You can stay," he said.

"Although I'll warn you, he's trying to distract himself by telling me every joke he can remember," Ishay said. She looked drawn and tired. Cally found herself smiling.

"If you want, I can stay with him and he can tell me the repertoire," Cally offered.

Ishay looked at Hot Dog, and he nodded. "That works," he said. He shifted, grimacing in pain. "You've got two hours," he warned Ishay.

"One hour and fifty-five minutes," Ishay said, smiling. "Buzz if you need anything, or if Cally needs to go." With that, Ishay ducked out of the cubicle.

Cally sat down in the deserted chair. "Jokes, huh?" she asked.

"Yeah. Ishay says two more hours before I can have more morpha." Hot Dog grimaced. "Thanks for coming down, by the way."

"I wanted to see how you were doing," Cally said lamely.

"Yeah. They told me you and Chief pulled me out. So thanks for that."

"You're welcome." Cally supposed she'd come over with the notion of saying something more, something about how Hot Dog was one of the few that had had something decent to say to her since the mutiny. But as she watched him trying to pretend he wasn't in pain, she decided not to say any of it.

For the next two hours, she listened to Hot Dog tell joke after joke. Over half of them were dirty, two thirds of them were bad, and all of them were told through gritted teeth and increasing pain. At one point, he grabbed her hand, and he didn't let go for the last half-hour. Cally hadn't intended to stay this long, but after seeing what he was going through, there was no way she could leave.

Finally, Ishay entered the cubicle with a small syringe and injected it into the IV. It took another two minutes, tops, for Hot Dog to pass out.

"He'll be out for a while," Ishay said kindly. "You might want to go get some sleep, Specialist."

"It's crewman," Cally said with a wry smirk, standing up and stretching. "Didn't you hear?"

"I heard. And as far as I'm concerned, it's still Specialist, at least when it's you and me." Ishay raised an eyebrow, and Cally wondered just how much she'd been in on the mutiny herself. She wondered if Ishay knew that she'd betrayed the mutiny as well. She rubbed her forehead.

"Will Hot Dog be okay?" she asked.

Ishay sighed, looking at the pilot's inert form. "I hope so," she said. "He's not going to die from the injuries, but there's still a very serious risk of infection. Are you two close?"

Cally shook her head. "Not at all. I just was there when his Viper landed, and…" she shrugged.

"Well, it was good of you to come by. No one else has really visited. Not for long, anyway." Ishay made a face. "I guess most of his friends are dead. I guess most of everyone's friends are dead," she added.

"Yeah," Cally agreed. "Guess so."

***

It was Kat that was heavy on Cally's mind the next day as she stood in the door of the mess hall. Kat, chasing Hot Dog through the hangar deck and knocking over a bucket of tools, laughing as Galen shouted at them to get their asses back and clean it up.

She took a deep breath, and walked over to where Dee was sitting, eating alone.

"Can I join you?"

Dee looked up, and narrowed her eyes, and for a long moment Cally thought she was going to tell her to frak off. But she shrugged and went back to her food. "Can't stop you," she said.

"Thanks," Cally said, sitting. She breathed deeply, focusing on her food.

Dee stabbed at her algae. She seemed restless, and Cally tried to form the words she wanted to say. But her mouth was dry, and she couldn't swallow.

"You know what he told me?" Dee demanded, in for her what was an outburst. Cally looked up. Dee was staring fixedly down at her plate. "He told me that if people are upset, they should go through the proper channels. Can you image? He said that."

Cally forced the bite of algae down her throat. "He also played the inside man on New Caprica. I guess he learned there aren't always proper channels that are going to listen."

"He learned," Dee scoffed. "That's always been the problem. Long before the Cylons attacked. I'm not talking about Galactica. I'm talking about everything. And he never saw it. Never."

"Dee, I-"

"He protected me," Dee continued angrily. She glared at Cally. "What? You don't think I figured out that was what he was doing? I figured it out. If I'd tried to fight him, he would have had to kill me, and if I'd been his XO, Adama would have had to kill me. Of course, that didn't stop him from basically killing himself."

"I-"

"I understand why you did it, you know," Dee said. "I understand about Racetrack and Diana, too. But I don't understand why he did it. I don't understand why he…" she broke off, looking down at her plate, and it occurred to Cally that Dee had been sitting alone when she'd walked in. Dee might not have been in on the mutiny, but she and Felix had been so close, and surely people were wondering and angry….

She laid her fork down, trying to think of what to possibly say. Dee was still staring at her dishes, blinking rapidly. Cally reached out and took her hand. Dee's hand was cold in hers, but she didn't move it away.

"We could get out of here," Cally suggested softly.

"Where would we go?" Dee asked.

"The Memorial Hallway?" Cally said. "We could grieve them together."

Dee wiped at her eyes discreetly, and then took a deep breath and nodded. "Let's go," she sagreed.

***

"You know what the frak pisses me off the most?"

It was as if now that Cally and Dee were seen together, Danielle could see her. The words exploded out of Danielle as soon as they were relatively alone, trying to repair a toilet main.

"What pisses you off the most?" Cally asked, half dutifully and half cringing in anticipation of her response.

"You lied to me about Galen," Danielle informed her, angrily turning off the water with a twist of her wrench. "You had me thinking that the two of you were going for marital counseling. Marital counseling."

"Do you really think that Galen and I are ever going to be married again?" Cally asked.

"I thought you were going to work things out for Nicky. That even if you couldn't live together- which who am I to pass judgment on that?- you were going to at least be civil to each other. I thought you gave a shit about what Nicky needs, and Nicky needs both of you."

"Nicky has both of us," Cally said stiffly. "Do you need the snake?"

"Not yet. And he doesn't. He's got you and he's got Chief pretending around him that he's exactly who he used to be."

"So?"

"So, Nicky is half Cylon."

"Don't remind me," Cally muttered.

"No, I will, because you do need to be reminded," Danielle said angrily. She took the bolts out neatly. "Help me lift this." They both moved the base of the toilet aside. "Oh, gods, that's gross," Danielle sighed. "But it's not a different culture," she said, picking up the conversation smoothly, her voice returning to a strident tone. "It's not just different customs, because with forty thousand of us left, that's kind of bullshit. But it's a different make-up. I mean, there are things Nicky will probably be able to do that aren't physically possible for us, or any human. He needs Galen."

Cally scowled. "You're as bad as Hoshi was," she said.

"Yes, well Louis Hoshi was a very smart man when he wasn't blowing his brains out," Danielle snapped. "Really, could this smell any worse? We have got to find something better to eat than that algae."

The only reason Cally didn't snap back at Danielle was that she was too busy trying not to throw up. She pulled out a rag and tied it over her face. The rag helped, and she pulled on a thick pair of gloves before bending over the open toilet main.

"You know," Danielle said, sitting back and wiping her face, "you should talk to Athena and Helo or something."

"Are you okay?" Cally asked.

Danielle waved her hand. "The smell."

Cally bent herself over the main and grabbed the snake herself. "You're doing this to get back at me, aren't you?"

"No, it really was the smell, but now that you mention it, yes. Excellent idea. You fix the toilet main, and we're good again." But Danielle genuinely looked sick. Cally grit her teeth and bent over the job.

She was finally getting things flowing again when she spoke. "They won't talk to me."

"Who won't talk to you?" Danielle said. Her eyes were still closed, her head tipped back against the wall of the cubicle.

"Helo and Athena."

"Athena won't," Danielle agreed. "Helo will."

"Not after the mutiny."

"Sure he will. Helo's a big softie. Just cry and mention your son."

"You're cynical today."

"You're lucky I'm not puking on your shoes. Are you almost done?"

"Almost. The worst of the blockage is cleared. Looks like the valve's going." Cally reached down and swaged the part off. "I hope we brought duct tape."

"Funny." But Danielle pushed herself up, and the color was starting to return to her face as the smell lessened a bit. "Are you going to talk to Helo?"

"And form an I-married-a-Cylon support group?" Cally snorted and got up to clean the valve off in solvent so she could look at it better. She sighed. "I don't think talking to Helo's going to do me any good." She sighed and fingered the valve. "O-ring is in pieces. You know who I wish I could talk to? Of everyone in the world?"

"Hoshi?" Danielle guessed.

"No. Jammer."

Danielle made a face. "Jammer wouldn't have helped."

"Doesn't matter," Cally said, knowing she was perfectly right. "I just wish I could…" she shook her head. "Doesn't matter," she repeated. "Wishing doesn't change any of it." She fished an o-ring out of her kit and neatly fit it into the seating. "Talking to Helo about how great it is to be married to a Cylon isn't going to change it, either."

"'Surviving is the punishment for leaving things left unsaid,'" Danielle muttered, in the tone of a quotation.

Cally pretended not to hear her. She reassembled the valve and got back down on the floor. "Come on," she said, grabbing her wrench. "We're almost done, and then we can get out of here."

***

"Caroline," Cally began, catching her in the hall as a few Marines strolled by. "Look, do you have a minute?"

Caroline didn't even pretend not to ignore her. She just shook Cally's hand off and continued on her way.

Cally stared after her, telling herself not to dwell on it. That she'd made amends with Dee and Danielle, and that was more than she ever expected. At least Caroline was alive, and she'd have the chance someday.

Someday.

***

"So then, he says, I don't know, but it's on your left shoulder!"

Cally laughed, and then glanced at her watch. "I should go," she said.

"I know," Hot Dog said with a grimace. "Thanks for coming down."

"Sure," Cally said.

"Kind of surprised you do," Hot Dog said.

"Why?"

"From what you told me, the last time you made a new friend, he blew his brains out and his partner enlisted you in a mutiny."

Cally started at him. "I hadn't thought of it like that," she said coldly.

"Sorry," Hot Dog muttered, and he shifted uncomfortably, his good hand bracing his burnt arm. "I didn't really mean it. I just kind of know how you feel, with half the pilots I know over on the Astral Queen."

"Yeah," Cally relented. "Don't worry about it." She looked at her watch. "I'll come back tomorrow if I can, but I've got to get going."

"All right. Good luck."

"Thanks." She shot him one more harried smile and headed out of the infirmary and through the corridors.

The quickest route took her through the Memorial Hallway. Cally glanced at the walls as she passed, although she didn't have time to linger. But Hoshi's smile caught her eye, and she managed a tremulous little smile as she passed his picture. No matter what Hot Dog had said, that felt good.

She arrived at her destination just in time. Cally pushed through the people, amazed at just how many people were in the room. She looked around frantically. He had to be in here someplace.

And there he was. Across the room, Cally spotted Galen, Nicky perched on his lap as he sat waiting for the service to start. Their eyes met, and he waved, indicating the chair he had saved next to him. She squirmed her way over.

"You made it," he said, as Nicky reached out for her.

"I did." Cally touched Nicky's cheek. "I can't believe you talked me into this-"

"You don't have to come. I just wanted to take Nicky."

"I know." Cally sighed. "And I guess I ought to understand what you're teaching him. I am his mother, after all."

Galen smiled, but the smile faded fast. "I'm glad you came," he said.

"It doesn't mean anything," Cally warned him. "I'm not converting or anything."

"Didn't ask you to," he said. "But I'm still glad you came."

Cally opened her mouth to respond, but any answer was drowned out by Gaius Baltar taking the stage. She settled back, next to her son and her ex-husband, and listened to the former President of the Colonies begin to preach.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey, Cally," Galen said. "I need to talk to you?"

Cally looked up from her soldering and pushed the hair off her forehead. "What is it?"

Galen didn't answer, he just inclined his head. Cally sighed, put down her soldering iron, and followed him into the little room that sort of served as an office.

Galen looked tired. He had ever since the mutiny, Cally realized. Tired and distracted and worried. Granted, Laird wasn't there anymore to pick up the slack, and Figuski just wasn't the same. But Cally thought it went deeper than that.

"I need you to help me with something," Galen told her. "It's a job that really takes two people. And I need you not to talk about it to anyone afterwards."

"Yes, sir."

"I mean it, Cally. Not Dee or Danielle or Hot Dog or anyone."

"I said 'yes, sir'."

"Good. Let's go."

***

Injecting the dye into the hull of a ship was something Cally had only done three times before: twice on a Viper, once on a Raptor. It was tricky and tedious, and by the end of the injection process her eyes were burning and she had a headache.

"All right," Galen ordered. "Kill the lights."

"As long as they don't kill me back," Cally muttered, because the way Galactica was acting these days, that was always a possibility. The odd surges of electricity, random outages, and intermittent failures were becoming almost routine. Cally opened the box and turned out the lights, and Galen turned on the UV lamp he'd brought with him.

The spiderweb of cracks took both their breaths away.

***

"Frak." Cally said, dropping into a seat in Galen's little office.

"Yeah, frak," Galen agreed, sitting down on a table. He picked up a screwdriver, tossed it from hand to hand for a moment, and then set it back down. "FRAK!"

"Every place we tested…." Every time Cally closed her eyes she saw that network of cracks lighting up again. "How long do you think the Galactica has?"

"I don't know," Galen said. "But it can't be long."

"What are we-"

"I've got no frakking idea," Galen cut her off. "But don't say anything about this to anyone, got it?"

"I wasn't going to." Cally snapped. She pushed her hair back off her face, grimacing as she smelled the dye on her hands. She took a deep breath and glanced at the clock. There wasn't much time in her shift.

Galen saw her looking and sighed. "Go," he said. "Go pick up Nicky. I've got some stuff to work out."

"All right." Cally stood up and headed for the door. But she stopped before she got there. "Are you going to be all right?"

"Huh?" Galen looked up. "What, facing the Admiral with this, you mean?"

"No, I mean… it's Galactica," Cally said.

Galen shrugged. "It's Galactica," he agreed. "But when you get right down to it, Galactica's just another ship."

Cally nodded, but she had to admit that she was pretty sure there was once a time when that wasn't the answer he would have given. But then, maybe she was wrong about that. It sure wouldn't be the first time.

***

"Hey Cally, good news!" Hot Dog said when Cally stopped by to visit for a moment before she went to get Nicky.

"Hit me with it," Cally groaned. "I could use it."

"Doc said that the tendons are intact," Hot Dog said. He was smiling, touching his burnt arm cautiously. "It'll be a few weeks, but Doc says I'll be able to fly again no problem."

"That's great." Cally couldn't help the relief that flooded her. She didn't want to think about could have happened, and how that could have been so very, very different.

Hot Dog was watching her. "You look tired," he pointed out. "Actually, you look like shit."

Cally sat down heavily. "You know how to make a girl feel wanted, Hot Dog."

"Seriously, Cally, are you all right?"

She couldn't tell him. And in fact, Cally found she didn't want to tell him, because then she'd have to say the words. "Just tired."

Hot Dog still looked concerned. "Look," he said, leaning forward. "I really appreciate you coming around, you know? But if you need to sleep, you need to sleep."

"I know. " Cally didn't move.

Hot Dog shrugged. "Of course, if you want to stay here, I'm not going to kick you out."

"Just for a little," Cally said.

He leaned over to the nightstand beside his bed. "One of the Marines brought me a checkerboard," he said. "Want to play?"

"All right." Cally took the board and began setting it up.

She wished she couldn't hear a heart monitor beeping somewhere in the infirmary, slowly measuring out life.

***

"We're going to WHAT?"

The uproar consisted of a lot more, but that was the one sentiment that Cally heard above anything else. And she couldn't agree more.

Galen held up his hands. "Hey, hey, hey! HEY! Be quiet! Now, I don't like it any better than you do-"

"Frak that!" one of the deck hands shouted. "You're one of them! This was your frakking idea!"

"No one's sure this is going to work," Galen said, ignoring the protest. "But it's all we've got left to try. If we don't try it, the Galactica has five, maybe six jumps left in her. At most."

"That can't be right," someone else protested.

"It's right," Galen said. "And there's only one chance to fix it. And that means that we're going to have Cylon work crews in here."

Cally closed her eyes. Cylons on the Galactica. The idea made her sick, but not like it once would have.

"You okay?" Danielle touched her shoulder.

"Yeah."

"You going to be okay with this?" Danielle asked, nodding towards where Galen was trying to restore order.

"I think so," Cally said. Danielle looked at her skeptically, and Cally surprised. "Yeah, well, at least they're doing something to help us now."

"I guess that's one way to look at it," Danielle muttered.

"Yeah. One way," Cally sighed.

***

The sight of crews of Twos, Sixes, and Eights climbing off heavy raiders on Galactica took Cally right back to New Caprica. It was the first time she'd seen that many of them in one place, and she had to take a few deep breaths to stop herself from shaking and firmly remind herself that Nicky was safe in the daycare.

The organic resin was a thick black goo that had to be painted on. The technique was simple enough, but the stuff smelled terrible, like something dead and rotting. It left the bones of Galactica dark and sticky, reminding Cally of a bad sci-fi flick she'd seen back in high school, with aliens and a pulsing ship. She wondered what the inside of the baseship looked like.

A Six was watching her. Cally had noticed it all morning, but the Six seemed afraid to approach her. It was putting her on edge, and finally, Cally snapped it out. "What?"

The Six flushed. She had dyed her hair dark, and Cally noticed she had a scar on the side of her face. "I'm sorry," she said. "It's just… I know who you are."

"Excuse me?"

"Your son, Nicky. He's a hybrid." Cally's blood drained from her face, and the Six held up her hands. "No, no. Please don't take me wrong. It's not a threat. It's just… it's hope."

"Hope." Cally said it dryly.

"Hope," the Six said with a helpless sort of shrug. "Aren't all children hope?"

Hope that the Cylon race will go on, was what Cally heard in her unsaid words. She pressed her lips together and turned back to her painting.

"I'd love to meet him sometime," the Six pushed on.

Cally didn't think she'd ever feel empathy for a Cylon, but suddenly she knew exactly how Athena had felt when she'd shot that Natalie. Her hand tightened around the handle of her paint brush. "He won't be giving you any answers," she said, her voice hard. "He's still mastering colors and shapes. I think anything more than that is out of his ability."

"That wasn't why…" the Six said.

"Then why?" Cally asked. "He's a little boy, for frak's sake!"

"And I've never seen one," the Six answered. "Not up close. I saw children on New Caprica, and I heard them playing, but I never got…" she truly looked distressed. "And your child… I know he's just a child, but he's still part Cylon."

And he's a child, not a zoo exhibit, Cally was about to snap, but she noticed Galen standing near by, watching them. He mistook her glance and nodded, inclining his head toward the Six. Permission, then. Not that she wanted it.

The Six was still standing there, waiting with bated breath. Apparently, she took the fact that Cally hadn't answered as a good sign. Her face was so hopeful, that if it had been possible to forget that she was a Cylon Cally would have dropped her paintbrush right then and dragged her off to the daycare to meet Nicky.

Galen cleared his throat.

Cally's voice was still caught. The Six's eyes flicked to Galen, and encouraged, she leaned forward eagerly. "I don't have a name yet," she said, extending her hand, "but I was thinking of using Sabrina." Cally stared at her hand, and Galen cleared his throat again. Reluctantly, she took the Six's hand. It felt cold, but then, so did her own.

"Is Sabrina a good name?" the Six asked her anxiously.

Her voice felt rusty when she tried to speak. "I haven't heard it in a while. But it's pretty."

The Six's smile was radiant, almost innocent. "Thank you." She hesitated. "Your name is pretty, too. They said it's really Callandra?"

"Yeah." Cally wished the Six would let go of her hand.

"Look," the Six said. "I know you have every reason to say no. I understand that, I really do. B-ut it would mean a lot to me if I could just meet him- that there's hope for all of us, and that somehow, something is going to go on."

"I thought that's what Hera was."

"She is." The Six was earnest. "But one hybrid is an anomaly. A wonderful miracle of an anomaly, but a unique instance just the same. But a second hybrid… it's still not proof. It's still not a trend. But it's something more. And just to know that somehow, there's more for us all… it would mean so much."

Her fingers were tight around Cally's, and her eyes were pleading. But more than that, Cally saw Galen's expression. It wasn't revelation, it wasn't devout belief or pride or… or anything Cally could place. But there was something there, something that prompted her to say, "All right."

The Six's eyes widened incredulously. "Thank you," she said, finally withdrawing her hand. "I mean it. Thank you."

"We'll go after the shift," Cally said, hating herself even as she spoke.

But when she looked at Galen, he had the hint of a smile.

***

"So how did it go?" Dee asked cautiously.

Cally shrugged. "All right," she grudgingly admitted. "She didn't seem like she was ready to make off with him. She basically said hello, held him for a few minutes, and then left."

"Hmm." Dee obviously didn't know what to say, so she focused on her drink.

It felt strange to sit in Joe's, at the same table. The seats that Racetrack and Seelix would have occupied were conspicuously empty, and Caroline still refused to speak to Cally. But they were here because Dee now wore Captain's pins, and that had warranted a celebration.

"Danielle," Caroline said, "you haven't touched your drink."

"I know," Danielle pushed it over. "Drink it if you want it, but the smell of it makes me sick. I thought I'd gotten used to algae in my liquor, but I guess not."

Caroline shrugged. "More for me," she agreed, and bolted the whiskey. Danielle averted her eyes and turned back to Cally.

"How did Chief take it?" she asked.

"He was… I don't know. He was there, and he seemed happy, but he almost seemed…" Cally struggled for the word. "Wistful, maybe? I don't get it."

"Colonel Tigh's seemed a lot more at peace ever since Earth," Dee mused. "Maybe Chief is, too."  
"Maybe," Cally said dubiously. "I don't know anymore. I don't really feel like I know anything about him anymore."

"So anyway," Caroline said, breaking the silence that fell over the table, "what are your plans for the Fleet, Captain Dualla? Are you going to start whipping everyone into shape?"

Dee laughed. "If I get the chance," she said with an evil grin. But her grin faded fast. "The CIC could use it," she said. "On the one hand, I knew it, but I never realized how much Felix did in the CIC." Her face was pained as she looked down at her drink. But then she heaved a sigh and schooled her face back into a neutral expression. "We ended up getting Captain Kelly out of the brig, and I'm learning tactical. It's actually pretty interesting."

"Good for you," Caroline said with hearty approval. "About time someone realized how smart you are."

Dee flushed. "I can't blame them," she said. "I enlisted straight out of school. I was in a good position."

"You were. But that doesn't change the fact that you've deserved every promotion you've gotten," Caroline said. "If things had been different, who knows what you would have done?"

"If things had been different, who knows what any of us would have done?" Danielle asked. She yawned. "I hate to do this, Dee, but I think I need to call it a night. I'm exhausted."

"You look tired. Go get some sleep," Dee agreed.

"I'll walk with you," Cally offered, more because she didn't feel like staying with just Dee and Caroline. She hugged Dee and kissed her on the cheek. "Congratulations."

"Thanks Cally," Dee said, hugging her back. Caroline looked away. Cally wanted to say something to her, but she wasn't sure what to say.

"Good night," she finally said.

Caroline didn't answer. Cally turned and walked out of the bar with Danielle.

Danielle seemed far away. She had all night, Cally realized. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Danielle said absently. "Cally? Do you think that the Cylons would take Nicky? Or any baby?"

"What makes you ask that?" Cally asked, shivering.

"Just… they've always seemed so obsessed. And there were stories on New Caprica…."

"They left Nicky alone then," Cally pointed out, more to reassure herself than Danielle. They took me, but they left Nicky in his crib."

"But it was the humans that actually took you. I know a Two took a little girl that lived on our block, and so many children were taken to detention…. Even Athena seemed convinced they'd take Hera."

"Well, Hera's a bit of a special case," Cally pointed out. "Besides, if they ever did take one, that would be the end of their alliance, and I don't think they're ready to do that."

"Yeah. You're right." Danielle sighed. "I just… it was something I was thinking about, and once it got in my mind I couldn't let it go, you know?"

"So you put it in mine?" Cally teased her. Oddly enough, Danielle's words didn't strike fear into her heart. The Cylons were too in awe of the Final Five- or Four, or however many- to go near Nicky, she was pretty sure. And if they did, Cally knew she was right about the alliance. It wouldn't happen.

She was so busy reassuring herself she barely noticed they'd reached their quarters. Danielle muttered a good night and disappeared into her own rack. Cally slipped into hers, looking at the pictures taped to the wall. Nicky smiled back at her, and she touched his face.

If nothing else, if everything else went wrong… at least she had Nicky.

***

"Breena?" Nicky asked Cally, clinging to her hand.

"Sabrina's coming." Cally led him down to the mess hall. On the one hand, she resented her son's quick attachment to a Cylon. On the other hand, when the menu didn't vary and always tasted like mold, anything that made eating seem less like a chore was a good thing. And the week that they'd been eating with Sabrina had been… well, not good. Cally still tensed instinctively whenever she saw her. But it hadn't been any worse than any of the days since Earth, and that was saying something.

"Hey." Hot Dog fell into step beside Cally.

"You're out!" Cally said, a little surprised.

"Yeah, well, it was all because of Ishay," Hot Dog said with a sigh. "If I was in there any longer, she wasn't going to be able to keep her hands off of me."

Cally laughed, and hearing her laughter, Nicky smiled up at Hot Dog. "Whoa, who's this?"

"This is Nicky," Cally said, shutting out the memory of introducing Nicky to Louis as firmly as she could. "We're going to get dinner."

"Oh?"

"He has a date," Cally said.

"Breena!" Nicky added importantly.

"Breena?" Hot Dog asked, quirking an eyebrow up.

"One of the Sixes," Cally explained, making a face. "Sabrina, actually. Nicky's taken a liking to her."

"Really?" Hot Dog looked down at Nicky. "Good taste there, kiddo," he said with a wink. He returned his attention to Cally. "Not really fair that your kid gets a date and you don't, though."

"It's algae in the mess hall," Cally laughed. "I'll live."

"Nah! You deserve a date!" Hot Dog grinned goofily. "I know. I'll be your date. We can double!"

"You're such a dork," Cally informed him, still laughing. "But if you want to come to dinner with us, be my guest."

Sabrina was waiting for them near the mess hall, looking nervous. Cally grudgingly admitted she couldn't blame her, given the looks a lot of the crew were giving her as they passed by. But she lit up when she saw them, especially as Nicky waved to her cheerfully.

"Breena!" he shouted.

"It's one of his few words," Cally said to Hot Dog. "The kid is damn lucky he learned to say Momma first."

Sabrina smiled and knelt down so Nicky could toddle over and collect a hug. Then she looked at Hot Dog questioningly.

"Oh, this is my friend Hot Dog," Cally introduced them. "Hot Dog, Sabrina. She's working on the renovations."

"Hi," Hot Dog said, with a little wave.

If Cally was honest, she had to admit that she'd had the suspicion that Hot Dog had come along with them for the chance to meet one of the Sixes. They might be homicidal maniacs, but they were still extremely pretty- even Cally could admit that. And Hot Dog's reputation as a skirt-chaser (if not necessarily catcher) was fairly well known. But aside from a few pleasantries, he barely spoke directly to Sabrina. Sabrina spent her time fussing over Nicky, and Hot Dog regaled Cally with a long, drawn-out version of a soap opera happening among the pilots.

"You surprise me," Hot Dog said, after the meal was over and Sabrina had left.

"I know," Cally said, wiping Nicky's hands. "I surprise myself. I thought you were for the alliance, though."

"I can live with the alliance," Hot Dog said, his face falling into serious lines. "Partly because the Old Man said to, but I can see why we need it. Doesn't mean I like it, although I'll play nice."

"Playing nice is a pretty good description," Cally said with a sigh. "And I guess it's really the only option left, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Hot Dog agreed. "Guess so."

***

"Hot Dog's flying CAP today?" Danielle asked.

Cally shrugged. " He said Cottle cleared him. It's been a few weeks."

"A few weeks," Danielle snorted. "It should be a lot more than that."

"And Gaeta was in the CIC on a leg that had been amputated ten days prior," Figurski pointed out. "Recovery time on this ship isn't what it used to be, that's for sure."

Cally jumped. She hadn't realized he'd been standing behind them. Figurksi handed her a gymbol. "See what you can make of that, will you?"

"Yes, sir. I-" whatever Cally was about to say was- lost in the sound of people heading towards the deck. Her eyes widened as she caught sight of the Admiral, Tigh, and the President. "What the frak?"

"This can't be good," Figurski agreed.

They watched as a Raptor taxied in to the landing bay, flanked by two Vipers. Hot Dog got out of his Viper and headed towards the pilots, and Cally could see from the look on his face he was confused. The other Viper was being piloted by Starbuck, and even she didn't look as cocky and at ease, although that had really been the case since Earth. Cally wondered what the frak could necessitate such an entrance.  
The brass spread out, the Marines aimed their guns, and after what felt like an interminable wait, Ellen Tigh emerged from the Raptor.

"How many dead chicks are out there?" she heard Hot Dog say.

"I thought she was dead!" Cally whispered.

"She was," Danielle said. "She must be the last Cylon."

"Well," Figurski said, "that makes some sense, I guess."

It did. But as the scene unfurled before them, it became very clear that the brass- and Galen- had known that Ellen was a Cylon. She was feeling vaguely resentful about that when the pilot of the Raptor stepped into view.

Galen stepped right up to her, until they were nose to nose. "This is Boomer," he confirmed.

Boomer. Cally wanted to double over as the air sucked out of her lungs. And as the Marines pulled Boomer past her towards the Cylon cell, once again Cally wished she had a gun in her hands.

And unless she misread his expression, Galen felt the same.

***

"How the frak did you know it was Boomer?" Cally asked as soon as Galen walked in that night to see Nicky.

"I thought we were watching the swearing in front of Nicky," Galen said. "Hey, big guy. Whatcha doing?" He knelt down and held out his arms, and Nicky toddled to him eagerly.

"Fine. How did you know it was Boomer? She looks exactly like every other Eight."

"I don't know," Galen said tiredly. "It's been a long day, all right, Cally? Don't give me shi- don't give me trouble about it. I just knew."

"Because you're a Cylon? Or is it because you were in love with her?"

"Cally-"

"Tigh couldn't tell the difference."

"Hard to figure things like this out when you're liplocked with someone else already. In case it escaped your notice, the Colonel wasn't paying attention to anyone on that deck except for Ellen." Cally scowled at that. "Besides," Galen said, putting Nicky down and settling down to play with the blocks that Nicky was insistently holding out to him. "What's it to you? You've made it pretty clear that you and I are over."

It was a good question, but it was easily answered by Nicky himself. "Play, Mama," he ordered.

"I just don't want my son being raised by a traitor," Cally muttered, sitting down.

"Fine words coming from a mutineer," Galen muttered back.

"Fine," Cally sighed impatiently. "I'll drop it."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Fine." Galen took a deep breath. "Come on, Cally. We were doing good before this. Let's not let this wreck everything we've been doing for Nicky, okay? Besides, it's ridiculous. Whatever Boomer and I had is over."

Cally nodded stiffly. "All right." She stacked a few blocks up. Nicky considered the structure and the pulled back and knocked it down, giggling at the result. Galen snorted, and even Cally grinned a little. "So how is Sam doing?" she asked, because that was the only safe question she could think of.

Galen shook his head. "No progress," he said. "Doc said if he didn't come back by now, he's probably not coming back." He began building a tower for Nicky to knock over. "It's too bad. He remembered stuff about Earth."

"About Earth?" Cally sat bolt upright. "What do you mean about Earth?" Galen balked, and Cally's eyes narrowed. "Or can't you tell me?"

"Some of it I can't. But some of it…" he sighed and rubbed his face. "You're not going to like it."

"You're already a Cylon," Cally pointed out. "How could it be worse?"

Galen stacked the blocks as precisely as possible. "Sam said that I was engaged on Earth."

"Engaged?"

"To Tory."

To Cally's shock, she began to laugh. Galen relaxed a little, risking a smile. "I know, right?" he said. "I know you thought I was having an affair, but I really wasn't. I don't know. I just…"

"I can see you frakking her," Cally admitted, and for some reasons the words didn't hurt so much as they used to. "But engaged?"

"I know, right?" Galen's smile widened. "Want to hear something really funny?"

"All right," Cally said.

"On Earth… I was a professor."

"A what?"

"I'm not kidding! But I had a flash, and believe me, Cally, there is no frakking way I could make this shit up. I remembered the day I died. I had on glasses, and a tweed jacket."

"Tweed?"

"And I was buying an artichoke. Or an avocado. Which is the brown one?"

"You're joking. You have got to be joking." Cally was laughing now, and as Galen joined in, she laughed until her sides hurt. Every time she looked at him she pictured him in tweed and glasses, and she dissolved into helpless giggles again. Nicky looked up at them both, laughing with them. Galen ruffled his hair.

"You can't see me teaching classes?" he asked. "Wandering around a university and smoking a pipe?"

"Standing at a chalkboard?"

"Mentoring students?" Galen chortled, but Cally nodded.

"That one I can actually see," she said.

He snorted. "Really?"

"What, you don't remember teaching me and Sonicus and Jammer how to make booze?"

"Yeah. I remember." Galen was still smiling, but the expression in his eyes was far away. "Frak, that seems like it was so long ago. Another life."

Cally looked down at Nicky. "It was another life," she muttered.

"Guess so."

They were quiet for a long moment, their silence broken only by Nicky taking advantage of the chance to babble. The sounds didn't form words, but there was inflection in his tone. Cally smiled. "He'll be talking soon," she said. "I mean, really talking."

"I know. Well, I've been told. Still don't know much about any of this."

"Neither does anyone," Cally said grudgingly. She hugged her knees to her chest. "Can I ask you something?"

Galen shrugged. "Sure."

"I've heard about Cylons doing that projection thing. Can you do it?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I've tried a couple times, but…" he shrugged. "But if I remembered the first thing about being a Cylon, maybe I could. Why do you ask?"

Cally fingered Nicky's hair. "I was wondering if he could do it," she said, her voice catching a little in her throat. "There's so much I'd like to show him that he might never get the chance to see, like the sun or a moon or birds or flowers or… frak, anything. And sometimes that feels like it's the only way he'll ever see any of that."

Galen rubbed his chin. "I couldn't help you with that, Cally," he said, "but I'll bet Sabrina could."

"Mmm."

"What? I know she and Nicky have been doing well together. I thought that was kind of the point, actually."

"Breena?" Nicky asked, looking up interestedly.

"That's your answer right there," Galen insisted. "Seriously. I don't know the first thing about projection. I can't show him. But Sabrina might be able to, and then he could have what you want for him. What we want for him."

She didn't like the idea, but she imagined Nicky, looking up at the blue sky and squinting his eyes closed as he enjoyed the sunlight. She nodded. "All right," she said. "For Nicky."


	8. Chapter 8

Galen was restless tonight, walking around the small quarters, picking things up and putting them down. Cally sat on the floor with Nicky, flipping through a worn book, reciting it from memory and watching him with concern.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he muttered. But he continued to prowl around the room.

Cally narrowed her eyes. "Right," she said. "That's why you can't sit still for two minutes. If it's secret Cylon stuff, just say that."

"It's not secret Cylon stuff," Galen muttered. He sighed. "You know that saying, right? This has all happened before, and will happen again?"

"It's not so much a saying as a piece of scripture," Cally said dryly.

Galen waved a hand in vague acknowledgment of her correction. "Whatever. It's just… look, I know you know about the Circle, okay? And trust me- I had no frakking clue I was a Cylon then. None of us did. And there were humans in that Circle, too. And it was wrong. And it's going to happen again."

"The Circle?" Cally asked with a little alarm.

"Not the Circle itself. But the mockery of a trial. The execution. It's wrong."

"You're talking about Boomer," Cally realized. She'd heard rumors that the Cylons wanted to extradite her. "She picked her side."

"And she brought Ellen back," Galen pointed out. "It should count for something when someone changes their mind." He looked at her sharply, and Cally flushed. "Look, I know you can't be sympathetic to her. I'm not asking for that. But there's a big difference between sympathy and justice, and Boomer deserves justice. Real justice. She deserves to tell her side of it."

"And what happens then?" Cally wanted to know. "What if they listen and they still say she deserves to die? What are you going to do then?"

Galen inhaled. "If that happens, I'll accept it," he ground out, and Cally could see the lie. "But she deserves a chance." Cally pressed her lips together and looked down at the floor. "What?" Galen demanded. "You don't believe me?"

"I didn't say anything of the kind," Cally said shortly. "Let's talk about something else."

"You asked."

"And you answered my question. Let's talk about something else." Cally's voice was hard. "How are the repairs coming? Do you think the resin is working?"

Galen glared at her for a long moment, and then his shoulders slumped in. "It's not working," he said, and his voice sounded tired and resigned. "We might buy Galactica a jump or two, but not much more than that. And that's assuming she doesn't take any hits from Cylons- which isn't a very good assumption at all."

"What are we going to do when Galactica dies?" Cally said, choking a little on the words. "Has the Admiral said?"

"There's really only one thing we can do, and that's use the baseship as the military ship," Galen said. "We'll have to move most of the crew over there, and find someplace else for the civilians."

"It's not a good idea," Cally said flatly.

"What other choice is there?" Galen asked.

"That doesn't mean it's a good idea."

"I know."

Nicky took the book from Cally and began turning the pages himself. Cally sighed heavily, watching the pictures go by. "I wish he was old enough to start learning projection," she muttered. "Get him out of this hell."

"Yeah," Galen agreed. "Me, too."

***

Cally wished the soap supply wasn't so low. The smell of tylium was strong, and it was still on her when she rinsed her hair under the water. She wished that she could use a little of what she had left, but it wouldn't help enough, and it was better to save what she had for Nicky.

She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower into the head, picking up a worn towel and catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She was losing weight again, and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was uneven, and her bangs needed to be trimmed again. At least that she could do. She was thinking about finding a pair of scissors when she almost tripped over Danielle.

"Hey. How are you?"

Danielle looked just as bad as Cally did, sitting in her grease-covered overalls. Her hair was lank and dead-looking, and she had a strange expression on her face. "I'm all right," she said distantly, not looking at Cally. She was staring at the locker across from her.

"You sure?" Cally asked skeptically, pulling on her bra and underwear and then yanking a comb through her hair. Gods, she missed conditioner.

"Yeah. I guess. I don't know." Danielle shook herself and looked up at Cally with wide, haunted eyes. "Cally, I'm pregnant."

Cally froze, comb halfway through a tangle. "What?"

"I'm pregnant," Danielle repeated. "I lost track of the days and I forgot to get my shot and… and I'm pregnant."

Cally sat down beside her cautiously. "Are you sure?" she asked.

Danielle nodded. "I just came from sickbay. Ishay said the blood test came back positive."

There was no tactful way to ask it, so Cally gave up trying. "Are you happy about it?"

Danielle shook her head, wiping at her face. "How can I be happy about it?" she asked. "I want to be, but what the frak am I doing? Bringing a baby into this mess? With everything that's happening to Galactica and the Cylons lurking and I don't even know what's going on for sure with Tony and I just know he's going to be mad and…" her tears were flowing fast now.

"I guess if you wanted you could always-"

"I don't want to," Danielle said sharply.

"Right. Sorry."

"No," Danielle took a deep breath and dragged the sleeve of her coveralls across her nose. "It's a reasonable question. I just… I can't." The storm was letting up, and she was relaxing back into herself. "Although in some ways, I guess it seems kinder, doesn't it? The idea of raising a baby on the Cylon basestar… I'll probably leave the military, first."

"How far along are you?"

"Only seven weeks." Danielle sniffed again. "Isn't it terrible that I almost hope it comes to nothing? I can't bring myself to end it, but all I can think is what kind of life is this for a baby? At least when you had Nicky there was hope. Now, there's nothing."

"Do you want me to go with you to tell Tony?" Cally offered, because she couldn't think of anything more helpful to say.

Danielle shook her head. "No. I'll tell him. When I'm ready. Just… please don't tell anyone before I'm ready."

"Of course not," Cally promised.

***

A week passed by without any word from Danielle, and Cally wished she could say something to Dee. But if Dee knew, she had been sworn to silence as well, and Cally wouldn't break that. No matter how much it was killing her.

But a week later, Anthony Figurski waved the "old crew" over to the side after a shift. And as she stood there with people that she'd known since before the attacks, a bottle of Joe's finest on the work bench, Cally knew exactly what Figurski was going to say.

"I know it's crazy," he said, opening a bottle and pouring out the bitter liquor, "but I'd given up hope of ever being able to say this. I'm gonna be a father. A father! Can you believe it?" His eyes were shining as he handed out the cups. "In about seven months, Danielle and I are going to have a baby."

Galen's eyes were on Cally. She felt them, but she couldn't meet them. She held her glass up with the others and toasted the new baby, trying to forget the day she'd had to laughingly tell Jammer that she couldn't drink the toast because she was pregnant, for frak's sake.

"Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" someone asked.

Figurski snorted. "Boy, girl, twins, quadruplets, Cylon, looks like her, gods help the poor thing, looks like me- I don't give a frak." He held up his glass, and hush fell over them all. "Right now, when it feels like we've got nothing, I've got more than any man could ask for. I've been blessed by the gods, and I hope you all know this happiness that I never thought I was going to find. It's early, but to the baby, and to Danielle. May the gods bless her and keep them both safe."

"So say we all," was the general echo. Cally's voice broke as she said it, and so did Galen's. Because gods knew, once they'd felt the exact same way.

***

"So I hear Figurski got some," Hot Dog said as he sat down at the table Cally was already occupying.

"Lovely way of putting it," Cally said sourly.

Hot Dog shrugged, completely unaffected by Cally's tone. "But true. It's nice to hear some good news for a change."

"I hear that's not the only good news," Cally said. "Rumor has it you're up for promotion."

Hot Dog flushed and shrugged. "Yeah," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't know if I should be, but-"

"Why shouldn't you be?" Cally demanded. "You've logged the hours, you've made the kills, you're-"

"Getting promoted because a lot of the better pilots are still in lockdown after the mutiny," Hot Dog said. He was completely serious now, and Cally understood. "But that's what's left, I guess."

"Yeah."

"So yeah, it's nice to hear that someone's got some good news. Real good news."

Cally chewed slowly. "You know, you talk about all these girls," she said, "but I never actually see you with any." Hot Dog shrugged. "Do you have any plans for the future?"

"Who can make plans?" Hot Dog asked. "I've got hopes, but not plans."

"Well?"

Hot Dog stared down at his food fixedly. "I'd like a family," he finally admitted. "I get it with Figurski, actually. I'm not ready for one right this minute, but I guess I don't have to start off with a baby right now. Even if I knocked some chick up, I'd have time to get used to it, right? And if I found this amazing girl who already had a kid, well, my dad split when I was a baby, and I had a stepfather. I could do it."

"Yeah? You'd be good at it," Cally said.

"You think?" Hot Dog looked at her sharply, and Cally nodded.

"You would be."

He smiled. "Glad you think so," he said, and Cally had the feeling something had shifted between them. His smile was more open, less goofy, and somehow warmer. It just felt warmer and more intimate at the table, and Cally relaxed.

Later, she thought of Hoshi telling her how much he wanted kids, and how badly that had ended. It was funny, but somehow, she got the feeling that that wasn't what Hot Dog was telling her at all.

***

The work roster was posted in a hand Cally didn't immediately recognize, not Galen's familiar handwriting. She stared at it for a long time, trying to place where she'd seen it before, and who would put her on fuel line maintenance when Viper 1927 still needed repairing. The initials at the bottom were APF, and it was only when Figurski came up behind her that she put it all together.

"You really want me on fuel line maintenance?" Cally asked.

Figurski shrugged. "It's what you're technically allowed to do."

"But Ga- Chief puts me on the birds whenever we're short, and no one's on 1927. It makes more sense."

"I know."

"Then why?" Cally turned around, and the look on Figurski's face made her heart freeze before she even registered that something was wrong. "What is it? Where's Chief, anyway?"

Figurski's concern deepened. "You haven't heard?"

"I just came on shift," Cally said by way of answer.

Figurski put a hand on Cally's arm and pulled her away out of a nonexistent stream of traffic. "Boomer escaped," he said in a low voice. "Chief helped her. He admits to it."

"What?" Cally's mouth dropped open. "When?"

"A few hours ago."

"He admitted to it?" Cally found that more baffling than anything.

Figurski wiped his face. "Boomer didn't just escape, Cally. She took Hera. I'm surprised you haven't- hey! Where are you going?"

It didn't matter that she was meant to be on duty. Someone else could take care of the frakking fuel lines. Cally was running as fast as she could towards the nursery. Please let him be there. Please let him be there. Please, whatever gods are listening, or God, or whoever the frak exists, don't let her have taken Nicky.

She burst into the nursery, startling the teachers and the children. "Nicky," she gasped out, looking frantically around. She didn't see him.

She took him. She took him.

One of the teachers stepped forward and put a hand on her arm. "Cally? Are you all right?"

"Where's Nicky?" Cally knew she must look like a mad woman, but she couldn't control her breathing and her heart was pounding so loudly she was sure it must be audible.

"Calm down, Cally. He's getting changed. Jenny took him."

As if on cue, the door to the head opened and an older woman came out, Nicky balanced on her hip. Cally cut across the room, the need to touch Nicky and be sure of his presence overwhelming her. She cupped his cheek and pressed her forehead against his, breathing in the scent of him.

"Cally? Are you all right?" Jenny asked.

She took a deep breath, and then another. "I'm all right," she finally said. "He's here."

"Of course he's here. Why wouldn't he- oh. Oh. I see. No, sweetie, he's fine. But you're going to have to pick him up tonight, right?"

"Right," Cally agreed automatically. Then her brain kicked in. "Where's Galen?"

"In the brig. Where he belongs." Jenny's face was firm. "You should have seen poor Sharon in here. She was torn apart."

"I can imagine," Cally said, and she could. All too well. She took another deep breath, and then remembered she was supposed to be on duty. "I'll be back to pick him up."

"We'll see you then," Jenny said. "And don't worry. We won't let anything happen to Nicky."

"Thank you," Cally said, but her shoulders were still tense. She forced herself to leave the nursery, to believe that Nicky would be okay and that he'd be there when she was done her shift.

She tended to the fuel lines almost automatically, her mind far away. She was just about finished when she spotted Sabrina approaching, remnants of the goop smeared across her forehead. "I heard about Hera," she said without any preamble. "Is Nicky all right?"

Cally nodded dully. "He is. I went and checked as soon as I heard, since Galen had him last night. She didn't take him."

"I'm glad," Sabrina said, and she looked completely sincere. "I'm not surprised, but I'm glad."

"You're not surprised?"

Sabrina shrugged. "Without resurrection, we need to rely on reproduction. From what I understand, the Final Five were not incapable of reproducing. Nicky isn't so much of an anomaly as Hera is."

Cally remembered the jacks Hoshi had been holding on Earth and nodded. "That's right," she said.

"I would have liked to have known life on Earth," Sabrina mused. "It would give so much insight as to why they created us as they did."

"Created?" Cally asked.

Sabrina looked at her oddly. "Yes. The Final Five created us- the seven. You hadn't heard that?"

"No." Cally tried to process that.

"Maybe I wasn't supposed to say anything," Sabrina said, worried. "But the Cylons know, and I just assumed-"

"It's the military," Cally interrupted. "Everything's classified." Because Adama knew we would kill them if we knew…. Her head was beginning to hurt. "But what is he going to do with Hera?" she asked.

"I guess he wants to figure out what's so different about her. Try the same trick." Sabrina shrugged. "I've never fully understood the Ones, even back before we began to differentiate. They're very secretive."

"Well, unless one of his secrets is that he's got copies of Ellen and Tory over there, he's only got male Cylons."

"You're right." Sabrina giggled. "I wonder if Cavil thought of that. Can you imagine what they're going to do, even if they figure out what's so different about Hera?"

The image of a pregnant Five was what finally broke Cally's brain and pushed her over the edge, and she found herself laughing without really realizing it. Sabrina smiled, and before Cally knew it, the two of them were leaning against each other, laughing so hard that tears were streaming down their faces. The laughter turned to crying, and Cally leaned against Sabrina, utterly overwhelmed.

The Final Five had made the Cylons that destroyed the Colonies. Galen had done that. Cally couldn't even begin to wrap her mind around it. She remembered the day Galen had begun building the blackbird, the day it was revealed. It had been effective, but it had been clunky and nothing like the sleek newer Vipers they'd been working with. That that same Galen had made the woman that Cally was now leaning against- a woman who felt as real as she did- was impossible to comprehend.

"Are you all right?" Sabrina asked when Cally's body had decided she'd had enough.

Cally shook her head. "I need a drink."

"I don't blame you," Sabrina said.

Cally looked at her. If, a few months ago, someone had told her that she'd cry on the shoulder of a Cylon, she would have either laughed at them or smacked them. Now, she heard herself saying, "Do you want to join me?"

Sabrina's eyes widened. "Do you mean it?"

"Yeah," Cally heard herself saying. "I do."

Sabrina nodded. "All right," she said. "I will."

***

Dee didn't look surprised when Sabrina was at Cally's side at Joe's, and Danielle even greeted her warmly. But Caroline's eyes widened in shock.

Sabrina shifted uncomfortably. "If it's a problem…" she began.

"No. It's not a problem," Caroline said, moving over to make room. "It's just a surprise. And I don't mean you." She looked at Cally, and Cally felt her stomach freeze. It was the first time she'd met Caroline's eyes since Caroline had trained the gun on her in the Memorial Hallway. She kept her gaze even, and Caroline looked away first.

"How's Helo doing?" Danielle, ever the peacemaker, asked Dee.

"Not so good," Dee said. "Not that you can really expect anything else. But Boomer also attacked Athena, and Athena is furious with Helo…"

"She should have gotten a tattoo," Caroline opined grumpily. She took a drink and glanced at Sabrina. "Sorry. I can usually figure out the difference with the Sixes, and even the Twos, but would it kill a few of the Eights to cut their hair or dye it or something? They're really hard to tell apart."

"They are," Sabrina agreed neutrally. She fingered her glass. "But regardless, it doesn't make what Boomer did right."

"Didn't say it did."

"I know."

"So, is Adama going to do anything about Hera?" Danielle interrupted.

"What can he do?" Dee asked, but she looked angry. "He can't send Helo and Athena- they're too valuable. Any pilot that could attempt a mission like that-"

"Well, what about someone like Racetrack?" Cally interrupted. "It's not like he's using her."

"You think he's going to trust Racetrack to go after a Cylon kid?" Caroline asked.

"I think he should trust Racetrack to go after Athena and Helo's kid," Cally said. "She would do it." Caroline didn't argue that point- she just looked away.

"There's still the problem of equipment," Dee sighed. "With the Galactica failing, even the Raptors have become infinitely more precious. Add in ammo and fuel and the fact they have no idea where they're going… it's just not feasible." Her scowl deepened. "Not that I think the Admiral is handling the situation well. But I can see his thought process."

Cally found herself automatically looking at Caroline, only to find Caroline looking back at her in shock. Dee openly criticizing Adama was almost unheard of. But Dee didn't notice their moment of solidarity.

"It's funny, but it's actually Helo I'm the most worried about," Dee continued. "Sharon's broken before this, and she's come back. But Helo hasn't. Not really. How much more can he take? And what Boomer did…" Dee's face turned angry. Really angry. "After everything Helo's done, he deserves better. Frak, he's the only reason she's still alive."

"Not really," Sabrina pointed out. "Galen got her out of there before the Cylons could extradite her. What is the Admiral doing about that?"

"He's in the brig."

"The Cylons will want a say," Sabrina said, but her voice was more musing than strident. "They aren't happy about what he's done. And he should pay the price."

She was so calm, as were the others, but so definitive at the same time. And suddenly, Cally understood exactly how Galen had felt when he'd first heard the news about Boomer.

***

She balanced Nicky on her hip and took a deep breath. "We aren't going to be able to touch Daddy," she told Nicky, yet again. "But we can see him, okay?" Nicky nodded. Cally wasn't sure that he understood, but it didn't matter. This trip wasn't necessarily for Nicky.

She'd never been down to the Cylon cell, and it was cold. Very cold. She shivered and pulled her BDU jacket tighter around herself, and clasped one of Nicky's hands. He didn't seem very bothered.

The Marine looked bored. He glanced at Cally, looked at Nicky a little longer, and then apparently decided that an unarmed knuckledragger and a toddler were no threat and waved them in. Cally nodded her thanks and approached the window.

The brig looked a lot like the brig upstairs, which Cally was very intimately acquainted with. But there was something different here; something a little darker. Dingier. More permanent. She couldn't put a finger on it, but it was there. Galen was sitting on the cot in the center, his head cradled in his hands. Nicky lit up. "Daddy!" Needless to say, Galen couldn't hear them through the soundproof glass.

She approached and knocked on the glass. It seemed like an eternity before Galen raised his head, slowly, like it was a great weight. She could see the guilt all over him, and she felt for him. She could guess his thought process, she knew what he'd been thinking. He came over slowly, and picked up the phone.

"How are you?" she asked, when he didn't speak.

Galen shrugged. "I am what I am," he said, and his voice sounded dead. "What are you doing down here, Cally?"

"What does it look like?" Cally asked, shifting Nicky again. Nicky was reaching forward, trying to get to Galen. "We wanted to see you."

"Cally-"

"Every night, for how long? Every night it's been both you and me taking care of Nicky. He needs us both. It took me long enough to get that." Cally couldn't stop staring at the bare cot, at the walls, at the grating. "And he's going to have us both, as long as he can."

"No. Not after-"

"Yes, after. You know what?" the words were spilling out of Cally, but she couldn't stop them. "When I found out you were a Cylon, I wanted to believe you were nothing like the man I thought you were. But you are. You are still exactly who you've been, aren't you?"

"If this is a romantic reconciliation, your timing really sucks."

"It's not," Cally said. "But… I don't know who you were on Earth, but I knew you on Galactica. And you covered for pilots and taught us to make booze and yelled at the Colonel to give you just a few more seconds to save eighty of your men." Galen looked away. "And you fought for us on New Caprica."

"New Caprica," Galen spat. "New Caprica's half of what got me into this mess. You know what, Cally? I should have known. I should have- you know why none of us believed Gaeta at first? Because it doesn't happen like that. Usually the people that are being accused of something deserve to be. And if I could just learn that- if I could just frakking learn! Sam tells me I've been around for two thousand years, and the one thing I can't seem to get is that machines are machines, and they're all just going to frak you over in the end."

"Even Nicky?" Cally shot back. "He's half machine."

"Well, I frakking hope your half wins out, Cally." He looked away. "Just go. Don't come back down here anymore."

"Galen-"

"Cally, for once in your life, don't argue with me, all right? Just do what I'm asking. Please."

"All right." Cally smoothed Nicky's hair, and he leaned his head against her. In a perfect world, she could put Nicky's hand against the glass, and Galen would make that contact. But Galen had already hung the phone up and retreated to the cot, closing in on himself. Cally stared at him for a long moment, until Nicky began to cry, and then she retreated herself.

She knew that there was justice in this, and she knew that Galen saw it- that he yearned for it. But for once, she wondered if justice was really going to solve anything.

***

It could have been me, she thought, when she caught sight of Helo climbing into a Raptor, dark circles under his eyes and grief stamped across his face. It could have been Nicky she took, looking for revenge on Galen. Nicky is a hybrid, too. It could have been me.

She looked away, trembling so hard that she had to sit down.

***

Callly heard the rumor from Figurski, and from the way he spoke, she suspected it was true.

"We're going after Hera." Figurski looked uncertain. "At least, that's what I'm hearing. It's going to be a volunteer only mission, so they say, and gods know we aren't likely to make it back."

Cally looked around the hangar bay. Fight 'em til we can't. She closed her eyes.

***

The Admiral was standing on the scaffolding, his face hard and angry, and Cally remembered the time he'd promised them all Earth. She'd believed him, then, and she felt naïve and bitter for it.

"Let there be no illusions! This is likely to be a one way trip!" the Admiral was saying. "So don't volunteer out of sentiment or emotion! There is a line running down this deck." Everyone moved off it, staring down. "Volunteers, move to the starboard side. Everyone else, to the port. Make your choice!"

Cally was standing on the port side. Her throat closed as she looked around, watching.

Dee stood where she was, firmly on the starboard side, her arms crossed. She was standing next to Helo, a pillar of support. Cally knew she would do that, just like she knew Caroline would step up to Dee's other side, her face set into the blank expression she wore for combat. Caroline had been prepared for this for a long time.

Danielle moved over to the port side, and Cally was glad. She was carrying a new life, and she should stay. This baby deserved every chance to find a new world and maybe even grow up in the sunshine. Cally whispered a small prayer.

Sabrina stepped over to the port side as well. Her face showed her conflict, but Cally knew her hopes and dreams, and she found that she was glad. But the four final Cylons, including Galen, stepped over to the starboard side. And that made her glad, too. And of course, Sam Anders was already volunteered, whether he wanted to or not. But it didn't matter, because everyone knew what his answer would have been.

Cally was standing next to Anthony Figurski. She looked at him, his worn face, his gray hair, and the resignation in his eyes. She could see his thought process. There would be no Chief Tyrol on this mission; whatever he did, launching Vipers wouldn't be it. But this was a one-way trip, not a suicide mission. There was a chance it could succeed, so they needed a deck chief. Figurski began to move, and Cally caught his arm.

"No," she told him, pulling him back. "You have Danielle and the baby."

Figurski's face was set. "And you have Nicky, who's already here and alive. Any argument you give me is only applied doubly to you."

"It doesn't matter," Cally informed him, pushing him back onto the port side. "I'm going."

He didn't argue.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. And for a minute, it all flashed around her. Her first day on Galactica, the home it had become, the hangar deck, the Raptors and the Vipers and the oil and grease and metal. Jammer laughing, Sonicus and Tarn joking around, and her, always aware of the Chief, always watching him, always waiting. She saw Boomer landing, the pilots laughing, the world ending, the deaths and the explosions and the electronics sparking. She saw New Caprica, she saw Nicky, she saw their tent and the raiders streaking across the sky and the mobile that had hung above the crib. She saw Louis Hoshi and Felix Gaeta standing together on the edge of a Raptor, their arms around each others' waists, both of them happy and whole. And she saw Nicky, as a baby, as a toddler, as a young man… as a crying, scared child in the hands of the Cylons, helpless and alone.

It all passed through her in seconds, and then she stepped over the line.

And when she opened her eyes, she saw that she had stepped right next to Hot Dog, and he was smiling at her. He draped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him.

"I knew you would come."

***

A Raptor landed, and a small contingent climbed out. Cally knew them, knew their faces, even though she hadn't seen them in over a month. She smiled to see Skulls and Narcho, but when Racetrack climbed out, looking angry and on edge, Cally ran over to hug her.

Racetrack's hug was as warm as it had been before the mutiny, and her smile was hard and bitter. "All right," she said, as she pulled away. "Let's shoot these frakkers down."

And Cally could only laugh.

***

"Cally." Galen looked haggard, upset as he entered their quarters.

"Galen, I know what you're going to say, and I-"

"No, you don't." Galen stepped to her side, and surveyed the bed where Cally was jamming all of Nicky's things into bags. "Did you get all his binkies? I know he should be off them soon, but now's not the time. Danielle and Figurski will have a much easier time with him if he's got them."

"I found two of them," Cally said. "I can't find the third."

"I'll look."

They worked together in silence, with only Nicky's occasional babbling breaking the room. And yet, the silence was hardly uncompanionable. They packed up their sons things, and then stood in the middle of the quarters, staring at each other for a long time.

"Galen," Cally began, but he interrrupted her.

"I have something for you."

He took the pins off of his coverall and handed them to her. Cally had known this was coming- it was what she volunteered for- but it still hurt to feel those two small insignia pins in her hands anyway. "I'm going to have to be doing Cylon stuff," he said, trying to make a joke of it, "and the pilots will need you, Chief Henderson."

Cally took them and solemnly pinned the one onto her own uniform. Galen took the other back from her and pinned it to her. "There you go."

"Thank you." She wiped at her eyes and looked over at Nicky. "I mean it. Thank you."

"Oh, hell, Cally." Galen reached out and pulled her into his arms, and she leaned his head against his chest. For the first time since before she'd found out he was a Cylon, this felt right. This felt safe.

"I love you," Cally whispered, hoping Galen would understand exactly what she meant.

She felt him shake under her cheek, and he pressed his hand to her hair gently. "Yeah," he said gruffly, and she knew he understood. "I love you, too."

Nicky made a noise and they broke apart just enough that Galen could pick him up. And then he was between them, his soft baby skin and his curls, his breath and hands warm on them both. They stood there as a family, saying goodbye to the life that was behind them forever.

***

The hangar deck echoed with emptiness, and one final Raptor was waiting. Cally held one of Nicky's hands and Galen held the other as they all walked towards it. Danielle and Figurski were waiting. Cally squeezed Nicky's hand.

"Okay, buddy," she said, when they reached them. "Go with Danielle and Tony, okay? Be good for them?" She hugged him tight. There was so much more she wanted to say, but she couldn't act like this was the last time they'd see each other. Nicky needed her to be strong.

Galen had the same view. He ruffled his son's hair, and then picked him up and kissed him on the cheek. "Don't raise too much hell. At least, not yet. Give them a fighting chance, okay buddy?"

"We'll keep him safe," Danielle said.

Cally nodded. "I know. I never doubted it. And make sure that Sabrina-"

"I will," Danielle said.

Galen handed Nicky to Figurski, his reluctance written all over him. Cally swallowed hard, but Nicky went to Figurski willingly, and Cally set the bag she was carrying down. "Good luck," she said to Danielle, hugging her.

"You too. Make it back safe," Danielle said. She squeezed Cally tight.

"Good hunting," Figurski said, and his eyes were shining.

Cally was about to say something else when she heard footsteps. "Doggy!" Nicky said gleefully, pointing.

"Dog?" Galen turned. Lee Adama was approaching, with Dee on one side and Romo Lampkin and his dog on the other. He paused and said something to Romo, and then shook his hand. Romo glanced at the Raptor, although Cally would bet he was listening intently to whatever Lee was saying to Dee.

Finally, Dee approached. Her eyes were on Cally. Cally noticed her bag.

"I thought you were staying."

"I thought so, too." Dee sighed. "Adama had other ideas."

Cally looked at Dee's collar and saw the pips. "Wow."

"That's what I said." Dee looked embarrassed, but not completely uncomfortable.

"Good luck, Admiral Dualla."

"You, too, Chief Henderson."

They embraced, and then Dee turned to the Raptor, where Lampkin was waiting. Danielle and Figurski had climbed on already, and Nicky was patting Jake.

Lee Adama came up behind Cally. "The President of the Colonies, and the Admiral of the Fleet," he shouted, and everyone on the deck snapped to attention. "Last Raptor out!" Lee shouted. "Anyone left, your ass belongs to us."

Dee stood on the Raptor, her ex husband saluting her with pride in her eyes. She looked confident but tense, ready to take on a very heavy load. But Cally's eyes were fixed on the tiny figure behind her, patting the dog. Danielle pointed to her, and Nicky waved. Cally waved back, and Galen put his arm around her shoulder. The hatch began to shut, and then the two of them watches as the Raptor carried their son away from them to safety.

Cally gave herself one moment, and then pushed her hair back and pulled away from Galen. "All right!" she shouted, raising her own voice to address her small crew. "Let's get these birds ready for flight!"

***

She couldn't think about Nicky now. The deck was hers, and she needed to do her job. Cally met with Helo, Apollo, Starbuck, Adama, and Tigh, wishing she had time to feel awkward. Of all the times to be brought into the rank structure- especially from a crewman- this was probably the most difficult. And yet, none of them said a word about the mutiny or what she had been doing just days before.

But there was no time to dwell. "Keeping the birds in the air won't be the hard thing," Tigh was saying to her. "It will also be defending the bays. We'll have squadrons of Marines and Centruions down there, but it won't be enough. Once we ram the Colony, every one of your people is going to have to have a gun in one hand and a wrench in the other."

"Yes, sir," Cally said, and her voice was sure and steady.

"Emergency landing protocol, you know the drill," Adama told her. "If we can get ourselves out of here, we will, and I want as many pilots on board as possible."

"Yes, sir. I can do that."

"Good," was Adama's response, and there was confidence in it. "Go get your crew ready, Chief Henderson."

Chief. It wasn't Dr. Henderson, like she'd once wanted, but even now, Cally could take one quick moment to smile. She'd been called lots of things in her life, but if she died today, she was glad she would go out as Chief.

Cally saluted and left to do her job.

***

The sound of metal joints announced the Centurions. A Six led them, her face set into stone, a gun across her torso. The Centurions had red stripes painted across them, like sashes of honor. Cally had never thought that she'd be glad to see them, but anything that made this work had her respect for the moment, even if she still couldn't stand them.

She looked away to see the Marines strapping on body armor and loading weapons. And she saw Caroline watching her.

Caroline finished loading her gun with a decisive click, and then came over. Her lovely face was smeared with some sort of paint, and her helmet wasn't strapped on quite yet. But she was smiling. Not a big smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"I'm heading this squadron," she told Cally. "We'll be defending the starboard bay. How many knuckledraggers can you get me?"

"I've got ten on the starboard and twelve on the port," Cally said, "and a buttload of grenades."

"That's it?"

"Maybe some rocks we can throw."

"Keep 'em nearby, Chief. We might need 'em."

"You got it, Gunny."

Caroline extended her hand. Cally hesitated a moment, and then took it, and Caroline pulled her into a swift but hard embrace. She released her as suddenly as she'd grabbed her, and Cally did the only thing that she could; she thumped Caroline on the helmet in an encouraging gesture. Caroline smiled.

"We're gonna do this."

"Frakking-A," Cally agreed, and went back to check on her crew.

Racetrack was going through her pre-flight check. Narcho, Starbuck, and Helo were deep in conference about the attack plan. Skulls was checking the weapons on his Raptor, Twofer was arguing with one of the deckhands, and Quince was helping load ammunition. It was such a small group. Cally thought they didn't stand a chance.

"Miracles happen," someone said.

Cally turned. "What?"

"Miracles happen," Hot Dog told her. He had his helmet off and was staring at her intently. "That's what I keep telling myself. Miracles happen."

"Not these days," Cally said resignedly.

"You never know," Hot Dog said, and then leaned in and kissed her. Cally's eyes flared open in shock.

It wasn't the kiss of a lifetime, and Hot Dog wasn't a particularly good kisser. It wasn't long or passionate or drawn out, and it wasn't a prelude. But it was honest and sincere, and when he pulled away, Cally felt her lips curving into a smile. Hot Dog watched her carefully, and then winked as he turned to head towards his Viper.

"Like I said," he said over his shoulder, "miracles happen. Maybe I'll get one."

For a long moment Cally stood still, her hand on her warm lips. But then the comm unit beeped, and she was jerked back into the reality, and a world where miracles could never, ever be counted on.

"You ready, Chief?" It was Galen's voice on the comm; he must be up in CIC with the other Cylons.

"We're ready," Cally told him.

"Good. Jumping in five… four… three… two… one."

They jumped, and immediately the Galactica began to shake as she came under fire.

***

The smell of metal, the smell of blood. Her throat raw and aching, even as she screamed out orders. Launch the Vipers, launch the Raptors. Cold metal against the palms of her hands, a gun in one hand a wrench in the other.

The lights went out on the deck, and the emergency power kicked in.

It was a nightmare; a nightmare of waiting and bullets, of Cylons and explosions. Centurions attacked, fought back by their squadron and by the Centurions they had brought with them. Cally barely even noticed when the Galactica stopped shaking, because there were fast repairs to do and leaks to fix and pressure gauges that sent her flying. She was down tight vents, up ladders, hollering at her people to get on it, to get this fixed and to hold that together. They heard the sound of gunshots and the screams of the dying, and more than once Cally tensed for an explosion that never came.

She had no idea what was happening, no clear idea of who was where. She thought she saw Baltar at one point, and maybe Helo, but she couldn't be sure. She couldn't take the time. Al that mattered was doing what she was meant to do.

Galacitca shook again, hard. Cally went flying against a console, caught herself just in time. She clung to the console, forcing herself to stand. The birds were landing, and she forced herself to do that, to count them as they came in, to get each pilot to the deck safely. Metal on metal screeched as craft after craft hurtled in, far fewer than had gone out. She tried to tally them all in her mind, who had left and who had returned, but she couldn't.

She felt her stomach lurch as Galactica jumped.

There was a scream, and it didn't come from any human throat.

It was long and it was loud and it sounded like a movie that Cally remembered from her childhood, when they'd learned about whales. It drove down her spine and shattered her soul, and the emergency lights flickered and died completely. She fumbled for a flashlight, trying to yell to her crew.

One by one, flashlights came on, lighting up the darkness of the bay like tiny stars.

Smoke. There was smoke.

Cally began to run, her body protesting and her lungs crying out, but there was smoke and that meant there was fire and if the lights were out, there was no emergency sprinkler system. She found the hose and twirled the old rusty wheel as fast as she could, and then began to run.

The hose got lighter, and it took a minute for Cally to process that someone had picked it up and was helping her. The fire was burning bright now, tylium that had spilled and ignited. She aimed the hose at the base of the fire, praying to the gods they could get it out. She felt the heat on her face as the fire gained strength, and her fingers began to blister, but she clung to her hose.

There was shouting- Marines were helping pilots from a twisted heap of metal. Cally couldn't see what was happening, but whoever was behind her muttered "fak". A man behind her then, and Cally was sure that he was crying. But he held the hose with her, and there was no time for fear or for tears, only for the desperation of the fight. And the flames began to die.

Only when they were completely extinguished did Cally allow her knees to buckle, and she pitched forward. Her last conscious thought was that it was strange she never hit the ground.

***

There were beeps. She knew those beeps- slow and steady, like a heartbeat. She pried her eyes open, and was greeted with light and white. The infirmary then.

A hand on hers. Warm, very warm. She turned to the side to see Galen. He smiled. "You did good, Chief," he told her quietly. "Better than I could have."

"You did." Both hands were warm, Cally now realized, and when she looked she saw Caroline, her face dark with soot and streaked with blood, sweat, and tears.

"Am I badly hurt?" Cally wanted to ask, but it came out a croak.

Caroline shook her head. "Don't try to talk," she told her. "Doc said your throat is raw from the smoke and all the shouting you were doing. You inhaled too much smoke and they had you on oxygen, and you have a few cracked ribs, needed some stitches, and had a concussion, but let's just say that right now, you're very low priority."

"Good," Cally tried to say, but the word burned her throat. She sighed and lay back.

Galen cleared his throat. "There's more news," he said. "Good news." She raised her eyebrows, and he smiled. "Helo and Athena got back on Galactica with Hera. She's all right. And about sixty percent of our people survived. And the Cylons… one of the Raptors didn't make it back in time, but managed to use their mag locks to get on the ship. Twofer says that there was a nuclear detonation as we jumped away. The Cylons aren't gone, but they aren't the threat that they were."

"And more than that," Caroline said, "we're in orbit around a planet. Can you believe that? We jumped, and we had no idea where the frak we were going, and we're in orbit around a habitable planet." She squeezed Cally's hand. "They sent Hot Dog to the rendezvous point. He's getting the rest of the Fleet."

Cally managed to form a word. "Nicky."

Galen nodded, and a tear slipped down his cheek. "Nicky."

She was tired and sore and she was pretty sure she was drugged, but Cally felt like laughing. Nicky. Whatever happened, whatever else was coming their way, she could face it if she knew Nicky was all right and got to hold him in her arms at least one more time.

Her head fell back against the pillow, and she closed her eyes. She didn't mean to, but she didn't open them again for another twelve hours.

***

Cally stood next to Caroline, watching as the Raptors docked and fidgeting eagerly. "It feels a little like New Caprica again," Caroline muttered, but Cally shook her head.

"More like the Pegasus finding us," she said. She thought about that, that heady moment when they'd added so many to their number, even if it hadn't been easy. "By the way," she said suddenly, scanning the deck, "I haven't seen Racetrack."

Caroline's smile dropped. "I know," she said, but before she could say more, Dee was exiting the Raptor.

"Admiral on deck!" Lee Adama shouted, and they all snapped to attention.

Dee stepped off the Raptor and approached Adama, and then saluted. Adama returned the salute, and then hugged her like a daughter. Cally watched them, about to say something more to Caroline when she heard it.

"Mommy!"

Then Nicky was hurtling across the deck, and his arms wrapped around Cally's legs. She bent over to pick him up. His little body was warm against her, and he resented his cheek for a kiss. Cally complied, laughing as she did so.

Danielle caught up. "I tried to keep him in line," she said, "but somehow, I'm not sure anyone cares."

"I don't think so," Cally agreed. "Have you seen the planet yet?"

"I have," Danielle sighed happily. "It looks beautiful." She hugged Caroline. "Where's Racetrack?"

Cally remembered that Caroline had never answered, and the happiness drained out of her. Caroline swallowed hard. "She never made it back," she said, her voice hoarse. "She never made it back, and I never got the chance to tell her,…"

Cally closed her eyes, hugging Nicky tighter and burying her face in his shoulder. There were some things this miracle couldn't fix after all.

***

It had been Racetrack's Raptor that had nuked the Colony, and Racetrack was being hailed as a hero. They had Racetrack's funeral on the new Earth. "She would have liked that," Dee said, wiping her eyes. The crowds had gone, it was just Dee, Danielle, Seelix, Caroline, and Cally. "She would have liked this."

"Although she would have hated not flying," Danielle added.

Caroline nodded glumly and drifted off. Cally watched her with concern. "Will she be all right?"

"It will take time," Danielle said with a sigh. "Racetrack was really her best friend."

"We've all lost best friends," Seelix said quietly. "I miss Jean. When Jean was around, I never felt alone."

"Felix," Dee added quietly. "And Billy. Gods, the two of them and their ideals… I hope they're in the afterlife changing the world."

"Sarah," Danielle said. "She never made it off New Caprica, because she had to help everyone else first. I have no idea how many lives she saved."

"Jammer," Cally said, "and Louis. Both of them were there when I really thought I had nothing left to live for, and they made me realize I had hope. That there was still life."

"To all of them," Dee said, her voice cracking. "To all those best friends, living and dead."

They didn't have glasses to raise or drinks to toast with, but if they had, they would have. And Cally heard herself saying the words Racetrack had said that night months ago:

"We're all frak-ups, and we're all heroes. And we all pay the price. So say we all."


End file.
